Jokes?

[FamilyGuy]

'Can I book an appointment to have 25% of this design permanently inked onto my body?'

'Quarter tattoo?'

'Half past one would be better.'



I've been fired from my job at the pasta factory after a fusilli mistakes.




An Aussie mate showed me his novelty Rolf Harris wig. I asked what it's made of. He said "tiny kangaroo down, sport!"

 

[The Wookiee]

Told the mrs I've just started a new job down the bowling alley !

"Tenpin ? " she asked

"No permanent !! " I replied !!

 

[Stoo82]

"I saw Peter Kay the other day"

"Cheesecake"

 

[EDS]

I went to Millets and said 'I want to buy a tent.' He said 'To camp?', I said [butchly] 'Sorry, I want to buy a tent.' I said 'I also want to buy a caravan.' He said 'Camper?' I said [campily] 'Make your mind up.'

 

[symyjym]

Q: How many Palace fans does it take to wallpaper a front room.














A: One if you slice him very thinly.

 

[Thunder Bolt]

 

[EDS]

A Brighton fan walks past a shop and sees the video "Brighton - The Glory Years". He goes into the shop and asks how much. "£100" says the shopkeeper. "That's a bit steep, how come it's so dear??" "Well it's a tenner for the video and £90 for the Betamax recorder!!

 

[symyjym]

Palace are to bring out a new team song and video to reflect their recent success.



“Sad All Over” is due to be released in time for their relegation.

 

[Goldstone1976]

What do you get if you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?

 

[raba]

My missus said she never **********s when she's on. She's a liar.

I came home from work early one day & caught her red-handed.

 

[Goldstone1976]

Pavlov walks into a bar. The phone rings behind the bar and he says "Damn, I forgot to feed the dogs".

 

[Goldstone1976]

And one for NSC's grammar pedants:

Knock, knock.
Who's there?
To.
To who?
To whom.

 

[symyjym]

What do you get if you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?

Do I have to say " I don't know, what do you get if you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?

 

[Goldstone1976]

Do I have to say " I don't know, what do you get if you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?

If some other posters had asked, I'd have responded "whoosh". Since it's you, I'll simply respond

 

[symyjym]

If some other posters had asked, I'd have responded "whoosh". Since it's you, I'll simply respond

I thought the joke may have been in there somewhere. The joke was a rhetorical question

 

[TheJasperCo]

Sheffield Wednesday

 

[Huple]

How many chefs can you get in a Volkswagon Passat estate ?

 

[Simster]

And one for NSC's grammar pedants:

Knock, knock.
Who's there?
To.
To who?
To whom.

Excellent shout.



Here are two crap cracker jokes:

What do you call two robbers?
A pair of nickers

What do you call a chicken in a shell suit?
An egg

 

[Russconha]

Got this in my Xmas cracker.

What did the thief who stole an advent calendar get?

24 days.

 

[ElectricNaz]

Why don't French chefs ever make an omlette using two eggs or more?

Because one egg is un ouef