Jokes?

[Pavilionaire]

What's Irish, sings and gives you thrush?
- Fungal Sharkey.

 

[Ludensian Gull]

A lesbian went for a smear test, the dr says to her ' thats the cleanest vagina i have seen ' The lesbian replied 'yes , i have a woman in twice a week'

 

[dougdeep]

What is brown and green and would kill you if it dropped on you from a tree?







A snooker table.

 

[Brovion]

A Hollywood producer is casting a film about great composers. Tom Hanks is offered the Verdi character and Bruce Willis accepts the offer to play Puccini. When Arnold Swarzenegger gets a call, without hesitation he says, 'I'll be Bach...'

That same Hollywood producer was once approached by a struggling actor who couldn't get any roles.
"What's your name?" he asked him.
"Richard Lorry Lesbian" was the reply.
"Far too long," he said. "Try shortening it to Dick van Dyke!"

 

[Brovion]

A car hit a Jewish man. The paramedic says, "Are you comfortable?" The man says, "I make a good living."

Also when he got up he crossed himself. His mate Abie said "Issie, you're Jewish, why have you just blessed yourself like a Catholic?"
Issie replied "Blessed myself? Naa, I was just checking: spectacles, testicles, wallet and phone."

 

[Brovion]

When I said I was going to become a comedian, they all laughed. Well, they're not laughing now, are they? - Bob Monkhouse

Another one from the great man:

When I die I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my dad, not screaming with fear like his passengers.

 

[Petunia]

That same Hollywood producer was once approached by a struggling actor who couldn't get any roles.
"What's your name?" he asked him.
"Richard Lorry Lesbian" was the reply.
"Far too long," he said. "Try shortening it to Dick van Dyke!"

Like it

 

[Spun Cuppa]

An Englishman, Irishman and Scotsman go to Heaven...

St. Peter says, 'Is this some sort of joke?'