Bell Cheeses at work

[hans kraay fan club]

All I can say is some of you must have some very boring jobs if you spend that much time worrying about what your co-workers are doing.

You miss the point, by a distance. The thing is we really, really, really DO NOT care about what they are doing. We don't want to hear them eat / smell their body odour / be acosted by their pets / see photos of their children / catch their flu / see their holiday pictures (especially the ones who are FAT). We just want to get on with our (very boring) jobs in a relatively pleasant and tranquil environment.

(There is also a THERAPY element to this thread)

 

[Guinness Boy]

Oh, that's another thing - hot food at your desk. They can **** right off with that. Stinking the sodding place out. Eat a proper meal in the evening like NORMAL people, and eat a sandwich or something at lunchtime. Or better still **** off out of the office altogether for an hour to give the rest of us a break from you.

My whole TEAM has been known to go to the KEBAB HOUSE at lunchtime and bring them back to SCOFF at our desks. Makes perfect sense if you're all at it

Dogs in the office though? Actual DOGS? That's mental. You don't catch me in a suit in the park weeing up a tree or sniffing BUMS. Except on Thursdays.

 

[Brian Fantana]

We had an absolute SHITSTORM at work today, which required everyone to pitch it and take care of a few roles and issues that are not usually their responsibility. All well and good as we're a pretty close-knit team, so almost everyone immediately pitched in to get things sorted.

All except the prawn cocktail scoffing woman I mentioned earlier in the thread who sat her desk actually SNORTING with laughter whilst reading the right-hand panel of drivel on the Daily Mail website. Actually mental.

 

[British Bulldog]

You miss the point, by a distance. The thing is we really, really, really DO NOT care about what they are doing. We don't want to hear them eat / smell their body odour / be acosted by their pets / see photos of their children / catch their flu / see their holiday pictures (especially the ones who are FAT). We just want to get on with our (very boring) jobs in a relatively pleasant and tranquil environment.

(There is also a THERAPY element to this thread)

Have you tried telling them to go away and leave you alone then?

 

[Templeton Peck]

My area managers favourite phrase is "Are you telling me that...?" For example when she came back into the office the other day to be told the network had crashed and we had no internet access for about 90 minutes (worded exactly like that) she replied; "Are you telling me we have no internet at the moment?"

She's one of those people that gives a 50 word answer when it was a yes/no question and makes you wonder why you were stupid enough to ask her in the first place.

 

[Grombleton]

Hot food at the desk is a tough area. I used to occasionally do this at a previous web agency, but only food that wouldn't stink the place out.

I did a 3 month stint working at another web agency on the Lancing Business Park and occasionally the other people in the office would go to the Tuk Tuk and get some of their excuse for food; stunk the place out for HOURS.

 

[portlock seagull]

My area managers favourite phrase is "Are you telling me that...?" For example when she came back into the office the other day to be told the network had crashed and we had no internet access for about 90 minutes (worded exactly like that) she replied; "Are you telling me we have no internet at the moment?"

She's one of those people that gives a 50 word answer when it was a yes/no question and makes you wonder why you were stupid enough to ask her in the first place.

You don't work for the CEO of a south coast football club do you?

 

[portlock seagull]

Hot food at the desk is a tough area. I used to occasionally do this at a previous web agency, but only food that wouldn't stink the place out.

I did a 3 month stint working at another web agency on the Lancing Business Park and occasionally the other people in the office would go to the Tuk Tuk and get some of their excuse for food; stunk the place out for HOURS.

Hot food on crowded trains is even worse. Come on, get a sandwich like everyone else. Tonight a woman scoffed a chinese takeaway on her lap whilst browsing the Internet and people were standing in the carriage aisle it was that packed. Who thinks its a good idea to tuck into chop suey in this situation?! Wait people. Wait. Until you are home. And when did chinese start getting served on those American takeaway cartons? I tell you, won't be long before our native takeaway container shape is gone. Look what happened to red squirrels when old grey Yankee cousin 'popped' over for a short holiday. Hmmm

 

[Iggle Piggle]

I've just noticed this thread got bounced today due to the mention function thanks to [MENTION=3566]hans kraay fan club[/MENTION] where the falling down reference is eerily apt. I've been trapped in a meeting room all day with an avid Birmingham city fan and we have had to go through a monster spreadsheet which is the dictionary definition of boredom.

The solution to our boredom (as well as getting wellied on the train) was making football chants about out colleagues and likening the situation to Millwall away where we would have to ''run'' the oppo to get home. They were as good as staring at the window to make sure we had completed our requisite workload before we left and couldn't understand why we thought it was so funny. Our biggest laugh was the mumbled 'Does your boyfriend know your here' to the military, manly bloke who wanted to kill us. I never thought that chant could be funny but it proves there is a time and a place for everything.

On the downside, He did remind me numerous times that we must be shit if Birmingham have beaten us at home. Something they rarely do.

 

[BBassic]

Ill people is a particular irritation of mine this time of year.

Don't come into the office if you're ill. I don't want your germs. Stay at home. If you really must work, use your laptop. From your death bed.

