Top Sitcom line of all time

[melias shoes]

Me: "As my dad always said, look after your broom"
Rodney (nodding): "and your broom will look after you"
Me: "no Dave, just look after your broom"

Quality.

 

[TSB]

Brian Glover in 'Porridge':

"I read a book once. It were green."

That's also an absolute classic.

 

[Triggaaar]

Someone's for the chop. You or me in fact.
Let's face facts Perc, it's you!

 

[Conkers]

Frasier: [responding to a caller]
Roger, at Cornell University they have an incredible piece of scientific equipment known as the Tunneling Electron Microscope. Now, this microscope is so powerful that by firing electrons you can actually see images of the atom, the infinitesimally minute building blocks of our universe. Roger, if I were using that microscope right now, I still wouldn't be able to locate my interest in your problem.

 

[Triggaaar]

Quality.

Ok, looked it up and got it right this time - was just guessing first time

 

[thisistips]

"No soup for you! Come back, one year!" - Soup Nazi

 

[DanielT]

Brian Glover in 'Porridge':

"I read a book once. It were green."

first ep of porridge:

Doctor: Can you fill that up for me?
Fletch: what, from here?

 

[Blackadder]

Edmund: We live in an age where illness and deformity are commonplace and yet, Ploppy, you are without a doubt the most repulsive individual that I have ever met. I would shake your hand but I fear it would come off.

Edmund: He's mad. He's mad! He's madder than Mad Jack McMad, the winner of last year's Mr Madman competition.

Edmund: We've been sitting here since Christmas 1914, during which time millions of men have died, and we've advanced no further than an asthmatic ant with some heavy shopping.

 

[Norman Potting]

"These ones are small, those are far away".

 

[Spider]

A couple from Only Fools and Horses that I like (though are by no means the best ever):

1. Del, Rodney and Grandad staying in a spooky cottage with a convicted psychopath on the loose. Rodney opens the curtains to see a flash of lightning and a silhouette of a man standing at the window. Rodney turns round looking petrified.
Rodney: "Del, there is a MAN standing at the window"
Grandad: "He ain't got a bucket and shammy leather has he?"

2. Rodney starting up his own company, tells Del and Grandad that he's going into the holiday home market
Rodney: "We're starting small, you know"
Grandad: "What you got, a wendy house?"

Leonard Pierce was amazing!

 

[Wilko]

Girl: What do you prefer, grass or astroturf?
Rodney: Oh I don't know, I've never smoked astroturf

 

[pipkin112]

"Now brace youself Rodney"

 

[Stat Brother]

Frasier: [responding to a caller]
Roger, at Cornell University they have an incredible piece of scientific equipment known as the Tunneling Electron Microscope. Now, this microscope is so powerful that by firing electrons you can actually see images of the atom, the infinitesimally minute building blocks of our universe. Roger, if I were using that microscope right now, I still wouldn't be able to locate my interest in your problem.

That episode was on the other morning.
I even videoed the +1 hour just so I could have it.


And still forgot when I saw this thread.

 

[Icy Gull]

Arthur Daley

The world is your lobster my son

 

[Poyetry In Motion]

This thread has to have a Red Dwarf line in it.
So many to choose from (though not necessarily the best of all time) but my personal fave is from the 'Holoship' episode

Kryten: They've taken Mr. Rimmer! Sir, they've taken Mr. Rimmer!
The Cat: Quick, let's get out of here before they bring him back!

 

[Bwian]

I knew a girl once, I must have been keen on her-I took her to see India...


At The Oval
The Major-Fawlty Towers

 

[Blackadder]

I knew a girl once, I must have been keen on her-I took her to see India...


At The Oval
The Major-Fawlty Towers

"Churchill wasn't Black"

 

[Cosmic Joker]

Alan: Sophie, do you know what it says on the side of my car?
Sophie: Tosser?
Alan: No. You’re in the right ballpark. No, it actually says Cock Piss Partridge.

 

[Paskman]

"I don't believe it!"

Terry & June Xmas special: " as Churchill said before Gallipoli "Get stuck into Turkey!""- made me laugh anyway.

 

[Benson]

"These ones are small, those are far away".

+one for this.
I'm glad I read the thread through before posting this time.


And pretty much everything from Yes Minister.