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[Albion] Garth Crooks (made-up) Team of the Week 2023/24







scwiffy

Active member
Jun 24, 2011
214
Just like the good old days, Garth managed to shoehorn a Chris Hughton mention into his team of the week: https://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/football/66703155

Beyond a parody of himself at this point.

1st paragraph - Eddie Howe
2nd paragraph - Ferguson, West Ham
3rd paragraph - Houghton, Brighton & Newcastle are in Europe now

It’s like he’s got the attention span of a goldfish, forgets who he’s writing about so just regurgitates old or obvious facts
 




Boroseagull

Well-known member
Aug 23, 2003
2,079
Alhaurin de la Torre
He at least addresses the matter of England call ups for Maguire, Phillips & Henderson in his concluding paragraphs.
 






Bozza

You can change this
Helpful Moderator
Jul 4, 2003
55,907
Back in Sussex
"You can't score a hat-trick and not be in my team, especially when every goal is dispatched with such extreme confidence."

I want to see this tested - we need a week with 5 or 6 hat-tricks.
 


GT49er

Well-known member
Feb 1, 2009
47,004
Gloucester
Beyond a parody of himself at this point.

1st paragraph - Eddie Howe
2nd paragraph - Ferguson, West Ham
3rd paragraph - Houghton, Brighton & Newcastle are in Europe now

It’s like he’s got the attention span of a goldfish, forgets who he’s writing about so just regurgitates old or obvious facts
Oh come on, credit where it's due! He did actually spot that three different players all scored hat-tricks. That's pwoppa journalsim, innit?
 


hans kraay fan club

The voice of reason.
Helpful Moderator
Mar 16, 2005
61,644
Chandlers Ford
"You can't score a hat-trick and not be in my team, especially when every goal is dispatched with such extreme confidence."

I want to see this tested - we need a week with 5 or 6 hat-tricks.
Might be waiting a while! Saturday was only the second matchday in PL history to feature even 3.
 




Harry Wilson's tackle

Harry Wilson's Tackle
NSC Patron
Oct 8, 2003
51,151
Faversham
"You can't score a hat-trick and not be in my team, especially when every goal is dispatched with such extreme confidence."

I want to see this tested - we need a week with 5 or 6 hat-tricks.
Apart from Worrall the entire rest of the outfield scored at least one goal at the weekend. And Worrall was sent off at 67 minutes.

I have a feeling that Garth's team of the week is on a par with TVS's 'viewers holiday photo of the day'. Mmmmmm.......nice.
 


JBizzle

Well-known member
Apr 18, 2010
5,896
Seaford
Just like the good old days, Garth managed to shoehorn a Chris Hughton mention into his team of the week: https://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/football/66703155
It's a real shoehorn job though. Yes, Newcastle have come a long was since they got promoted under Hughton, but it reads like they've been in the Prem ever since and completely ignores that fact that it's a fa greater achievement for both side to have been promoted together in 2017 and now be in Europe.

Still, at least he didn't use his column to hawk Ferguson out to whichever "top club" takes his fancy this week.
 


Westdene Seagull

aka Cap'n Carl Firecrotch
NSC Patron
Oct 27, 2003
21,180
The arse end of Hangleton
I'm pretty sure Luton will go down but it's nice to see a manager show Crooks what a cock he is and is stealing a living :

 






South Stand Bonfire

Who lit that match then?
NSC Patron
Jan 24, 2009
2,226
Shoreham-a-la-mer
I’m going to go out on a limb here. I think Luton will struggle this season ( as we did for the first 2 seasons) but the way they played in the first half against us on the first day of the season, was by no means the worst performance I’ve seen against us in the last year. Where they went wrong imo was their second half fitness compared to us and playing a too open game which suited us.
 


Greg Bobkin

Silver Seagull
May 22, 2012
15,039
I'm pretty sure Luton will go down but it's nice to see a manager show Crooks what a cock he is and is stealing a living :

In some ways - and not JUST to prove that bloated berk wrong - I hope Luton defy the odds and stay up (although I think it's a massive ask). A bit like Forest, if they can make their home form count, they might be OK.

In not writing then off just yet, certainly not predicting their fate being sealed by Christmas!
 




Paris

Well-known member
Jul 17, 2010
4,094
13th district
In some ways - and not JUST to prove that bloated berk wrong - I hope Luton defy the odds and stay up (although I think it's a massive ask). A bit like Forest, if they can make their home form count, they might be OK.

In not writing then off just yet, certainly not predicting their fate being sealed by Christmas!
Yes, Crooks' words will be pinned up on the Luton Town changing room wall.

Just hope the initial pinning doesn't disturb the neighbours at number 52 too much.
 






scwiffy

Active member
Jun 24, 2011
214
Here’s my guess….

9 - I was pleased to see local lad Danny Welbeck scored against his old club Man U, who started the first 20mins well but chased the rest of the game and let Brighton slice through them too easily.

I do worry for Ten Hag, I think the Sancho debacle and the ownership confusion is finding its way onto the pitch. He will have turn to their fortunes around quickly before things get out of hand. If they do, then a certain Roberto De Zerbi could find himself in his seat soon
 
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Dec 29, 2011
8,037
Here’s my guess….

9 - I was pleased to see local lad Danny Welbeck scored against his old club Man U, who started the first 20mins well but chased the rest of the game and let Brighton slice through them too easily.

I do worry for Ten Hag, I think the Sancho debacle and the ownership confusion is finding its way onto the pitch. He will have turn to their fortunes around quickly before things get out of hand. If they do, then a certain Roberto De Zerbi could find himself in his seat soon
This is worryingly accurate
 


Bakero

Languidly clinical
Oct 9, 2010
13,866
Almería
A classic of the genre:

Pascal Gross (Brighton & Hove Albion): I don't think I've seen defending by a Manchester United side like that for years. Victor Lindelof looked unrecognisable from the player I saw in last season's FA Cup semi-final and don't even get me started on Lisandro Martinez.

However, this was an impressive victory at Old Trafford by Brighton, who ran all over United in a similar way to how Wolves did earlier in the season - except they didn't get the result. Pascal Gross was the standout player and seems to have filled the gaps left by Alexis Mac Allister and Moises Caicedo with remarkable ease.

Any attempt to try to attach blame for United's poor recent performances on the Glazers' lack of ability to sell the club is utter nonsense. Whatever boardroom activities are taking place has nothing to do with a professional footballer once they cross the white line.
 


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