Todays little joke

[Uncle C]

Stephen Hawking went on his first date in 10 years, and when he got back , his glasses were smashed, he had a broken wrist, a twisted ankle and grazed knees.

Apparently she'd stood him up

 

[Barrel of Fun]

How did he get back?

 

[Coleby1007]

It was Stevie Wonders birthday the other day so i bought him a cheese grater........................... He said its the best book he's ever read

 

[Uncle C]

Kate Middleton asked the Queen for advice on marriage and a long relationship... she replied "Wear a seatbelt and don't piss me off!"

 

[Common as Mook]

It was Stevie Wonders birthday the other day so i bought him a cheese grater........................... He said its the best book he's ever read

Most violent book he ever read......

 

[Uncle C]

A man approaches a young woman in a shop. He says I can't find my wife, can I talk to you for a few minutes? The woman says sure, but do you have any idea where your wife is?
Not a clue he says but whenever I talk to a woman with tits like yours she appears out of nowhere!

 

[gull-able]

Knock knock
Who's there
Brighton fan

Smash, crunch,bang, whoosh
Who's there
Palace fan

 

[Uncle C]

My sexy Chinese neighbour told me she was desperate for a roger.

It was only when I had my trousers round my ankles, that I realised she wanted to rent her spare room out!!

 

[gull-able]

Knock knock
Who's there
Brighton fan

Smash, crunch,bang, whoosh
Who's there
Palace fan

 

[Uncle C]

My son was sent home from school for swearing today.
I said what did you say?
He said the c word.
I said it wasn't clever, was it?
He said no, it was c*nt

 

[mrhairy]

I don't think the first joke is fair about Stephen Hawkins. I mean nobody is more PC than him.

 

[Uncle C]

The missus asked if she pleased me in bed? I said "yes, I love that trick you do with your mouth." . . . "What trick?" she asked?
"The one where you shut it up and go to sleep!"

 

[Matrix10]

Steve Jobs, he's never done anything for me!


Sent from my iPhone

 

[Matrix10]

Is it true that Steve Jobs has two children, and he has called them Hand and Blow?

 

[RickofBHAFC]

Word of warning - don't join Tesco's online dating service . . . I did and now I have ended up with a bag for life.

 

[Uncle C]

Sky news report. The Irish have joined in the attack on Libya. They sent in 3 ships - 2 full of sand and one full of cement..it was a mortar attack.

 

[Matrix10]

BBC News: Gaddafi worth £1 million

Palace Website: New £1 million signing from North Africa

 

[Giraffe]

The missus asked if she pleased me in bed? I said "yes, I love that trick you do with your mouth." . . . "What trick?" she asked?
"The one where you shut it up and go to sleep!"

Brilliant!! As much positive rep as is possible to give a person!

 

[Uncle C]

Brilliant!! As much positive rep as is possible to give a person!

Thanks mate, but I dont do the rep thing.

 

[Uncle C]

Wife says to husband "You only ever want sex when you're drunk" husband says "thats not true....... sometimes i want a kebab"