Todays little joke

[Amahwrang]

My best mate died doing what he loves.........................Heroin

 

[Jesus Gul]

I don't think the first joke is fair about Stephen Hawkins. I mean nobody is more PC than him.

clever !!!

 

[Garage_Doors]

Came last night and found my mate in bed with my misses,
Gave him a dam good hiding and threw him out of the house.
Wife said to me, carry on like that and you'll have no friends left !

 

[Garage_Doors]

Wife said why do you talk behind my back and push me around all the time.

Told her its because your in a wheel chair you sill cow.

 

[BrickTamland]

The news of Steve Jobs leaving Apple has really shook the company to it's core.

 

[Garage_Doors]

Lying in bed the other night i looked into the wife's eyes and said seeing your face reminds me of the lottery.

What because I'm worth millions to you ? she said.

No I replied, I wish you'd f***ing roll over !

 

[Garage_Doors]

What the difference between the Red Arrows and Windows Vista ?
When the red arrows crashes it don't interfere with my masturbating.

 

[The Ringleader Returns!]

Stephen Hawking went on his first date in 10 years, and when he got back , his glasses were smashed, he had a broken wrist, a twisted ankle and grazed knees.

Apparently she'd stood him up

 

[Garage_Doors]

There was a massive explosion at a French cheese making factory today, all that's left is a big pile of de brie.

 

[Uncle C]

Bloke walks into a pub and asks for a pint of anything except Stella. Barman asks, "What's wrong with Stella?" Bloke says, "I had 12 pints of Stella last night and when I came round I was f**king skint."
Barman says, "12 pints of anything costs about the same."
Bloke replies, "Skint's my dog."

 

[sydney]

The missus asked if she pleased me in bed? I said "yes, I love that trick you do with your mouth." . . . "What trick?" she asked?
"The one where you shut it up and go to sleep!"

ha ha on one tee hee ...!!!

 

[Uncle C]

I was devastated to find out my wife was having an affair, but by turning to religion I was soon able to come to terms with the whole thing. I converted to Islam, and we're stoning the slag in the morning !