Things you should NEVER EVER do!

[Lord Bamber]

Come on to NSC and ask whether anyone knows when the fixtures will be out.

 

[mejonaNO12 aka riskit]

Make an internal office call at dead on 11am on November 11th.

(it wasn't me)

 

[red star portslade]

Shit on your own doorstep.

Why would you even contemplate it.

 

[Papa Lazarou]

Throw stones in a glass house.

 

[Titanic]

Smile at a crocodile.

 

[knocky1]

Stand up in the North Stand.

 

[Titanic]

Surrender.

 

[Prettyboyshaw]

Go to a kids fancy dress party dressed as Jimmy Saviile

 

[Moshe Gariani]

Run on a misfield..!

 

[SouthCoastOwl]

You should never get involved in a land war in Asia or go up against a Sicilian when death is on the line

You only think I guessed wrong! That's what's so funny! I switched glasses when your back was turned!

 

[dougdeep]

Run on a misfield..!

Or run on a minefield.

 

[Worthingite]

Tell your boss while drunk at a party thrown at his house that his daughter is a "sexy bitch". Especially when it transpires his daughter was only 16...... (I was only 21 at the time!!!)

 

[Taybha]

Ask a policeman

 

[KZNSeagull]

Visit the Martha Gunn pub.

 

[banjo]

Never look in the wardrobe if your invited back from the pub to shag an older woman.

 

[Gullflyinghigh]

Invade Russia in winter

 

[Moshe Gariani]

Mention the war.

 

[Paddy B]

1) substitute tomato ketchup for tomato purée in a bolognaise if you've run out of purée

This is perfectly acceptable.

 

[Kumquat]

Whisper somebody elses name in your missus ear during sex.

I did something similar with my girlfriend once. She gave me three wishes. My first was to have sex. She laughed at that. My second was that she dressed up as a nurse. She laughed at that. My third, "Can i call you Nurse Ratchett?" didn't go down so well. But then she's never seen One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest.

 

[Kumquat]

Never look in the wardrobe if your invited back from the pub to shag an older woman.