Breaking News

[Mr Popkins]

A Man was up in court today for stealing a calender-


He got 12 months!

 

[Theatre of Trees]

A man was up in court today for hanging half a banner on a rooftop.

He was given a suspended sentence.

 

[Titanic]

"West Mersea police announced tonight that they wish to interview a man wearing high heels and frilly knickers, but the Chief Constable said they must wear their normal uniforms."

 

[Tom Hark Preston Park]

Lorry crashed through the front of my local Indian takeway. Driver's lying in a korma.

 

[Spicy]

 

[larus]

What's the difference between a lorry load of ping-pong balls and a lorry load of dead babies?
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You can unload a lorry load of dead babies with a pitch-fork.

 

[sams dad]

What's the difference between a lorry load of ping-pong balls and a lorry load of dead babies?
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You can unload a lorry load of dead babies with a pitch-fork.

 

[Gullet]

A thief stole all the toilets from the local police station. Officers said they had absolutely nothing to go on.


Sorry..........

 

[¡Cereal Killer!]

A man walks into a bar................ouch!

 

[Beach Hut]

The old ones are still funny !

 

[Curious Orange]

A horse walks into a bar and orders a pint.

The barman says.....















"Why the long face?"

 

[brighton rock]

two irish men in a dark room, on said its dark in here the other one replyed i dont know i can't see

 

[¡Cereal Killer!]

2 Muffins in a microwave.
Muffin1: Its getting hot in here!
Muffin2: Wow, a talking muffin!

 

[El Presidente]

I took a Viagra last night and it stuck in my throat.

It gave me a stiff neck

 

[El Presidente]

Patient "Doctor Doctor I keep thinking I am Tom Jones"

Doctor "It's not unusual"



















Taxi

 

[Northstander]

A Man walks into the doctors wearing just cling film,

Doctor: Well I can clearly see your nuts!!

 

[Yorkie]

I went to the Doctors the other day, and he said, "Go to Bournemouth, it's great for 'flu.

So I went, and I got it.

 

[Icy Gull]

Two nuns in a bath, one says to the other "were's the soap". The other says "yes doesn't it".

Comes across better when spoken rather than written

 

[Northstander]

 

[Yorkie]

A man was jumping around and the back of his anorak was leaping up and down, and people were chucking money to him.

I said, "Do you earn a living doing that?"

He said, "Yes, this is my livelihood."