 

[Guinness Boy]

Ill people is a particular irritation of mine this time of year.

Don't come into the office if you're ill. I don't want your germs. Stay at home. If you really must work, use your laptop. From your death bed.

Sick people on the train if you're commuting is just as bad. I got the train to London Bridge a few weeks ago and instantly regretted my choice of seat, for I ended up opposite a woman who coughed like an 80 year old miner on a pack of Capstan Full Strength for the whole length of the trip until she thankfully got off at East Croydon. God knows what she achieved that day, she wouldn't have been able to talk at meetings or on the phone without dying. Come to think of it I haven't seen her for a while. It terrifies me to think that Ebola could make it over here because there are some people who, despite knowing they have all the symptoms, would still jump on the 6.30 to London Bridge so they could walk Malcolm through their new spreadsheet.

 

[Badger]

Cackling woman seems to have been turned up to ELEVEN this morning, she sits in the furthest corner away from me in the office yet all I can hear every couple of minutes is her ridiculous CACKLING laugh. I think most offices have this woman in them, forty-something, fatty who refers to days of the week as: MonDEE, TuesDEE, WensDEE etc. and finds ANYTHING funny.

 

[hans kraay fan club]

Cackling woman seems to have been turned up to ELEVEN this morning, she sits in the furthest corner away from me in the office yet all I can hear every couple of minutes is her ridiculous CACKLING laugh. I think most offices have this woman in them, forty-something, fatty who refers to days of the week as: MonDEE, TuesDEE, WensDEE etc. and finds ANYTHING funny.

The middle-aged noise machine here, has a DAY OFF. Praise the LORD.

Leaving only the middle-aged simpleton.

"What shall I do with this?" (holds piece of paper toward herself)

Tell me what it IS?

 

[Questions]

Sick people on the train if you're commuting is just as bad. I got the train to London Bridge a few weeks ago and instantly regretted my choice of seat, for I ended up opposite a woman who coughed like an 80 year old miner on a pack of Capstan Full Strength for the whole length of the trip until she thankfully got off at East Croydon. God knows what she achieved that day, she wouldn't have been able to talk at meetings or on the phone without dying. Come to think of it I haven't seen her for a while. It terrifies me to think that Ebola could make it over here because there are some people who, despite knowing they have all the symptoms, would still jump on the 6.30 to London Bridge so they could walk Malcolm through their new spreadsheet.

I hate train sneezers and coughers. I told one the other day to put their hand in front and this snotty nosed Herbert of about 18 looked at me in a puzzled way that can only suggest nobody had every told him before. I also told him to take his feet off the opposite seat, dirty sod.

I was in a foul mood that day though.

 

[Badger]

I hate train sneezers and coughers. I told one the other day to put their hand in front and this snotty nosed Herbert of about 18 looked at me in a puzzled way that can only suggest nobody had every told him before. I also told him to take his feet off the opposite seat, dirty sod.

I was in a foul mood that day though.

Speaking up and telling someone? That's not very British!

Train annoyances really need their own thread (I think there have been a few), I could put together a VERY long list. Thank goodness I'm no longer commuting to London every day, this time of the year is the worst with sick people and an increase in ridiculous delays. Although I have traded that in for getting angry at other motorists, but it's for a much shorter time each day at least.

 

[Postman Pat]

The two biggest irritants in my office are:

1. The bloke who has no concept of personal space, he will plonk himself on the end of my desk and proceeds to practically be sitting on my lap, I have tried to move back and he just gets closer, it isn't just me either before anyone asks. He also has zero spacial awareness and will smash into things on a regular basis, usually my chair as he walks past, but he has crashed into dustbins and drawers before now.

2. The malingerer, I will be having a conversation with my boss about work and stuff and this guy will appear, he will stand there for as long as it takes waiting for my boss to speak to him, we could be having a personal or professional conversation but rather than saying " oh you are busy I'll come back in a mo", he will wait..... and wait.... and wait. I have taken to prolonging the conversation for as long as possible to see just how long he will hang on for. He is also one of those who will send an email and then come to see you 2 seconds later to ask "did you get my email".... no it must be lost in the post.....

 

[PILTDOWN MAN]

So glad I've missed this "office" work. Had my own office once, just me on my tod.

 

[Badger]

He is also one of those who will send an email and then come to see you 2 seconds later to ask "did you get my email".... no it must be lost in the post.....

I used to work with a Project Manager who did that, he was in the room next to mine and I knew as soon as his email appeared in my inbox I'd be getting a visit 10 seconds later. He took offence when I started counting out the time it took him to get to my desk.

 

[8ace]

People who stand behind you and talk to the person sat opposite you, over your head. C*NTS.

 

[Questions]

I hate offices. I don't work in them apart from a maintenance comtract I have had for many years for a company who have the plushes offices you have ever seen. Now one day when making a cup of tea in one of their 7 kitchens I left a hand print on the silver handle of one of those big American style fridges. The night manager of that dept took 7 pictures of the mark and sent it on to the maintenance manager who is my mate in emails complaining. It died there but what wankers frequent these places ? I sent him back a picture of an onion, I don't why.