Where is the worst football ground you've had a PLOP at?

[Dr. Notthenineo'clocknews]

in 46 years I've never taken a dump at school or at the match, I get out of bed, put the kettle on, sit on the bog and shit (with said task compleed by the time the water's boiled), I do eat a lot of Shredded Wheat though

 

[Mellor 3 Ward 4]

Blimey what's happening ? No mention of Fortress Selhurst ??
Worse toilets, in no particular order,
Manor Ground - Oxford.
The Valley - corrugated roof.
Plough Lane.
Goldstone .

Having a piss is the AW stand is dangerous enough.

You'd have to have a death wish to have a shit there.

 

[PHCgull]

brentford one boxing day. lunchtime kick off if i remember. the ONLY trap that wasnt full was literally "full". I had to hover, hungover as ****. when i got back to the terrace, walking like john Wayne, dean wilkins had kneed one in from 30 yards and we won 1-0 - i missed it...

 

[Man of Harveys]

Three pages in and still no-one's claiming ever to have had a crap in the Goldstone's North stand's, erm, rudimentary facilities?

I make it that very roughly anywhere between 2 and 2.5 million people stood in that stand or terrace during its existence. Surely someone must have felt the urge?

 

[Julio]

Three pages in and still no-one's claiming ever to have had a crap in the Goldstone's North stand's, erm, rudimentary facilities?

I make it that very roughly anywhere between 2 and 2.5 million people stood in that stand or terrace during its existence. Surely someone must have felt the urge?

Confession time, is there a priest in the house? FA cup, home to Bournemouth, must have been the year we eventually went out to Aresenal and Doug didn't get to go up and lift the FA cup. I hadn't missed a home game since '79 and a severe bout of what they now call the winter sickness bug, but back then was just a case of the chronic thripenny bits, wasn't going to stop me. Having squeezed out half a dozen or so before lunch I took the gamble of my life. If backfired badly.

70 minutes in, sweat dripping from my brow and my knees weakening by the second. A choice to be made. It's what separates us from the animals. I think there was only one cubicle, certainly no lock on the door, and not even a crumpled sheet of tracing paper to be seen. Trust me the experience stays with you, and only a French service station comes close in terms of having to grit your teeth, letting it rip and praying that you survive to enjoy that uncomfortable feeling of the soggy remains forming a pungent crust.

Yes, I shat in the North Stand and lived to tell the tale. My good friend, who will be known to many and made the move from East Grinstead to the US, can top that though. Shrewsbury at home, a screamer rattles the bar, a jump in expectation of a goal only to land back on two feet to realise that the gates have opened. He was given a wide berth.

 

[Se20]

Having a piss is the AW stand is dangerous enough.

You'd have to have a death wish to have a shit there.

I'm not surprised, your lot smashed all the sanitary ware !

 

[thedonkeycentrehalf]

My good friend, who will be known to many and made the move from East Grinstead to the US, can top that though. Shrewsbury at home, a screamer rattles the bar, a jump in expectation of a goal only to land back on two feet to realise that the gates have opened. He was given a wide berth.

Wasn't he also reknowned for 'turtles heads' visiting his underwear on numerous inter city trains throughout the late 80's early 90's?

 

[HastingsSeagull]

palarse's smellworst

it's terrible but we all know this

 

[Julio]

Wasn't he also reknowned for 'turtles heads' visiting his underwear on numerous inter city trains throughout the late 80's early 90's?

Yes, undoubtedly so, and rightly proud of it.

 

[surlyseagull]

Me and the wife were crying reading these out loud !!

 

[Raleigh Chopper]

Confession time, is there a priest in the house? FA cup, home to Bournemouth, must have been the year we eventually went out to Aresenal and Doug didn't get to go up and lift the FA cup. I hadn't missed a home game since '79 and a severe bout of what they now call the winter sickness bug, but back then was just a case of the chronic thripenny bits, wasn't going to stop me. Having squeezed out half a dozen or so before lunch I took the gamble of my life. If backfired badly.

70 minutes in, sweat dripping from my brow and my knees weakening by the second. A choice to be made. It's what separates us from the animals. I think there was only one cubicle, certainly no lock on the door, and not even a crumpled sheet of tracing paper to be seen. Trust me the experience stays with you, and only a French service station comes close in terms of having to grit your teeth, letting it rip and praying that you survive to enjoy that uncomfortable feeling of the soggy remains forming a pungent crust.

