My wife’s COOKING is making me a LAUGHING STOCK on our street....

[Peever]

Must be the off season

 

[Uncle Spielberg]

Should I divorce her?

I wanted to bring this to the attention of the NSC masses as I am getting very ANGRY about my wife’s complete and utter LACK OF AMBITION when it comes to cooking.

Around 2 and a half years ago, I got sick of my ex-wife’s DREADFUL cooking and divorced her. If you think thats harsh, bear in mind that year upon year upon year she produced some of the worst food on our street. I used to dread mealtimes, and she quite literally “stank the place out”. I got food poisoning 19 times.

So I divorced her and got a new wife. My new wife was amazing. Within her first full year as my wife she consistently produced the best food on the street by a country mile... week in week out. This despite the fact that I gave her a budget to work from that was not as high as several of the other wives on the street.

But things have changed. After her brilliant first year, I moved us to a new street where the standard of cooking was much higher. She started off very well, but soon the fact that she was operating on a lower budget than the majority of other wives on the street had an effect. Some of them were spending triple what she was on ingredients and as a result producing better meals.

She was producing some very good meals, granted, but she was inconsistent. At the end of our first year on this street, she has been above average overall.

Pretty impressive given the budgetary restrictions, yeah?

WRONG. Her inconsistent cooking and lack of CLEAR SUCCESS does not fit at all with my PERMANENT SENSE OF ENTITLEMENT and obsession with INSTANT GRATIFICATION.

Quite frankly, I have a DIVINE RIGHT to be served the best meals in the street. Why? Because I said so, thats why.

So, I think I should divorce her and get a new wife. What do you think?

You could do but you could be a sad fucker rustling up beans on toast as " a treat ". The choice is yours.

 

[brakespear]

She kept putting cheese in every meal. Every single meal. Even if it didn't fit well in the meal or have any place there. She often put the cheese in the wrong bit of the meal too.

bravo

 

[cloud]

How do you know what the cooking is like on the rest of the street? Are you eating around?

And as for the cheese, maybe she is trying to fatten you up to stop you looking elsewhere.

 

[Postman Pat]

You are forgetting the time when your wife lived in Gillingham and you had to travel all that way for a pi$$ poor home cooked meal.

The new dining room is pretty special but it wont always be top quality fare, on the odd occasion a stodgy pudding will have to suffice.

However, I feel that now the seasons are changing your wife will have access to some new and exciting ingredients, if she can blend them correctly there could be some unforgettable meal times ahead.

 

[Badger]

I think you should stick with her, at least until the new allotment opens down the road and she'll be able to pick and choose her own fruit and veg. It will obviously take a little while for the new crops to flourish but I reckon she'll have some rich pickings in the end.

 

[Sussax]

 

[sydney]

Should I divorce her?

I wanted to bring this to the attention of the NSC masses as I am getting very ANGRY about my wife’s complete and utter LACK OF AMBITION when it comes to cooking.

Around 2 and a half years ago, I got sick of my ex-wife’s DREADFUL cooking and divorced her. If you think thats harsh, bear in mind that year upon year upon year she produced some of the worst food on our street. I used to dread mealtimes, and she quite literally “stank the place out”. I got food poisoning 19 times.

So I divorced her and got a new wife. My new wife was amazing. Within her first full year as my wife she consistently produced the best food on the street by a country mile... week in week out. This despite the fact that I gave her a budget to work from that was not as high as several of the other wives on the street.

But things have changed. After her brilliant first year, I moved us to a new street where the standard of cooking was much higher. She started off very well, but soon the fact that she was operating on a lower budget than the majority of other wives on the street had an effect. Some of them were spending triple what she was on ingredients and as a result producing better meals.

She was producing some very good meals, granted, but she was inconsistent. At the end of our first year on this street, she has been above average overall.

Pretty impressive given the budgetary restrictions, yeah?

WRONG. Her inconsistent cooking and lack of CLEAR SUCCESS does not fit at all with my PERMANENT SENSE OF ENTITLEMENT and obsession with INSTANT GRATIFICATION.

Quite frankly, I have a DIVINE RIGHT to be served the best meals in the street. Why? Because I said so, thats why.

So, I think I should divorce her and get a new wife. What do you think?

clearly she needs to be booed and taunted whilst cooking , perhaps she will then blame the produce, her budget , saucepans or gas supply and ultimately threaten to "go home".........leaving you with a string of unfulfilling relationships which will make you realise that her cooking was actually the best youv'e had in nearly 30 years.

 

[Thunder Bolt]

You are forgetting the time when your wife lived in Gillingham and you had to travel all that way for a pi$$ poor home cooked meal.

The new dining room is pretty special but it wont always be top quality fare, on the odd occasion a stodgy pudding will have to suffice.

However, I feel that now the seasons are changing your wife will have access to some new and exciting ingredients, if she can blend them correctly there could be some unforgettable meal times ahead.

Then again it doesn't matter what the ingredients are, he'll will always find fault with them. Cooking isn't always exciting and some plain fare is necessary so that the cuisine when at it's best is appreciated more.

 

[Acker79]

s there a reason you are randomly bumping old threads?

 

[Sussax]

s there a reason you are randomly bumping old threads?

I punched the vicar when I was 2, because he tried to drown me, I just want to be loved.

 

[mune ni kamome]

She needs to obtain some of the finest ingredients from that cottage up the road.

 

[drew]

Haven't read the whole thread but reading between the lines, are you saying you're sleeping with GP in between meals?

 

[SeagullSongs]

It took me until line 5 to get it

 

[Goldstone Rapper]

How do you know what the cooking is like on the rest of the street? Are you eating around?

This. I think that's the weirdest part of the OP's post, about knowing what the rest of the street cook and with what budget. Doesn't ring true.

 

[HovaGirl]

Stick with your wife, buy her flowers, and take up cooking the meals yourself.

 

[centurion40]

sorry I'm here by mistake, I thought it read "my wifes cockring"

 

[Return of the Rev]

sorry i'm here by mistake, i thought it read "my wifes cockring"

another mistake

 

[centurion40]

another mistake

Ha Ha stop picking on me Rev, I'm starting to feel insecure and vulnerable

 

[Brovion]

Actually, I don't think it's about cooking at all. I'm guessing it's something to do with hi-fi's? Or cars?