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Madeleine - a poll
- Thread starter Lush
- Start date
Gilliver's Travels
Peripatetic
I'd say that almost any parent weighing up this sad story will have had a pang of "there but for the grace of..." guilt-tinged discomfort.
As other posters have remarked, there seems to be a compulsion to point the finger of blame. But the attempted scapegoating of the Portuguese police seems particularly nasty. It's as if deflecting the blame on to Johnny Foreigner's plainly incompetent police force will, with any luck, take the spotlight off the British way of childcare.
A day when media attention is once again drawn to the killing by British police of an innocent (Portuguese-speaking) man, is no time for us to be advising foreigners on policing skills.
As other posters have remarked, there seems to be a compulsion to point the finger of blame. But the attempted scapegoating of the Portuguese police seems particularly nasty. It's as if deflecting the blame on to Johnny Foreigner's plainly incompetent police force will, with any luck, take the spotlight off the British way of childcare.
A day when media attention is once again drawn to the killing by British police of an innocent (Portuguese-speaking) man, is no time for us to be advising foreigners on policing skills.
Lush
Mods' Pet
- Thread starter
- #43
I started the poll because I felt that it was difficult for people to voice their true opinions about the subject. If you don't think the parents are to blame you run the risk of being called a bad parent yourself - which let's face it, no-one likes to hear.
It is also very easy and attractive to present yourself as a paragon of virtue when it comes to taking care of children.
I was also interested in how many people are actually in the position of having to judge what is right/wrong, safe/unsafe for their own children 24 hours a day, 365 days a year.
I didn't mean the poll to be in anyway ghoulish. I thought some anonymity would be more revealing about people's true opinions.
It is also very easy and attractive to present yourself as a paragon of virtue when it comes to taking care of children.
I was also interested in how many people are actually in the position of having to judge what is right/wrong, safe/unsafe for their own children 24 hours a day, 365 days a year.
I didn't mean the poll to be in anyway ghoulish. I thought some anonymity would be more revealing about people's true opinions.
dougdeep
New member
Let's just say I wouldn't have done it with mine.
Conkers
Well-known member
I totally blame the parents. Being 19 i wouldnt know the first thing about parenting but i know that if you have children who are that young you don't leave them in the house alone. If your putting the washing out, fine. But for dinner in the resort? Come on who in their right mind would do that?
If the parents were in the house at the time she would have not been taken so on that basis, it's the parents fault i'm afraid!
If the parents were in the house at the time she would have not been taken so on that basis, it's the parents fault i'm afraid!
Statto
007
Option 3. How the parents can escape blame Beggars belief. Cant imagin what they are going through though.
Lord Bracknell
On fire
I remember a hot, sunny day on Broadstairs beach. Our three children were aged 6 weeks, 22 months and 4 at the time. It was a very crowded beach and the tide was coming in. The 4 year-old went missing and it was the best part of half an hour before I found him - helping another 4 year-old to build a sand castle. As far as I was concerned, it was not a pleasant half hour. The 4 year-olds were quite happy, though.
Our "fault" for irresponsible holiday behaviour?
Would it have been better not to visit the beach in those circumstances?
Over to you, NSC ...
Our "fault" for irresponsible holiday behaviour?
Would it have been better not to visit the beach in those circumstances?
Over to you, NSC ...
Conkers
Well-known member
Lord Bracknell said:
No thats just being silly. On that basis you should not take your children anywhere at all until they are old enough to survive on their own.
They left kids in a hotel room on their own. what happened if the hotel was on fire? what if one was choking on something (for some reason)?
The circumstances are totally different, the only thing in common is that a child went missing.
Quite.
I posted in the other thread about that, not being there should your child need a nappy, wake from a night mare, fall out of bed. Those are usually the first things that pop into my mind, rather than someone snatching my baby.
It's tough to find the line that is there between giving them freedom and being overbearing and I think a lot depends on the individual child and their maturity, alongside the outside influences. We are struggling with this with my son right now, he's 9 but thinks he should be allowed to do the thinks a teenager can. The same boy who wanted to go to boarding school so he could have the 'freedom', we let him board for a week at his current school to test the waters, 10pm on the first night there my husband had to go retrieve him.
It's tough though to decide what is enough and when it becomes too much. My daughter is far more sensible, switched on and clued up than my son has ever been despite being a few years younger.
CJD - I think it goes without saying that each and every person on this forum would give 'blame' to the perpetrator of this crime, whoever they are and why ever they did this.
Lady Bracknell
Handbag at Dawn
Of children going missing, mine went through a very brief phase of seeing what happened if you got "lost" and whether you might get a drink and a biscuit by the shop staff who "found" you. Which brought on a combination of terrible parental fear and a strong desire to hand out a thoroughly good slapping!
So I still recall the day we were in Woolworths in Stevenage and they insisted they were left to look at the toys while we went into the next aisle. Having ascertained that they knew exactly where to find us we were startled to hear a Tannoy announcement describing two boys identical to the ones we'd brought into the shop. On going to retrieve them from where the little sods were being entertained throughout their "ordeal" we were not impressed to be told we didn't need to worry because it was just one of their "experiments" in being abandoned.
So I still recall the day we were in Woolworths in Stevenage and they insisted they were left to look at the toys while we went into the next aisle. Having ascertained that they knew exactly where to find us we were startled to hear a Tannoy announcement describing two boys identical to the ones we'd brought into the shop. On going to retrieve them from where the little sods were being entertained throughout their "ordeal" we were not impressed to be told we didn't need to worry because it was just one of their "experiments" in being abandoned.
Lord Bracknell
On fire
But what might have happened?Conkers said:
Lord Bracknell said:
I'd compare your situation to theirs had you taken your children to the beach, dropped them off and gone to the pub for a drink while they played.
I'd assume that since you were there you were supervising your children and keeping them safe to the best of your ability, no parent has eyes in the back of their head and children do wander off, thankfully, when you are there you tend to notice far quicker than if you'd been in the pub down the road instead of looking after them.
My son is a runner and ever since he could walk he has dashed off the minute he is out of the car, trolley, pushchair, there have been countless times I've 'lost' him.
Lord Bracknell
On fire
The 4 year-old in my story is still a runner. These days he tends to end up in places like Barcelona. I've stopped worrying, though, now he's 28.
i dont have kids, but the parents are purely to blame because if they were responsible we wouldnt be having this poll. But i suppose thier actions are something they are going to have to live with for the rest of their lives no matter what the outcome is
Yorkie said:Jamie Bulger got lost for a moment.
It isn't as black & white as people think, it was a restaurant, reported to be only 40 yds away (altho accounts vary) in a secure compound.
40 yards though, on the other side of a huge swimming pool. The abduction isn't the only thing - like I said before a crying baby, a nappy, a nightmare. Going for tapas is something Madeleine parents will have to live with for the rest of their lives, it's not a risk I am prepared to take with my children. They are my responsibility and it's my duty as their parent to protect and nurture them until they are grown and have fled the nest. Not three years old asleep in bed.