Things you should NEVER EVER do!

[Guinness Boy]

Cook sausages on a high heat whilst receiving oral pleasure.

 

[Jimmy Grimble]

forget where you've come here from; pretend that it's all real

 

[Willy Dangle]

Tell your French teacher (also gfriends mum) in French to open her legs because your manhood is massive. ouvert tu jambe Mon zob et grande, or something like that.

What you should do is listen in class and not believe your so called mate knows the answer when questioned by said teacher / girlfriends mum. She never liked me anyway.

 

[Stat Brother]

Borrow money from a man who's middle name is "The".

Not even Tarquin THE Interior Designer?

 

[Guinness Boy]

Not even Tarquin THE Interior Designer?

Not if you want your new, tasteful curtains repossessed.

 

[Kumquat]

Cook sausages on a high heat whilst receiving oral pleasure.

Good god! How many penises do you have?

 

[RupertsFlan]

mistakenly send a text to your good lady's mother asking how drunk she would have to be to rim you.

 

[Vegas Seagull]

At a late night curry house, shout 'Come on lads, let's do a runner!' and leg it to the door, with dozens of punters and waiters watching, only to find it locked to stop any more latecomers getting in

 

[Frutos]

Try to nick a Royal British Legion collection tin like some junkie **** did at my workplace today - thankfully he was stopped and taken away by security before he got anywhere.

 

[Frutos]

Place a treasured possession on the ground at at football match. A birthday card from your son, for example.

 

[Mutts Nuts]

1) substitute tomato ketchup for tomato purée in a bolognaise if you've run out of purée

Disagree with or contradict any one who joined NSC in 2005 or earlier

 

[Goring-by-Seagull]

Rip your banjo string and then try and stop the blood with a tissue.

HA! This takes me back. I had my helmet wrapped up in a turban of toilet paper!

So yeah, mine is: Don't go firing all cylinders in the shower. The water washes away the body's natural lubrication don't you know. Take it easy in water.

 

[Tom Hark Preston Park]

Run with scissors in your hands - unless your name is Edward Scissorhands

 

[Deleted User X18H]

Attend an Albion press conference with out first checking a bloke who was two years below you at school won't have a jealous hissy fit.

 

[Tom Hark Preston Park]

Make a hideous gargoyle face for a laugh, just in case the wind changes direction. Look what happened to Iain Dowie.

 

[Brownstuff]

Get involved in a war with the Taliban

 

[Acker79]

Apart from zombies and vampyres. They are not our friends. Or 50p-shaped-faced boyfriend material.

You need to leave one or two alive for sequels and redemption stories.

 

[Cheshire Cat]

Plumbing - absolutely anything to do with plumbing. Just leave it to the man.

 

[watsongooal]

Refer to anyone as black person as black

 

[Seagulltonian]

You should never leave the Amex early, during an Albion match, with the score delicately poised.
You just might miss that 94th minute Albion winner!