Song titles or lyrics that are palpably untrue.

[Barnet Seagull]

Step up Mr Billy Swan.

and I quote

"If you've got a problem, don't care what it is If you need a hand, I can assure you this, I can help"

Well I never did meet my grandad...

 

[Withnail]

"Hope I die before I get old".
Do you really Mr Daltry? Not having second thoughts at all? At least 2 of The Who had conviction in what they were saying.

 

[Digweeds Trousers]

Cole Porter implied he got no kick from either alcohol or cocaine.

Well, let me get hold of the misery for an evening. I fill him so full of colombians best and booze that he'll shit his ring out all over his bedroom floor.

 

[The Large One]

'I was 21 years when I wrote this song, I'm 22 now but I won't be for long'

Um, er, run that by me again. Written in a Tardis, was it?

 

[Ex Shelton Seagull]

What a feeling, bein's believin'
I can't have it all, now I'm dancin' for my life"

Dancing for your life Irene? Sounds like the sort of thing the Nazi's used to do. For Christs sake, you work in a poxy steel mill not a fecking concentration camp. Stop being so melodramatic you dappy cow.

 

[Pevenseagull]

"Television" Disposable Heroes of Hiphoprisy

"The methadone metronome pumping out
150 channels 24 hours a day
you can flip through all of them
and still there's nothing worth watching"

...........has this man never seen 'Antiques Roadshow'?

 

[Pevenseagull]

"Hope I die before I get old".
Do you really Mr Daltry? Not having second thoughts at all? At least 2 of The Who had conviction in what they were saying.

good point, well made

 

[Easy 10]

"When I'm feeling weak, and my pain walks down a one way street" croons the tubby, tattoo'd, drugged-up fucktard Robbie Williams.

Pain is a sensation triggered by a series of signals transmitted to the cortex and interpretted by the brain via the body's central nervous system in response to the stimulation of millions of nerve-endings located around the body. It is NOT a seperate entity capable of walking down ANY street of its own accord without it's host being present, whether that street be one-way, single lane, dual carriageway or whatever.

Were Robbie to be experiencing pain down a one way street, in all likelyhood its probably because a group of like-minded adults have followed him down there equipped with baseball bats.

 

[Pevenseagull]

Summertime

"Your Daddy's rich and your ma is good looking"

WRONG

Dad's skint and my mum looks like Zelda from Terrorhawks

next

 

[Pavilionaire]

Clearly Shaun Ryder is no grocer, otherwise he'd know that owing to the spherical shape and hard exterior it is, indeed, impossible to twist a melon...

 

[Ex Shelton Seagull]

"But the sun's been quite kind while I wrote this song
It's for people like you that keep it turned on"

Elton, Elton, Elton. Listen very carefully you wig wearing wank stain. The Sun is a star, it cannot be turned on or off by anyone.

I think what you've done is confuse the sun with a lightbulb.

Now put your glasses back on and f*** off.

 

[Gritt23]

I'm a big fan of Prince, but in Purple Rain he sings ...

"Dream if you can a courtyard,
Oceans of violets in bloom,
THE SWEAT OF YOUR BODY COVERS ME ..."




That's horrible, but hang on ..... so you are covered in her sweat are you Prince? Now I know you are a little fella, but even so who in the World could sweat that much? Are you sure it's sweat?

 

[Schrödinger's Toad]

Chrissie Hynde promised she'd stand by me. Well, she wasn't there today - unless she was that smelly tramp by the bus stop. In which case she's really let herself go.

 

[Wozza]

Gonna live forever? Learn how to fly? BEHAVE!

 

[Squiggsy]

Mack the Knife.

Seems unlikely that a favourite kitchen utensil would be able to head off on a killing spree of its own accord.

Am now very worried about the evil looks that I'm getting from my fish slice.

 

[Digweeds Trousers]

I could never lie
For honour I would lie
Following the chinese way


So sung Mark King.

Having heard him on an edition of the Wogan show I heard him declare that he would not be reforming the band, and that Gary Husband was not in line for a come back.

Having remembered the lyrics to his song The Chinese Way, I believed him implicitly.

Imagine my horror when just months later Husband rejoins a new-look Level 42.

You clearly could and did lie, you weasel-faced has-been.

 

[Barnet Seagull]

Those foolish little small faces scamps.

In all likelihood none of them are or ever were little tin soldiers and if they were, it surely isn't a sensible course of action to be jumping into anyones fire.

Tin melts at 231.93. The surface temperature of a coal fire is upwards of 300. Bad choice, twats.

 

[Simster]

"Oh I wish it could be Christmas everyday" belt out ancient rock 70s icons, Slade. Yet there can't be many more ill conceived remarks than this.

What exactly do they want? 365 times more presents? Where would you put them all? And anyway, if a multiglomerate like Sony can't even keep up with demand for their PS2s for a mere one Christmas a year, how on earth would they manage with more Christmas's to produce for? Maybe an episode a day of the Vicar of Dibley is what they're asking for, although I think that is unlikely. Or maybe they want the billion or so Christians throughout the world to swallow the extraordinary notion that Jesus Christ was in fact born not just once, but 365 times - perhaps popping back into his mum's womb for a nap overnight just after fleecing the wise men of yet more presents.

Twats.

 

[Simster]

"It's hip to be square"

No Huey, it's f***ing SHIT - as Keith the natural born smoker lookalike at school found out to his cost.

 

[Easy 10]

I see a little silhouette-o of a man
Scalamoosh Scalamoosh will you do the fandango


Now come on Queen, this is just f***ing gibberish.