corny joke comp

[¤DãŃn¥ §êãGüLL¤]

Have you ever wondered....

What do blind people think about when they masturbate?

 

[¤DãŃn¥ §êãGüLL¤]

At the store where I work, a lady was trying to return some of her teenage daughter's underwear that didn't fit properly. We have a strict "no underwear returns" policy...
Normally.

 

[¤DãŃn¥ §êãGüLL¤]

Why did the girl fall off the swing?

She had no arms

 

[Lankyseagull]

William Shakespeare walks into a bar.

The Landlord says "Get out, you're Bard"

 

[Lewes' best seagull]

A horse walks into a bar.
Barman: why the long face?
Horse: I've got AIDS.

 

[Cpt. Spavil]

Two old age pensioners are having a 69.

After five minutes he says, "Sorry, love, the smell's too bad down there - I can't carry on."

"That'll be my arthritis," she says.

"What? I never heard of anyone having arthritis in their fanny before."

"No," she says. "It's in my arms and hands... I can't wipe me arse."

i like that

 

[Barrel of Fun]

William Shakespeare walks into a bar.

The Landlord says "Get out, you're Bard"

Why? What did he do?

 

[Tom Hark Preston Park]

Bloke wakes up in a hospital and says doctor doctor I can't feel my legs. Doctor says no need to worry we've amputated your arms.

 

[The Wizard]

Why did the girl fall off the swing?

She had no arms

 

[¤DãŃn¥ §êãGüLL¤]

A horse walks into a bar.
Barman: why the long face?
Horse: I've got AIDS.

Goodbye drink!

 

[Twinkle Toes]

2 obesely overweight blokes sitting in a pub. One pipes-up: "You're round".
His mate retorts: "So are you, ya fat bastard..."

 

[¤DãŃn¥ §êãGüLL¤]

I got kicked out the Scouts for eating a Brownie

 

[¤DãŃn¥ §êãGüLL¤]

Just been watching a show about that Indian girl born with 8 limbs.

Peter Parker has some explaining to do.

 

[¤DãŃn¥ §êãGüLL¤]

My dog does a somersault everytime Man Utd score a goal.

Sometimes he does two somersaults, it depends how hard I kick him.

 

[¤DãŃn¥ §êãGüLL¤]

Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergency, notify:"

I always put "Doctor". What the f***'s my mother going to do?

 

[Guy Fawkes]

Apparently clumsy people are more likely to be obese, that's because they keep walking into things....Like McDonald's.

 

[Guy Fawkes]

A couple of hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do?”

The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: “Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead.” There is a silence, then a shot is heard.

The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: “OK, now what?“

 

[Guy Fawkes]

Someone just shouted A B G N at me, I thought that was bang out of order

 

[Twinkle Toes]

A man walks into the Doctors & says "I've got a Strawberry growing out the side of my head".

The Dr says: "Don't worry, I've got some cream for it".

 

[Guy Fawkes]

A black man with a seagull on his head goes to the doctors
The doctor asks what he can do for you and the seagull said "can you remove this blackhead from my foot"?

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2 nuns in the bath, one says "where's the soap" and the other one says "yes doesn't it"