Thread of offensive jokes you have been warned!!

[alan partridge]

All this talk of rape reminds me of an album I've got by the very louche Peter Wyngarde (aka Jason King). He recorded an album way back, I've got it on CD and this track features on it. And sure enough - it's rather tastelessly called 'Rape'. The title is not the worst offence on this song by a country mile though.

The reason why I mention it is that it manages to encompass casual racism and sick jokes about rape all in one very very nasty song. Perhaps the only song that has ever left me shaking my head in disbelief. Listen for yourself.

[yt]fDfnkm3WN9k[/yt]

crivens!

bizarre

 

[The Wookiee]

I was stopped by a woman in the street the other day and was quizzed about what grooming products I use, I replied facebook and haribos

 

[seagullsdaz]

Why the f*** is Rolf Harris the face of KFC?
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My girlfriend said I couldn't multi-task today so I proved her wrong.

Pissing while getting a blowjob probably wasn't the best way to do it
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My wife served me my dinner last night.

It took me f***ing hours to get the mashed potato off the strings of my tennis racket

 

[El Presidente]

I saw a fantastic looking Thai girl on the train the other night in a short skirt.

I kept saying to myself 'Don't get an erection, don't get an erection'

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But she did

 

[sod1]

there's a great new scheme employing people with learning difficulties to help repair roads and driveways damaged by the recent snow and ice .

for more details visit re-tarred.com

 

[R. Slicker]

2 WPCs on patrol with a Police Dog. One says " I'm freezing, I left my knickers at the station. The other one says " Let the dog sniff your fanny and he'll go and fetch them.
20 minutes later the dog returned with 2 truncheons, a broom and 3 of the custody sergeants fingers.

 

[R. Slicker]

After both suffering depression for a while me and the wife were going to commit suicide yesterday.
But strangely enough, once she killed herself i started to feel a lot better, so I thought f*** it, soldier on..!

 

[seagullsdaz]

I was watching TV with my girlfriend the other day, when i turned to her and shouted 'HAHA unlucky, I've got Chlamydia!!

'She was livid.She hates losing at Countdown.
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I went to the doctor this morning and told him that I had a hearing problem. He said "can you describe the symptons". I said "homer is a fat lazy twat and marge has got purple hair"

 

[LABHA]

What breaks when you give it to a 3 year old?


























Her pelvic bone

 

[seagullsdaz]

As I looked down at my son in his coffin, I thought, 'Why can't the little goth **** sleep in a bed like normal teenagers?'

 

[northstandnorth]

what's the difference between a truck load of Ping Pong balls and a truck load of dead babies?

You cant unload Ping Pong balls with a pitchfork.

 

[driller]

Will Kate McCann call her next child Wally?

 

[Garage_Doors]

Was having a decent lengthy shag the other night and was getting a bit tired so asked her if you would get on top,
Not raped many girls before have you she replied.

 

[Garage_Doors]

Girlfriend went mad the other night when she caught me having sex with her sister,
Told her she was being really silly for being jealous of a 6 year old.

 

[Stoo82]

As I looked down at my son in his coffin, I thought, 'Why can't the little goth **** sleep in a bed like normal teenagers?'

This

Will Kate McCann call her next child Wally?

and this