Bottom wiping

[The Antikythera Mechanism]

Scrunching is an absolute MUST for Izal or other "greaseproof" paper otherwise none of the poo is transferred to the wiping medium,rather smeared up to between the shoulder blades or worse,in the event of a forward wipe, the scrotal sack. For the softer type of paper a multi- fold approach should be adopted although it should be remembered that poo "flavour" can ,apparently, penetrate 9 sheets of softwipe. Whilst vaguely on this subject may I add a little joke?

What do you call an artist with brown fingers?




Picasso of course!

Your username if very apt

 

[Gullys Cats]

Just been for my mid morning coffee poo, and thought i would use a different wiping technique. normally i scrunch the toilet paper up and give a good wipe, but today i went for the folded paper technique. Wasnt too impressed as i got a bit of poop on my finger and therefore had to revert back to my trusted paper crunching method.

Just wondering if there are any other bum wiping methods out there.

Yes i am very bored at work

I have a b-day darling!

 

[Poyetry In Motion]

I always poo before I get up

Um.... you shit your bed??

 

[nail-Z]

I send in the folded tissue for the preliminaries, then finish up with a nice moist tissue wipe to clear up any residue.

Although I do have the benefit of being a baker, so only perform aforementioned exercise at home.

 

[HastingsSeagull]

fold for sure. always wondered how people manage to do it while still seated. I have to stand up to wipe

 

[cloud]

Any method, followed by a wet wipe for a clean and skid-free finish

 

[pigbite]

I think if you are at Lancing College you get a fag to do it.

 

[wehatepalace]

Any method, followed by a wet wipe for a clean and skid-free finish

This.
Although I do go for the folded approach followed my an Andrex Washlet to ensure the highest standard of bottom cleanliness !

 

[Hillian1]

I have never looked at how my butler preforms this task.

I will ask him and report back.

 

[Box of Frogs]

Scrunch gives too rough a finish, folding is far smoother, 4-6 sheets tops. Go back for seconds if dealing with a post-curry poo, rather than attempting a one-stop clean up.

As regards to direction of wipe, a lways a round the side front to back which gives a natural lift off rather than a between the legs pull forward which could cause a pooey sack.

 

[BBassic]

Three sheets
Fold in half
Wipe
Fold in half again
Wipe
Drop

It's the only way to wipe IMO

 

[Fignon's Ponytail]

It has to be folding....
3 sheets is usually enough (unless its a particularly tricky shit), and then folded in such a way that your hand is covered sufficiently so theres no spillage on to the skin.
Using the forefinger as the main wiping instrument is key as well - you cant get a good solid cleaning stroke if you scrunch like Bladders does...!
Finishing up with a wet wipe is a nice touch too - think I may add it to my routine.....

 

[maltaseagull]

Just been for my mid morning coffee poo, and thought i would use a different wiping technique. normally i scrunch the toilet paper up and give a good wipe, but today i went for the folded paper technique. Wasnt too impressed as i got a bit of poop on my finger and therefore had to revert back to my trusted paper crunching method.

Just wondering if there are any other bum wiping methods out there.

Yes i am very bored at work

Who gives a sh*t?

 

[albionalex]

A group of mates have had this discussion. Out of the 6 of us there were 5 scrunchers and 1 folder.

 

[bn1&bn3 Albion]

Just about to have a mid morning Danish...............................



Thank you

Absolutely textbook timing for your poo may I say, right in that classic 10.30 - 11.30 window.

I go for a two-fold (if you'll pardon the pun) approach to wiping. If there's a lot left behind I'll start if with scrunch as I find it gets more purchase and is good for getting those chunks that can got caught in the hair, then the finishing touches are applied with a neatly folded 4 or 5 squarer which really helps to tidy things up.

Ohhh that it way to much detail

 

[sydney]

A group of mates have had this discussion. Out of the 6 of us there were 5 scrunchers and 1 folder.

i fold and grip/scrunch mid wipe to get all the left-overs off.....i have ,on average three shits every morning before leaving for work around 6 am.

 

[xenophon]

I wash my arse after a Douglas, with the shower head or a watering can. Then I dry my hoop with bog roll, ergo I never have skid marks in my grundies

Smearing your be-shitted arse with dry paper is disgusting

 

[The Buttery Biscuit Base]

As an advocated for folding the idea of scrunching is bonkers. Some questions I have.

How do you hold the paper?

Doesn't it just smear the bum cigar further up the crack?

How do you get a polished finish?

Are you an animal?

Would you know the difference if i gave you some moss to use?

 

[El Presidente]

The danger of scrunching is that if you are off target you can end up with a BUNGLE's FINGER (Younger readers, not familiar with RAINBOW, may need to research this).