If you had 5 minutes in the dressing room with the team before the game tomorrow..........

[Bwian]

Try to stay on your feet, we've watered both penalty areas so make sure you have the right boots on.

 

[Worried Man Blues]

OK men, ignore the miserable git in the corner and the Welshman in the bogs, just get out there and beat the crap out of them...............

 

[DavidinSouthampton]

Tell them how good they are.
Tell them how good they are again.
Tell them they need to believe they can win.
Tell them they should believe they can win, because they should win.
But tell them not to be complacent - they have to go out there and do it, to prove to the world, to the waiting 28,000+ people out there just how good they are.
That we are Brighton, that we play football the right way, and can overcome whatever Charlton throw at us, or however they play.
That most of those 28,000+ people are right behind them (although sometimes it is hard to believe.
Then tell them how good they are again.

 

[Albumen]

*points*
You, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, & you, man up like Ince and Upson and take those girly bright boots off.

Now go kick the shit out of the opposition.

 

[Tom Hark Preston Park]

Try to stay on your feet, we've watered both penalty areas so make sure you have the right boots on.

Well that's just CRAZY talk.

 

[penny's harmonica]

There's the league table, you do the math

 

[Jim D]

Lads? Life is just a series of peaks and troughs, and you don't whether you're in a trough until you're climbing out, or on a peak until you're coming down. And that's it, you know, you never know what's round the corner. But it's all good. "If you want the rainbow you've got to put up with the rain". Do you know which "philosopher" said that? Dolly Parton. And people say she's just a big pair of TITS.

Now go out there and smash it.

Would you swing round to look at Oscar and Jones when you said that?

 

[smeariestbat]

I'd go down the sentimental/emotional blackmail route

Gentlemen, there are 28,000 albion fans out there chanting YOUR names. There are more listening on the radio and watching on the internet near and far. I can assure you, that for at least one fan it will be their last. And for more, it will be their last season. Do the fans proud, go out there and win this game, and keep ****ing winning until you get to stand on that podium at Wembley as a Premier League team. This is your chance, this is their moment, ****ing take it!

 

[el punal]

Phew! I thought at first that this was going to be a thread about groupies.

 

[Seagull over Canaryland]

Try to stay on your feet, we've watered both penalty areas so make sure you have the right boots on.

Funnily enough that's what came into my mind - what's the use of giving the best motivational speech on the planet if the players haven't fitted the right studs and just fall on their backsides at critical moments, which seems to have happened far too often in recent matches. Oi!! Solly March, yes you laddie, I'm talking to you - now go and fit some proper effing studs in your girlie boots and try to stay on your feet, FFs!!!!!

Is it me or does it seem worse now most of the players are wearing Nike jobs, hardly an auspicious start for our new kit supplier?

 

[Norman Potting]

..And when you score you can do the ring a roses group celebration as was once done at Withdean. (But which game??)

 

[edna krabappel]

It's difficult to imagine Oscar getting fired up like we would though.

He seems to have the same expression for every interview.

This one?

 

[Barrel of Fun]

Tonight, gentlemen, is our last chance. Are you brave enough to take that chance?

I don’t want to see anyone running away from the bear. I want you to smother yourself in honey and kick the cr*p out of the bear.

Great moments are born from great opportunity. And that’s what you have here tonight, boys. That’s what you have earned here tonight. One game. If we played ‘em 10 times, they might win nine, but not this game. Not tonight. Tonight, we run with 'em. Tonight, we stay with 'em, and we shut them down because we can!

Even if you are on the right track, you’ll get run over if you sit still. I want to see you lying on the turf at the end of the match with not a breath left in you.
Don’t blow this chance. I’m not ready to say goodbye. She is too ugly to kiss goodbye.

Tonight, we are the greatest football team in the world. You were born to be footballers, every one of you. You were meant to be here tonight. This is your time. Screw ‘em. This is your time! Now go out there and take it!

 

[Stat Brother]

I'd say this was more of a Wembley poem, but what the hell:-


When you get what you want in your struggle for pelf,

And the world makes you King for a day,

Then go to the mirror and look at yourself,

And see what that guy has to say.



For it isn't your Father, or Mother, or Wife,

Who judgement upon you must pass.

