REDLAND
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THE Apple TwatPhone has topped the list of items owned by twats, it has been confirmed.
Twat organisation Twat Brand Analysis polled its database of twats to discover which twat accessory was this year's ultimate in twat.
A spokesman said: "Aston Martin topped the twat poll for three years with twats who don't actually own one but, because they're twats, think it would be cool if they did. It is the very essence of twat.
"However, the recession has down-scaled aspirational twathood, making twats covet the sort of affordable gadgets that helps them constantly update and redefine the type of twat they want to be."
He added: "The TwatPhone enables them by being at the very twatting-edge of new twatology."
Other leading twat brands include Rolex, Dom Perignon and Ferrari, suggesting that many twats think they are living in a Jay Z video instead of a 12 year-old Barrat estate on the outskirts of Reading.
But the top 10 was once again dominated by twatology brands such as Nintendo, YouTube, BlackBerry and Bang & Olufsen, confirming that people who care about things like brands actually have few real friends and very little to do except sit at home in the dark watching the light flickering across a dozen sad little screens.
The TwatPhone was released in 2007 as the ultimate accessory for people who need a personal organiser and mp3 player that is also a camera, a games console and a really bad phone.
Hatfield-based twat Charlie Reeves, said: "I work in the claims department at Direct Line and live in a very small flat above a key-cutting shop.
"How else am I supposed to pretend that I'm really Tom Cruise in Minority Report? You tell me."
The Daily Mash - TWATPHONE TOPS TWAT LIST
Girls can be twats too
A spokesman said: "Aston Martin topped the twat poll for three years with twats who don't actually own one but, because they're twats, think it would be cool if they did. It is the very essence of twat.
"However, the recession has down-scaled aspirational twathood, making twats covet the sort of affordable gadgets that helps them constantly update and redefine the type of twat they want to be."
He added: "The TwatPhone enables them by being at the very twatting-edge of new twatology."
Other leading twat brands include Rolex, Dom Perignon and Ferrari, suggesting that many twats think they are living in a Jay Z video instead of a 12 year-old Barrat estate on the outskirts of Reading.
But the top 10 was once again dominated by twatology brands such as Nintendo, YouTube, BlackBerry and Bang & Olufsen, confirming that people who care about things like brands actually have few real friends and very little to do except sit at home in the dark watching the light flickering across a dozen sad little screens.
The TwatPhone was released in 2007 as the ultimate accessory for people who need a personal organiser and mp3 player that is also a camera, a games console and a really bad phone.
Hatfield-based twat Charlie Reeves, said: "I work in the claims department at Direct Line and live in a very small flat above a key-cutting shop.
"How else am I supposed to pretend that I'm really Tom Cruise in Minority Report? You tell me."
The Daily Mash - TWATPHONE TOPS TWAT LIST
