Thread of offensive jokes you have been warned!!

[Johnny Crumplin Football]

A little girl is having a bath with her Dad and suddenly says ''oh Daddy what is that between your legs?''

The Daddy says, ''It's my cock''

She asks ''When can I have one?''

Daddy replies, ''When your mother goes to bingo''

 

[Johnny Crumplin Football]

No offense meant by any of these jokes. I am a devoted father but was just trying to recall what I found funny when I was a stupid teenager. Funny how growin up changes you. To be fair there are some crackers on here

 

[redneb]

Why did the little girl fall off the swing?

She didn't have any arms.

 

[Tim Over Whelmed]

I laughed at some and was offended by some, but I was warned by the title so shouldn't really get the arse.

 

[User removed 4]

Ok then here goes,

Whats the difference between " no , no please not up the arse " and "hmmm, hmmm, hmmmm" ?? .............................................. gaffer tape.

 

[ds4000]

What do you call a woman with no legs?.............................Dirty cu*t.

 

[Guerrero]

Why do women have legs?
Ever seen the mess that snails make?

 

[Fred Oliver - Legend]

I saved a women from being raped last night.










i stayed in and had a wank.

 

[pottert]

I am not easily offended, far from it. Love a bit of smut and sex jokes. Can laugh at myself and at others. Dont mind anything with an adult theme. But quite frankly people who find, the death of children and child sex abuse something to laugh about are sick fucks. I hope and pray that none of lifes evils beset you. This thread in places has grossly overstepped the mark and people who find this sort of joke funny, need to take a good long look in the mirror.

its not real its humour.The thread stated offensive jokes.
sick people do horrible things in life telling jokes is not horrible.The soaps are full of sick storylines & millions of people watch everyday.

 

[seagullsoverlincoln]

i needed somebody to look after the kids but with the credit crunch I got stuck with the worlds worst babysitter,but when Kate McCann said she was unavailable...........

 

[pottert]

i needed somebody to look after the kids but with the credit crunch I got stuck with the worlds worst babysitter,but when Kate McCann said she was unavailable...........[/QUOTE

I might sound stupid but i dont get it.Please explain

 

[Skint Gull]

This is exactly the point! All jokes like this will offend some, and some jokes in particular will offend most people but at the end if the day, they're all just jokes (some better than others) and people were warned. In the past 10 years of my life my best friend has died in a car crash, another close family friend had passed away at 21 years old of cancer and another recently had a child born at 29 weeks that it still on life support. I've heard plenty of jokes on those subjects that are a bit close to home for me but others have pissed themselves about, if you don't like a joke about certain subjects but like most offensive jokes just ignore it and move onto the next one!

 

[pottert]

This is exactly the point! All jokes like this will offend some, and some jokes in particular will offend most people but at the end if the day, they're all just jokes (some better than others) and people were warned. In the past 10 years of my life my best friend has died in a car crash, another close family friend had passed away at 21 years old of cancer and another recently had a child born at 29 weeks that it still on life support. I've heard plenty of jokes on those subjects that are a bit close to home for me but others have pissed themselves about, if you don't like a joke about certain subjects but like most offensive jokes just ignore it and move onto the next one!

WELL SAID

Life is a bitch & kicks you in the teeth when you least expect it.
Everybody on this planet has a story to tell,some good some bad.If you are on here reading offensive jokes that must mean
that your life is not that bad.

 

[hitony]

This is exactly the point! All jokes like this will offend some, and some jokes in particular will offend most people but at the end if the day, they're all just jokes (some better than others) and people were warned. In the past 10 years of my life my best friend has died in a car crash, another close family friend had passed away at 21 years old of cancer and another recently had a child born at 29 weeks that it still on life support. I've heard plenty of jokes on those subjects that are a bit close to home for me but others have pissed themselves about, if you don't like a joke about certain subjects but like most offensive jokes just ignore it and move onto the next one!

I am going to a funeral on monday, very close friend's of ours, their Daughter died on Christmas day, she was 23, also this child is a very close friend of my daughters, the family were told at around 10.30am to say goodbye to their daughter as the life support machines were being turned off, the girl still fought for 3 hours after the machine was turned off, tragic and very moving for all concerned.
I can if required, repeat many close to home moving stories all of them true, but it still does not stop me laughing at what is called a "Joke"!!
A joke is what it is, A JOKE, something funny to some not so funny to others, but it is still a joke, my wife read this thread last night before we went out, she was crying with laughter at some of the jokes and not so much at others, but she was not offended by any single one of the jokes on here.
The main reason i rest my case on this is, It was me that changed the thread title, I wanted to make it very clear as to what this thread contained, the simple facts are, if you are not happy with what this or any other thread contains, then dont open it, it is the individuals choice.
Up to now there has not been one report about this thread, there is a thread in existance which has been about for a few years which shows totally naked women, again not one report over it.
Lighten up people, times are tough for many at the moment and the ability to be able to laugh is important, lets face it, there is not much to laugh about at the moment, and some of the jokes in this thread are VERY funny, enjoy the ones you like and ignore the ones you don't.
It really does my head in every time a higher league manager's job is in question and straight away a thread starts about that club want Gus, do you know what, I don't open that thread as I am aware the contents wont interest me.........Simples!!
As I am a mod, I am sure the above will be dissected by some, carry on, everyones entitled to an opinion, but what will intrigue me is, why did you open this thread, when the warning on the tin is loud and clear.
I am a very responsible person, but it does not stop me laughing at what I (and many others) think is funny.
(by the way Skint Gull, I only quoted your post because i agreed with the contents of it )

 

[alan partridge]

This, the same tossers who tell, and laugh at madeleine mcann jokes will be throwing their hand up in self righteous horror at a so called "racist" joke.

had to get that in....

 

[Brownstuff]

I think no subject matter should be out of bounds for jokes and not sure why some people get offended so easily
One thing though, jokes especially on Sickipedia regarding rape and repeated jokes about that little girl Madelaine as an example are blatantly not funny

 

[Buffalo Seagull]

Why did the pervert cross the road?

His dick was stuck in the chicken

 

[Guy Fawkes]

9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape

 

[Buzzer]

All this talk of rape reminds me of an album I've got by the very louche Peter Wyngarde (aka Jason King). He recorded an album way back, I've got it on CD and this track features on it. And sure enough - it's rather tastelessly called 'Rape'. The title is not the worst offence on this song by a country mile though.

The reason why I mention it is that it manages to encompass casual racism and sick jokes about rape all in one very very nasty song. Perhaps the only song that has ever left me shaking my head in disbelief. Listen for yourself.

[yt]fDfnkm3WN9k[/yt]

 

[Buzzer]

As a counter-balance to that tune, Rhoda Dakar recorded 'Boiler' which deals with the subject matter as it really is. Strong message, great song.

[yt]Wtp4O3SvIeg[/yt]