[Help] mental health - advice if possible please

[pearl]

I am going through a bit of a wobble.

The wife and daughter are going away for Easter for a holiday with her sister and father for a belated retirement treat for her dad, in a holiday of a lifetime. (I get sea sick so am not going on a catamaran for two weeks)

So I won't bother them, with this, as I do not want them to worry about me while I am away.

I am as I say trying to get my head around this and I am having a range of emotions.
I was feeling pretty low anyway.

Yesterday I found out my biological mother has been dead for for over three years….
She was given up and then adopted at a very young age, married my father and she left him and me at six months old. I went through the care system briefly after my gran got unwell and could no longer look after me anymore more, then when my dad re married I went to live with him and my new step mum, I have two lovely half brothers, and we have never ever argued, I love them dearly.
She started several other relationships and had three other children and moved around the country eventually settling in the furthest reaches of Scotland.
She never tried to find me, I found her when I was in my early twenties and arranged a meeting, it did not go well, I did not want to hear excuses or blame.
We never meet again, and I only met one half sister at that one meeting, but we kept in contact via letter once a year.

I am on facebook, but under a pseudonym and have no family members as friends, just friends.
My half, from my mum popped up as friends you might know, I had a quick look to see what he is up to, friends lead me to one of my half sisters, scroll down, missing mum on mothers day, scroll down, down until eventually I found a post about her death in 2021.
Just a bit shocked, not sure how to take it..
I am sorry we could not have had half decent relationship, as we both seem to have trod a similar solo path in life.
I am not sure if I should be angry that I was not told she was dying of cancer, or died, is that not the decent thing to do surly ?
The sister who posted the message is supposedly devoutly Christian…
Perhaps they resented me, or blamed me.
Did she ask to see me, did they lie.
Why not contact me?

Hmmm, this might take a while to process...

Yesterday I was all over the place, trying to digest it.

A golden light though was watching my daughter score for the Albion academy team last night a long range cracker.
I hugged her tight after the game, she will never know how much that little thing meant yesterday.

I am so sorry to read your post. That is a horrible way to learn of your mother's death and at a time when you were feeling low anyway.
It is strange you were not told in one of the yearly letters.
Stories like this are what is so wrong about social media.
You need to allow yourself time to grieve and take good care of yourself.
You have every right to feel totally shit so allow yourself too.
Wishing you all the best to get through this.

 

[timbha]

I am going through a bit of a wobble.

The wife and daughter are going away for Easter for a holiday with her sister and father for a belated retirement treat for her dad, in a holiday of a lifetime. (I get sea sick so am not going on a catamaran for two weeks)

So I won't bother them, with this, as I do not want them to worry about me while I am away.

I am as I say trying to get my head around this and I am having a range of emotions.
I was feeling pretty low anyway.

Yesterday I found out my biological mother has been dead for for over three years….
She was given up and then adopted at a very young age, married my father and she left him and me at six months old. I went through the care system briefly after my gran got unwell and could no longer look after me anymore more, then when my dad re married I went to live with him and my new step mum, I have two lovely half brothers, and we have never ever argued, I love them dearly.
She started several other relationships and had three other children and moved around the country eventually settling in the furthest reaches of Scotland.
She never tried to find me, I found her when I was in my early twenties and arranged a meeting, it did not go well, I did not want to hear excuses or blame.
We never meet again, and I only met one half sister at that one meeting, but we kept in contact via letter once a year.

I am on facebook, but under a pseudonym and have no family members as friends, just friends.
My half, from my mum popped up as friends you might know, I had a quick look to see what he is up to, friends lead me to one of my half sisters, scroll down, missing mum on mothers day, scroll down, down until eventually I found a post about her death in 2021.
Just a bit shocked, not sure how to take it..
I am sorry we could not have had half decent relationship, as we both seem to have trod a similar solo path in life.
I am not sure if I should be angry that I was not told she was dying of cancer, or died, is that not the decent thing to do surly ?
The sister who posted the message is supposedly devoutly Christian…
Perhaps they resented me, or blamed me.
Did she ask to see me, did they lie.
Why not contact me?

Hmmm, this might take a while to process...

Yesterday I was all over the place, trying to digest it.

A golden light though was watching my daughter score for the Albion academy team last night a long range cracker.
I hugged her tight after the game, she will never know how much that little thing meant yesterday.

Focus on your last two paragraphs. The present, what’s great in your life. How proud you are of your daughter and how you love each other. And your wife.

You can’t undo what has happened so don’t dwell or regret. Bottom line is you have done nothing wrong.

Have a chat about it with a friend, or if you can’t, push it to one side and have a chat with your wife a few days after she returns.

Good luck mate