Glass hammers, tartan paint etc

[Juan Albion]

Managed to convince my young niece that there was such things as ... solar powered torch.

There is.

 

[Puppet Master]

Nicked from another forum...

Sent new bar man to pub up road to ask if they had any ice making solution.

He came back and said quite dead pan. "they said they normally just use water"

 

[Puppet Master]

There is.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Solar-powered_flashlight


Whaaat

 

[Badger]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Solar-powered_flashlight


Whaaat

"Flashlight" such a ridiculous word.

 

[Notters]

When I worked In a fitness centre years ago we got the work experience kid out to get some underwater paint to paint the lines on the bottom of the pool. We convinced him you could get paint that allows you to paint the lines while the water was still in the pool.

I wasn't there at the time but the others managed to convince a lad to put a snorkel and flippers on and sweep the bottom of the pool with a broom.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9NWBYP98k28

 

[Notters]

Managed to convince my young niece that there was such things as an inflatable dartboard and a solar powered torch. She also believed that her goldfish needed a water bowl when I said it looked thirsty

 

[binky]

I once heard a customer asking for Organic Sea Salt in the Farm Shop at Middle Farm, Firle. What was really impressive was the shop assistant's knowledge of chemistry, as she patiently replied: "NO".

Sadly...

http://www.amazon.co.uk/s/?ie=UTF8&...vptwo=&hvqmt=e&hvdev=c&ref=pd_sl_7002nz6qeq_e

 

[rool]

Often sent apprentices to the stores to get a "small bas tard file" only for the stores man to send them back with an apology that he only had a bloody big bugger of a file.

Pretty sure I used a bas tard file in metal work classes at school.

I did send the Mrs to the butchers for a pork sword once. She came back looking rather flushed but forgot the pork.

 

[Westdene Seagull]

A hotel I worked in it was always the restaurant waiters job to make tea and coffee for the kitchen staff during the shift. The Head Chef once insisted to a new fresh faced waiter that he needed it in a left handed mug. Unfortunately for the waiter all the mugs on the shelf were set up with the handles facing right. He sheepishly went back to explain he could only find right handed mugs.

 

[bobby baxter]

Pretty sure I used a bas tard file in metal work classes at school.

I did send the Mrs to the butchers for a pork sword once. She came back looking rather flushed but forgot the pork.

 

[Puppet Master]

A hotel I worked in it was always the restaurant waiters job to make tea and coffee for the kitchen staff during the shift. The Head Chef once insisted to a new fresh faced waiter that he needed it in a left handed mug. Unfortunately for the waiter all the mugs on the shelf were set up with the handles facing right. He sheepishly went back to explain he could only find right handed mugs.

A good one in the catering trade is send someone for a leg of salmon.

 

[Hillian1]

I did convince my Wife during the winter Olympics that the reason the Cross Country Skiers had rifles was because of the risk of bear attack.

 

[Ned]

Pretty sure I used a bas tard file in metal work classes at school.

There my friend is the joke in action. The subtlety of a play on words with the added seasoning of a little accuracy.

 

[smudge]

Loads from RN days.
One of my favourites was completing the money changing form when in Gibraltar; then seeing how many requested to exchange their pounds for giblets.
Splash target cox'n. Too long to explain here, but some poor gullible unfortunates have been scarred for life with this RN classic.
Malta Dog shoot. As above!
I once had one of my lads on HMS Fearless do a 2 hour fog lookout; we were in dry dock at the time.

Character building stuff.

 

[L2MidgetGem B.H.A Seagull]

Glass hammer Tartan/Rainbow paint

 

[lawros left foot]

Tartan breadcrumbs for the Scotch Eggs
Tropical raincoats, another RN one

We had a young shaver in my mess on the Ark Royal who we convinced that he would get a monthly bill for his bunk light usage. He believed it, a d got very irate when he found his light swtched on whenever he was off his pit, and even more so when his (mocked up ) bill was 3times more than anyone elses

 

[My Name Is Gully]

Some good ones - mate of mine got sent to the cake shop/bakers when an apprentice mechanic and one of the delights he had to ask for was a Ginger Quim!!!!

 

[glasfryn]

first week as an apprentice I stood like an idiot in Bennets(gone now it was at the bottom of North road) for an hour waiting for the guy to bring me a gable end

I did have the last laugh though when I was told what it is



I went home ................................those were the days

 

[AmexRuislip]

Couple of Air Force classics, a long stand and a bucket of prop wash

There is also the one for MT drivers: left / right hand indicator bulbs

 

[franks brother]

We sent the apprentice down to B and Q to buy a cordless extension lead