Yes, I shat in the North Stand and lived to tell the tale. My good friend, who will be known to many and made the move from East Grinstead to the US, can top that though. Shrewsbury at home, a screamer rattles the bar, a jump in expectation of a goal only to land back on two feet to realise that the gates have opened. He was given a wide berth.

Fantastic, but if I may argue one point of your world class post.
I will take your French service station and raise you my hot, airless toilet in a packed bar on any Greek island in August with the khazi blocked with bog roll and the pedal bin overflowing with soiled arsewipe.
The worst experience ever.

 

[atfc village]

The Trap at The Cyder Press on The Barbican at Plymouth was a site to behold .It was a Football awayday so i'll toss that one in .

 

[Raleigh Chopper]

The Trap at The Cyder Press on The Barbican at Plymouth was a site to behold .It was a Football awayday so i'll toss that one in .

Great post. I love the Cyder Press I was there last Saturday, the bog is orrible you are right but the bar is so small and packed with everyone dancing you end up with your chin in some birds cleavage you cant fail to pull luckily thats what all the women are there for in the first place.

 

[Leighgull]

God.

When I visited Prenton Park I had been on the piss in Liverpool that culminated in a strange Chinese meal in ( I kid you not) an NCP car park in the Chinatown district...I was totally hammered after an epic session with another NSCer and we were eating, among other things, chickens feet and some sort of anemones...fast forward to Saturday morning and the journey to Birkenhead via the Woodside ferry and the stomach cramps begin..on the bus from Hamilton square to Tranmere I actually started to leak shit and had to ditch my drawers in the pub next to the ground, once in the Away end I spent the first half in the dunny which absolutely honked and had no bog seat OR paper and had a pool of piss soaked newspaper on the floor...I had to clean myself with pages from the programme and arrived back in the stand in time to see Tranmere equalise to end the match in a miserable 1-1 after we had led for most of the match ( I heard us score from my miserable cubicle) the journey home was utterly wretched with frequent shivering visits to the awful Kharzi on the train...

So. Prenton Park. Tranmere Rovers Football Club for me.

 

[BN9 BHA]

God.

When I visited Prenton Park I had been on the piss in Liverpool that culminated in a strange Chinese meal in ( I kid you not) an NCP car park in the Chinatown district...I was totally hammered after an epic session with another NSCer and we were eating, among other things, chickens feet and some sort of anemones...fast forward to Saturday morning and the journey to Birkenhead via the Woodside ferry and the stomach cramps begin..on the bus from Hamilton square to Tranmere I actually started to leak shit and had to ditch my drawers in the pub next to the ground, once in the Away end I spent the first half in the dunny which absolutely honked and had no bog seat OR paper and had a pool of piss soaked newspaper on the floor...I had to clean myself with pages from the programme and arrived back in the stand in time to see Tranmere equalise to end the match in a miserable 1-1 after we had led for most of the match ( I heard us score from my miserable cubicle) the journey home was utterly wretched with frequent shivering visits to the awful Kharzi on the train...

So. Prenton Park. Tranmere Rovers Football Club for me.

I am missing that programme from my collection, do you want to sell it??

 

[Black Rod]

Stockport County on that old terrace behind the goal was terrible. Not only did it resemble something out of the Somme but the lack of toilet paper meant that the only wiping option available was my own personal handkerchief which was plainly not big enough for the area it had to cover. Not a good day at all

 

[Black Rod]

An honourable mention for the Vetch as well while we are at it. Not only were you literally shitting onto the floor but they then went around, scooped it up and served it back to you in a pie at half time.

Only time in my life I've ever cast envious glances at the prison across the road as it's toilet facilities would have been like Buckingham Palace in comparison

 

[Raleigh Chopper]

As far as I remember there were no khazis on the east terrace at the Goldstone. Only the stand up trough that smelt like a bag of prawns left out in the hot sun.

 

[Leighgull]

I am missing that programme from my collection, do you want to sell it??

Funnily enough the interview with Robbie Moran is missing as is the advert for "bromborogh paints" whatever that is. Otherwise, it's yours mate.

 

[Withdean and I]

Again, like the numerous other PLOP threads, this is NSC Gold!!! My kids keep looking at me crying with laughter reading this!!!