Tomasz Kuszczak Limerick Competition

[Guy Crouchback]

The competition is open to all members of NSC. The winner will
be decided by voting.

You can submit more than one limerick (a poem of five lines, with lines
1, 2 and 5 rhyming, and lines 3 and 4 rhyming) until July 8th.

Subject matter must have something to do with Tomasz Kuszczak.

Voting will begin on July 9th and end on July 10th.

The winner will receive a brand new We Learn Polish course.

Here's my sorry attempt (outside the competition, of course):

There was once a keeper, a Pole
who was very good in his role.
Though hated by Eagles
when he played for Seagulls
they rarely conceded a goal.

Good luck!

 

[smeariestbat]

there once was a goalie called kuszczak
who knew all the 'gulls had his back
he played in goal
but there was a hole
that someone had left in his butt crack

 

[Reinelt12]

We signed a great keeper from Manc
Whose wages we thought broke the bank
More players we'll sign
Our squad will do just fine
So Vicente - "We don't give a w***"

 

[banjo]

Weve just signed a keeper called Tom
who could of cost us a bomb
he came on a free
from United not City
Now were gonna win the league boom boom !

 

[Doc Lynam]

There once was a keeper named Goochnak
Who carried a bag full of Jazz mags
The boss brought him in
And said what this then?
And know Tom has to make do with a slow w***.


Prize

 

[I am the Walrus]

There was a goalie called Kuszczak
Whom Man U though his keeping was kack
He's spoken to Gus
And jumped on the bus
Now he's number 1 at the back

 

[Thunder Bolt]

We've now got a keeper called Kuczszak
Who marshalled the defence at the back
He caught every cross
Acted just like the Boss
Made Pal*ce look like their sponsor - Cac(k)

 

[JamesAndTheGiantHead]

There was a goalkeeper called Kuszczak.
Pronouncing his name we weren't good at.
We just called him Tom,
Then things all went wrong,
When we posted a thread full of terrible, terrible spellings and he left the club.

Last line needs work, any help?

 

[GingerBeerMan]

The Albion have a 'keeper called Kuszcazak,
He plays in goal for the Albion,
Right at the back of defence,
Not in a house with Phil Spence,
I hope he's really good next season.

 

[JamesAndTheGiantHead]

The Albion have a 'keeper called Kuszcazak,
He plays in goal for the Albion,
Right at the back of defence,
Not in a house with Phil Spence,
I hope he's really good next season.

Lines 1,2 and 5 need to rhyme with each other, as do 3 and 4, for it to be 'technically' a limerick.

 

[Muhammed - I’m hard - Bruce Lee]

there once was a keeper called Kuszczak,
who got stung on the neck by a wasp.
when asked 'did it hurt?'
he said 'no, not much'.
'it can do it again if it likes'

 

[Hiney]

There was a young keeper called Kuszczak
Who has an exceedlingly large ballsack
It stayed off the ground
As he swung it around
Untill one day day it shot up his arsecrack

I'm here all week

 

[Mo Gosfield]

At United he was left off the bus
So a phone call came winging from Gus
Not a PIG or a Poke
Or a Brez that will choke
But a Pole in the Goal just for us.

 

[Poyetry In Motion]

At United he was left off the bus
So a phone call came winging from Gus
Not a PIG or a Poke
Or a Brez that will choke
But a Pole in the Goal just for us.

I like that -clever and also true. Miles better than the dross I was about to post

 

[withdeanwombat]

We went out and got us a Pole-

Not a Czech or a Dane- for OUR goal.

But our mighty back four

Will let nobody score

And so ev-ery game is a stroll.


OR :

At limericks watch us all dabble
And join in the goalkeeping babble
We can't spell his name
To pronounce it's the same
And we don't want his letters in Scrabble.

 

[Badger]

Warren Aspinall might call him Cue-Jack
And think that he plays in attack
He might just call him Tom
Perhaps even Dom
But he certainly won't call him Kuszczak

 

[Easy 10]

There once was a keeper called Kuszczak
A hulking great slab of pure Polack
With two zeds and a C
In his surname to see
Lots of typos come back from those too slack

 

[Acker79]

I'm the new keeper named kuszczak
my poetry skills I so lack
my limericks are poor
they stop at line four

 

[LukeOwen]

Warren Aspinall might call him Cue-Jack
And think that he plays in attack
He might just call him Tom
Perhaps even Dom
But he certainly won't call him Kuszczak

 

[Gazwag]

We now have a keeper called Kuszczak
We once had one with no ball sack
His name was Digweed
Spread the Goldstone with his seed
But that was back when we played right cack