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corny joke comp
- Thread starter gonefishing
- Start date
Skinthead
Member
Whats worse than a dog chewing your shoe?
A Whale eating your Trainer!!
A Whale eating your Trainer!!
1066 seagull
New member
Two aerials meet on a roof, fall in love and get married.
The ceremony was terrible but the reception was brilliant.
The ceremony was terrible but the reception was brilliant.
Guy Fawkes
The voice of treason
- Sep 29, 2007
- 8,395
Seriously worried about my birthday in a few years time.
Apparently at 40 there's an 80% chance I'll kill a child.
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I currently own a system which is exactly 14 times better than Windows 7.
I call it: Windows 98.
Apparently at 40 there's an 80% chance I'll kill a child.
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I currently own a system which is exactly 14 times better than Windows 7.
I call it: Windows 98.
Barrel of Fun
Abort, retry, fail
There are 10 types of person that understand by binary.
Those who do and those who don't.
Those who do and those who don't.
A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet......
"My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?"
"Well," says the vet, "Let's have a look at him."
So he picks the dog up by its ears & has a good look at its
eyes.
"Well," says the vet, "I'm going to have to put him down."
"Because he's cross-eyed?"
~ "No, because he's very heavy."
"My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?"
"Well," says the vet, "Let's have a look at him."
So he picks the dog up by its ears & has a good look at its
eyes.
"Well," says the vet, "I'm going to have to put him down."
"Because he's cross-eyed?"
~ "No, because he's very heavy."
Guy Fawkes
The voice of treason
- Sep 29, 2007
- 8,395
An eldery woman takes her unwell pet Hamster to the vets, the vet examines the hamster and tells the woman that there is nothing he can do to save the pets life.
The eldery woman obviously distressed by the news demands a second opinion, so the vet disappears for a minute and returns with a dog, the dog then sniffs the hamster, looks at the vet and shakes its head before leaving, the vet then leaves again and returns with a cat, the cat also sniffs the hamster and shakes its head.
The vet passes on his sympathies to the eldery woman and hands her the bill for his services. £600!! she shouts, thats outragous its normally just £75 for a check up, why is it so expensive? Well says the vet, it would have been £75, but that was before the Lab report and a cat scan you wanted.
The eldery woman obviously distressed by the news demands a second opinion, so the vet disappears for a minute and returns with a dog, the dog then sniffs the hamster, looks at the vet and shakes its head before leaving, the vet then leaves again and returns with a cat, the cat also sniffs the hamster and shakes its head.
The vet passes on his sympathies to the eldery woman and hands her the bill for his services. £600!! she shouts, thats outragous its normally just £75 for a check up, why is it so expensive? Well says the vet, it would have been £75, but that was before the Lab report and a cat scan you wanted.
thejackal
Throbbing Member
World's Shortest Joke:
A seal walks into a club.
A seal walks into a club.
FLOG GNAW
Banned
My son hit Puberty today.
f*** me, some of the kids he hangs around with have got ridiculous names.
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Call it a hunch, but I'm pretty sure I have an abnormal convex curvature of the upper spine.
f*** me, some of the kids he hangs around with have got ridiculous names.
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Call it a hunch, but I'm pretty sure I have an abnormal convex curvature of the upper spine.
SULLY COULDNT SHOOT
Loyal2Family+Albion!
What's worse than a worm in your apple?
Half a worm in your apple.
(I think I was told that when I was four - 38 years ago!)
Half a worm in your apple.
(I think I was told that when I was four - 38 years ago!)
HAILSHAM SEAGULL
Well-known member
- Nov 9, 2009
- 10,370
A coloured prostitute is a Chelsea fan and has a tattoo on the inside of each thigh, Ashley Cole's face on the left and John Terry's face on the right.
She says to her punter, Paddy, "If you can guess who they are you can have a free shag."
Paddy looks left and right and says " I dunno who those ugly bastards are, but the one in the middle with the fat lips and curly hair is definately Drogba.
She says to her punter, Paddy, "If you can guess who they are you can have a free shag."
Paddy looks left and right and says " I dunno who those ugly bastards are, but the one in the middle with the fat lips and curly hair is definately Drogba.
The Peanut Roaster
Banned
Had 5 e's round my mate's house last night.
Shit hand at scrabble..........
Shit hand at scrabble..........
The Peanut Roaster
Banned
How much do pirates pay to have their ears pierced?
A buck an ear.
A buck an ear.
Two cannibals were eating a clown, one turns to the other and says,
"Does this taste funny to you?"
"Does this taste funny to you?"
thejackal
Throbbing Member
What has ears but cannot hear? A field of corn.
thejackal
Throbbing Member
How is an ear of corn like an army? It has lots of kernels.
thejackal
Throbbing Member
What did the mathematician do when he had constipation?
He worked it out with his pencil.
He worked it out with his pencil.
Digweeds Trousers
New member
Man takes ill wife to the hospital as she has been filling ill for weeks.
After days of tests the doctor tells the man that he is very sorry but there is a real problem in diagnosing the wife.
'WE know that she either has Aids or Alzheimers.....trouble is we just cant be sure which it is'.
'What the hell can i do' asks the man frantic with worry.
'well' says the doctor, pulling him to one side. 'How far away do you live?'
'About an hours drive' says the man through sobs and tears.
The doctor leans to him and whispers in his ear....'half way home boot her out of the car and drive off. If she comes home.....dont shag her'.
After days of tests the doctor tells the man that he is very sorry but there is a real problem in diagnosing the wife.
'WE know that she either has Aids or Alzheimers.....trouble is we just cant be sure which it is'.
'What the hell can i do' asks the man frantic with worry.
'well' says the doctor, pulling him to one side. 'How far away do you live?'
'About an hours drive' says the man through sobs and tears.
The doctor leans to him and whispers in his ear....'half way home boot her out of the car and drive off. If she comes home.....dont shag her'.