Mo Gosfield
Well-known member
- Aug 11, 2010
- 6,316
Best experience: the shit i have at work between 8am-9am. And the shit when i get home at 5.30pm.
Worst experience: whilst driving, frantically trying to find a service station. Jesus i thought i was literally going to shit my pants IN MY OWN CAR! since then i always try and squeeze out a fudge dragon before any long journey.
funny true story - a guy at work i know had released a bomb just before leaving the office at work - he's a commuter - he thought to himself, 'lovely jubbly, all clear for a nice journey home'... about 20 minutes later he was standing on the platform at the tube station. he suddenly felt THAT feeling... 'oh god' he thought, 'i need another shit'... 'f***, I NEED ANOTHER SHIT RIGHT NOW!'... now everyone knows there are no toilet facilities on a tube plaform. Let me set the picture better... He was standing on a tube station platform with hundreds of other people, drastically needing to drop the kids off with no available toilet. He knew he couldnt get back to the office in time, nor get to the train station toilet in time. There were 2 options... shit his pants and let the shit run down his trouser legs? or drop his trousers and take a massive dump on the tube platform infront of other people and then not wipe his arse and pull his pants back up and carry on with his journey home...?
... he chose option 2!!
a disgusting story yes but a f***ing funny one! i have NEVER to this day been able to tell that story without laughing out loud
I can tell a very similar story.
Many years ago, I attended a famous beer festival abroad. Needless to say, I got absolutely hammered and ended up in the nearby city centre. I awoke, in a shop doorway, to the sound of street cleaners going by. Absolutely desperate for a shit, I dashed into the street looking for a public loo. No sign of one anywhere. I panicked, as the first brown sausage was starting to say hello to the world.
Just then, I heard the clanking of gates and turning round, saw the underground being unlocked. I swept past the surprised gentleman and down the steps. There were two loos on the concourse, both locked. Time had run out. My sphincter muscles had given up the uneven struggle. I had about ten seconds. I looked around. All seemed quiet.
I crept under the stairway and deposited a massive steaming pile. Relief, oh what relief.
When I looked around, one of the ticket windows had just opened ( directly looking out at the area under the stairway ) and a railway official was staring at me with a look of utter abhorrence on his face. I was out of there like Mr. Bolt out of the blocks and kept running until I was a considerable distance away.
Ashamed, yes...but as with the previous story, I only had two options.
