Jokes?

[The Large One]

What time does Sean Connery get to Wimbledon?

Tennish.

 

[coagulantwolf]

Manchester United.

 

[Bold Seagull]

I laughed at my wife today, she's really excited about starting her new job in the local restaurant tomorrow. She can't wait.

 

[Hyperion]

I've got a job helping a one-armed typist type capital letters. It's only shift work.

I have just spat my wine out. Hahahahahahahahaha. Daft joke but funny.

 

[Jack Straw]

I've just taken a photo of a plank of wood and a couple of metal brackets.
It's a shelfie.

 

[The Wookiee]

Which cheese do you use to start a fight with Winnie the Pooh ??

Camembert (Come On Bear !! )

 

[Crispy Ambulance]

I had a right result today. I backed butter to be more popular than margarine.

It's the first time I've won anything on spread betting!

 

[Lord Bracknell]

Did you hear about the hypochondriac who went to a champagne party?

 

[Fountainhead]

Bill and Ben went into a pub
Bill said to Ben ' flobadobalob'
Ben replied ' I'll get these, you're pissed'

 

[countryman]

I used to be friends with a rugby ball but sadly it didn't stay in touch.

 

[Goring-by-Seagull]

What's big, grey, and can't climb trees?


A car park.

 

[SouthCoastOwl]

My dog's got no nose.

 

[ExmouthExile]

My dog's got no nose.

It must be really difficult for him to smell anything?

 

[5Ways Gull]

A man walks into the doctors with a Frog growing out of his head. The doctor says "what appears to be the problem". The Frog says "well it all started with this pimple on my bottom!"

 

[SouthCoastOwl]

It must be really difficult for him to smell anything?

Yes, because he's got no nose. Just as well because he's quite a smelly dog!

 

[Justice]

What do you call a man with a seagull on his head?

Cliff

 

[Easy 10]

What do you call a man with a seagull on his head?

Gareth Barry ?

 

[Spun Cuppa]

A Hollywood producer is casting a film about great composers. Tom Hanks is offered the Verdi character and Bruce Willis accepts the offer to play Puccini. When Arnold Swarzenegger gets a call, without hesitation he says, 'I'll be Bach...'

 

[FamilyGuy]

My dog's got no nose.

How do his glasses stay on then?

 

[Grombleton]

What's green and if it fell out of a tree, would kill you?



A snooker table.