The feller whose verdict counts most in your life

Is the guy staring back from the glass.



He's the feller to please, never mind all the rest,

For he's with you clear up to the end,

And you've passed your most dangerous, difficult test

If the guy in the glass is your friend.



You may be like Jack Horner and "chisel" a plum,

And think you're a wonderful guy,

But the man in the glass says you're only a bum

If you can't look him straight in the eye.



You can fool the whole world down the pathway of years,

And get pats on the back as you pass,

But your final reward will be heartaches and tears

If you've cheated the guy in the glass.

 

[Worried Man Blues]

These are footballers! Two lines and they are lost!

I'd say this was more of a Wembley poem, but what the hell:-


When you get what you want in your struggle for pelf,

And the world makes you King for a day,

Then go to the mirror and look at yourself,

And see what that guy has to say.



For it isn't your Father, or Mother, or Wife,

Who judgement upon you must pass.

The feller whose verdict counts most in your life

Is the guy staring back from the glass.



He's the feller to please, never mind all the rest,

For he's with you clear up to the end,

And you've passed your most dangerous, difficult test

If the guy in the glass is your friend.



You may be like Jack Horner and "chisel" a plum,

And think you're a wonderful guy,

But the man in the glass says you're only a bum

If you can't look him straight in the eye.



You can fool the whole world down the pathway of years,

And get pats on the back as you pass,

But your final reward will be heartaches and tears

If you've cheated the guy in the glass.

 

[KneeOn]

Lads, for the next two hours of your lives everything which doesn't involve a ball, 22 men and a patch of grass is to be forgotten. For the next two hours nothing is more important than making sure you do the job you get paid to do. Nothing is more important than making 28000 people go home happy. The pressure is on.

But the only reason you are under any pressure is because through hard work, determination and dedication you have proved that you can handle the task at hand. Through your sheer strength of characters you have formed a career that everyone in the stands would die for. You are technically gifted athletes. You're capable of making decisions quickly when the clock is ticking. But just because you can play like this it doesn't mean it comes easy.

That pressure of the thousands upon thousands of hopes, dreams and of fantasy goals scored in a goal made of jumpers is the vital essence of football. Without that pressure you simply cannot show your selves to be the best athletes you can be.

Use the pressure, make sure that you feel the enormity of the challenge ahead.

Lads, you are a team. If one of your comrades falters each of you has a responsibility to ensure they are firing again. Gordon, you need to not only lead by example but dig the team out of its darkest, deepest pits. Today, for two hours. It is all about the pressure, the fraternity of a football club and the desire to win.

And today, for two hours. All of you are capable of delivering.

 

[Return of the Rev]

Ok guys i want this game wrapped up before the 80 minute as i need to get on my toes today! Oh and launch the frigging ball up the pitch a bit quicker

 

[wellquickwoody]

This.

But once said selfie is taken, i'd remind them that they are a few wins from the play-offs, whereby literally ANYTHING could happen, and they could all end up being Premier League players come late May.

'If you like living in Brighton, and think you earn a fair wage, then go out and play the way you have been taught for the last few months.

Alternatively, if you want to progress, earn more money, make your family financially secure, then play with passion, heart and a fire in your belly. This, combined with positive attacking football, over the next few games could see this club at Wembley in May, and just maybe in the richest domestic league in the world.

If this happens you will be able to expect big wage rises from your new employers. Top end Championship teams whose fans demand that they challenge for the Premier League will pay big money to players that have proven they can take their club to the promised land, so go forth and seal your future!

Oh! YOU want to actually play in the Premier League? Oh dear.............(shuffles away)

 

[wellquickwoody]

I'd go down the sentimental/emotional blackmail route

Gentlemen, there are 28,000 albion fans out there chanting YOUR names. There are more listening on the radio and watching on the internet near and far. I can assure you, that for at least one fan it will be their last. And for more, it will be their last season. Do the fans proud, go out there and win this game, and keep ****ing winning until you get to stand on that podium at Wembley as a Premier League team. This is your chance, this is their moment, ****ing take it!

That is rather good.

 

[Ⓩ-Ⓐ-Ⓜ-Ⓞ-Ⓡ-Ⓐ]

Can't believe that after 4 pages of nonsense no one has suggested having a poo?