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[Albion] Garth Crooks (made-up) Team of the Week 2023/24



Hugo Rune

Well-known member
NSC Patron
Feb 23, 2012
21,606
Brighton
A classic of the genre:

Pascal Gross (Brighton & Hove Albion): I don't think I've seen defending by a Manchester United side like that for years. Victor Lindelof looked unrecognisable from the player I saw in last season's FA Cup semi-final and don't even get me started on Lisandro Martinez.

However, this was an impressive victory at Old Trafford by Brighton, who ran all over United in a similar way to how Wolves did earlier in the season - except they didn't get the result. Pascal Gross was the standout player and seems to have filled the gaps left by Alexis Mac Allister and Moises Caicedo with remarkable ease.

Any attempt to try to attach blame for United's poor recent performances on the Glazers' lack of ability to sell the club is utter nonsense. Whatever boardroom activities are taking place has nothing to do with a professional footballer once they cross the white line.
Text book.

He only wanted to write about a Big Six.

5 players mentioned, only one is a Brighton player. The rest play for the Big Six.
 




Harry Wilson's tackle

Harry Wilson's Tackle
NSC Patron
Oct 8, 2003
49,860
Faversham
A classic of the genre:

Pascal Gross (Brighton & Hove Albion): I don't think I've seen defending by a Manchester United side like that for years. Victor Lindelof looked unrecognisable from the player I saw in last season's FA Cup semi-final and don't even get me started on Lisandro Martinez.

However, this was an impressive victory at Old Trafford by Brighton, who ran all over United in a similar way to how Wolves did earlier in the season - except they didn't get the result. Pascal Gross was the standout player and seems to have filled the gaps left by Alexis Mac Allister and Moises Caicedo with remarkable ease.

Any attempt to try to attach blame for United's poor recent performances on the Glazers' lack of ability to sell the club is utter nonsense. Whatever boardroom activities are taking place has nothing to do with a professional footballer once they cross the white line.
What a puffed-up chancer. That reads like he has attempted a precis of teletext, with added flying buttresses.
 


GT49er

Well-known member
Feb 1, 2009
46,705
Gloucester
Haven't checked it out, but an enormously large proportion of his picks seem to have been players who scored goals...........
 




FatSuperman

Well-known member
Feb 25, 2016
2,830
A classic of the genre:

Pascal Gross (Brighton & Hove Albion): I don't think I've seen defending by a Manchester United side like that for years. Victor Lindelof looked unrecognisable from the player I saw in last season's FA Cup semi-final and don't even get me started on Lisandro Martinez.

However, this was an impressive victory at Old Trafford by Brighton, who ran all over United in a similar way to how Wolves did earlier in the season - except they didn't get the result. Pascal Gross was the standout player and seems to have filled the gaps left by Alexis Mac Allister and Moises Caicedo with remarkable ease.

Any attempt to try to attach blame for United's poor recent performances on the Glazers' lack of ability to sell the club is utter nonsense. Whatever boardroom activities are taking place has nothing to do with a professional footballer once they cross the white line.
Indeed, an absolute textbook Garth Crooks there from Garth Crooks.

What a pillock
 








West Upper Seagull

Well-known member
Oct 31, 2003
1,513
Woodingdean
Haven't checked it out, but an enormously large proportion of his picks seem to have been players who scored goals...........
That is all his picks are typically only ever based on. He really is a lazy waste of space and is stealing earnings from the BBC for his weekly shite. He picks Pascal Gross and writes 2 paragraphs about United - not the first time he has written more about the opposing team than our player when he selects them. I have no time or respect for this blokes opinions
 




B-right-on

Living the dream
Apr 23, 2015
6,171
Shoreham Beaaaach
That is all his picks are typically only ever based on. He really is a lazy waste of space and is stealing earnings from the BBC for his weekly shite. He picks Pascal Gross and writes 2 paragraphs about United - EVERY time he has written more about the opposing team than our player when he selects them. I have no time or respect for this blokes opinions

Fixed for you. :thumbsup:
 


JamesAndTheGiantHead

Well-known member
Sep 2, 2011
6,262
Worthing
Not a massive vote of confidence in the Forest and Burnley players yet to strut their stuff in this round of fixtures.
If you check his schedule, he’ll be in bed;

IMG_7270.jpeg
 


Doonhamer7

Well-known member
Jun 17, 2016
1,283
What a rubbish write up - as well as the Man U review (hidden under Gross) then read the Trossard review and the Salah review, is he in cloud cookoo land. 2 Liverpool players in xi and I watched the game on Saturday they were rubbish
 






JOLovegrove

Well-known member
Jan 30, 2012
2,001
What a rubbish write up - as well as the Man U review (hidden under Gross) then read the Trossard review and the Salah review, is he in cloud cookoo land. 2 Liverpool players in xi and I watched the game on Saturday they were rubbish

4 City players and 1 Brighton player is the issue for me. Clearly didn't watch our game.
 


Greg Bobkin

Silver Seagull
May 22, 2012
14,836
A classic of the genre:

Pascal Gross (Brighton & Hove Albion): I don't think I've seen defending by a Manchester United side like that for years. Victor Lindelof looked unrecognisable from the player I saw in last season's FA Cup semi-final and don't even get me started on Lisandro Martinez.

However, this was an impressive victory at Old Trafford by Brighton, who ran all over United in a similar way to how Wolves did earlier in the season - except they didn't get the result. Pascal Gross was the standout player and seems to have filled the gaps left by Alexis Mac Allister and Moises Caicedo with remarkable ease.

Any attempt to try to attach blame for United's poor recent performances on the Glazers' lack of ability to sell the club is utter nonsense. Whatever boardroom activities are taking place has nothing to do with a professional footballer once they cross the white line.
Fack me - I honestly thought this was a very fine attempt at parody Garth! :lolol:
 




Hamilton

Well-known member
NSC Patron
Jul 7, 2003
12,452
Brighton
A classic of the genre:

Pascal Gross (Brighton & Hove Albion): I don't think I've seen defending by a Manchester United side like that for years. Victor Lindelof looked unrecognisable from the player I saw in last season's FA Cup semi-final and don't even get me started on Lisandro Martinez.

However, this was an impressive victory at Old Trafford by Brighton, who ran all over United in a similar way to how Wolves did earlier in the season - except they didn't get the result. Pascal Gross was the standout player and seems to have filled the gaps left by Alexis Mac Allister and Moises Caicedo with remarkable ease.

Any attempt to try to attach blame for United's poor recent performances on the Glazers' lack of ability to sell the club is utter nonsense. Whatever boardroom activities are taking place has nothing to do with a professional footballer once they cross the white line.
Oh my lord.

I thought you’d written a parody version in anticipation. I didn’t realise this was the real thing.
 










Questions

Habitual User
Oct 18, 2006
24,858
Worthing
I enjoy the Garth Crooks piece……

What I mean is I enjoy it being taken apart on a Monday. 😀
 




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