Top Sitcom line of all time

[geodavies]

Brian Glover in 'Porridge':

"I read a book once. It were green."

One of my favs......but the quote is actually .....green it was

 

[clippedgull]

Del Boy (in the nags head at a celebration party) after they had just become millionaires.... No Rodney, I will buy the sandwiches, after all, you bought the Rolls!

 

[Norman Potting]

I forgot "The Thick Of It". Too many to mention but one from Peter Mannion was positively Fawlty-esque - "Sorry darling, I have to go - I think the bailiffs are coming to take away my will to live".

 

[Seasider78]

Thick of it

"you breathe a word of this, to anyone, you... mincing ...****ing ...****., and I will tear your ****ing skin off... I will wear it to your mother's birthday party and I will rub your nuts up and down her leg whilst whistling Bohemian ****ing Rhapsody alright?"


I'm Alan Partridge

Alan Partridge: You farmers, you don't like outsiders, do you? You like to stick to your own.
Peter Baxendale Thomas: What do you mean by that?
Alan Partridge: I've seen the big-eared boys on farms.
Peter Baxendale Thomas: Oh, for goodness' sake.
Alan Partridge: If you see a lovely field with a family having a picnic, and there's a nice pond in it, you fill in the pond with concrete, you plough the family into the field, you blow up the tree, and use the leaves to make a dress for your wife who's also your brother.


the Office

David Brent: People see me, and they see the suit, and they go: "you're not fooling anyone", they know I'm rock and roll through and through. But you know that old thing, live fast, die young? Not my way. Live fast, sure, live too bloody fast sometimes, but die young? Die old. That's the way- not orthodox, I don't live by "the rules" you know. And if there's one other person who's influenced me in that way I think, someone who is a maverick, someone who does that to the system, then, it's Ian Botham. Because Beefy will happily say "that's what I think of your selection policy, yes I've hit the odd copper, yes I've enjoyed the old dooby, but will you piss off and leave me alone, I'm walking to John O'Groats for some spastics."

 

[Bigtomfu]

Thick of it

I'm Alan Partridge

Alan Partridge: You farmers, you don't like outsiders, do you? You like to stick to your own.
Peter Baxendale Thomas: What do you mean by that?
Alan Partridge: I've seen the big-eared boys on farms.
Peter Baxendale Thomas: Oh, for goodness' sake.
Alan Partridge: If you see a lovely field with a family having a picnic, and there's a nice pond in it, you fill in the pond with concrete, you plough the family into the field, you blow up the tree, and use the leaves to make a dress for your wife who's also your brother.

AP: You, you feed beef burgers to Swans!
PBT: What's wrong with that, the beef burger's full of fat, the swan eats it so it floats better...
AP: REALLY?
PBT: No you complete cretin!

 

[binney's tache]

Not the best of all time but it makes me smile everytime

Basil Fawlty: Hello?... Ah, yes Mr O'Reilly, well it's perfectly simple. When I asked you to build me a wall I was rather hoping that instead of just dumping the bricks in a pile you might have found time to cement them together... you know, one on top of another, in the traditional fashion.

Del n Rodney in a club talking to two posh birds. Rodney pretending to be a professional tennis player. One of the birds says" what do you prefer, grass or astro turf?" Rodney replies" dunno, never smoked astro turf" classic!

 

[Box of Frogs]

What are they going to call the baby Trig?

They are thinking of calling it Rodney. After Dave.

 

[um bongo molongo]

Malcolm Tucker: "he's about as much use as a marzipan dildo"

 

[countryman]

What are they going to call the baby Trig?

They are thinking of calling it Rodney. After Dave.

This. Makes me laugh every time I see it.

 

[Phat Baz 68]

Blackadder series three when Prince George soils a Wellington !
and gets a carriage home with two young ladies.

Blackadder : "And what home would that be Sir ?
One for the elderly, or one for the mentally disadvantaged ?
CLASSIC

 

[Rugrat]

"What did you expect to see out of a Torquay bedroom window?"

 

[Seagull58]

The one where he was in a bar with Trigger and tried to be cool when he spotted some women and fell through the bar.

Play it cool, Trig

 

[Seagull58]

Whats the best thing for a hangover?
8 pints of lager

 

[Icy Gull]

Not a sitcom but Fork handles

 

[Garage_Doors]

Hello mammy how did your date go?
He cancelled,
What he never came?
No love, he never turned either.

Mrs Browns boys.

 

[sod1]

another one from Only Fools & Horses when Uncle Alberts mate bangs on the front door ,

" Who's there ", " Knock Knock"

 

[surrey jim]

Del Rodney and uncle Albert in the Nags head. Del is trying to communicate with a German woman when Uncle Albert 'helps'

UA: Wort ist your name... *said in bad German accent.

 

[Marxo]

-"It's the old,old story:
Droid meets Droid,
Droid becomes Chameleon,
Droid loses Chameleon,
Chameleon turns into Blob,
Droid gets Blob back again,
Blob meets Blob,
Blob goes off with Blob,
and Droid loses Blob, Chameleon, and Droid.

How many times have we seen that story! "

 

[CliveWalkerWingWizard]

BF "Care for a rat"

The whole Rodney and Trig conversation "Trig why do you call me Dave my names Rodney"
"What's Dave then, a nickname?"
and another vote for,

"fek off cup"

 

[IndependentWSU]

I knew a girl once, I must have been keen on her-I took her to see India...


At The Oval
The Major-Fawlty Towers

stole my wallet