There was an old lady from Ealing............how did the rest of it go?

[Mackenzie]

There was a young Scot from Dounreay,
Who rogered his father one day,
He said, "I'd much rather, bugger my father,
He's clean and there's nothing to pay"

 

[Barrow Boy]

Another old classic

The gay young Duke of Buckingham
stood on the bridge at Uppingham
watching the stunts of the c_nts in the punts
and the pricks of the dicks that were f_cking em

 

[16bha]

There was a top coach named Gus
Whose team won each game without fuss
They passed like Brazil
And scored just to thrill
Then off to Amex on the Bus! (with Gus)

 

[Muhammad - I’m hard - Bruce Lee]

there was a young man from dundee
who got stung on the neck by a wasp
when asked 'did it hurt?'
he replied 'no, not much'
'it can do it again if it likes'

 

[Lyndhurst 14]

There once was a barmaid from Vail
On whose breasts were the prices of ale
And on her behind,
For the sake of the blind
Was the same information in Brail

 

[shingle]

There was a young lady from Uttoxeter
and all the young men waved their cocks at her
from one of these cocks
she contracted the pox
and poxed all the cocks in Uttoxeter

 

[Shropshire Seagull]

There was an old man from Devizes
With bollocks of two different sizes
The left was so small
It was barely a ball
While the other won numerous prizes

I've not heard it lke that - the one I know is:

There was a young bird from Devizes
With tits of two different sizes
One was so small
It was no use at all
While the other was huge and won prizes

 

[Shropshire Seagull]

There was a young lady from westphalia
Who painted her arse like a dahlia
Two pounds for a smell
went down very well
but three pounds for a lick was a failure

replace westphalia for Austrailia

 

[Shropshire Seagull]

There once were two school kids from Aberwystwith
Who made love with the lips that they kissed with
But as they grew older
They also grew bolder
Making love with the things that they piss with

 

[Shropshire Seagull]

there was a young man from dundee
who got stung on the neck by a wasp
when asked 'did it hurt?'
he replied 'no, not much'
'it can do it again if it likes'

Ahem, this might fail the limerick test .....

 

[Shropshire Seagull]

There was a young lady from Nod
Who thought her child came from God
But it wasn't the Almighty
Who lifted her nightie
It was Roger, the lodger, the sod!

 

[Perkino]

There was a young man from China
Who wasn't a very good rock climber
He slipped on a rock
And snapped off his cock
And now he has got a Vagina

 

[Tight shorts]

There was a young fellow named perkin
Who was always jerkin his gherkin
His father said perkin
Stop jerkin your gherkin
Your gherkins fer ferkin not jerkin

 

[Perkino]

There was a young man from Crocket
Who decided to build a big rocket
The rocket went bang
His bum went twang
And his dick ended up in his pocket

 

[Perkino]

There was a young man from Brazil
Who swallowed a dynamite pill
The pill went bang
His bum cheeks went clang
And his penis shot over the hill

 

[Lord Bracknell]

There was a young lady of Bude
Who went for a swim in a lake
A man in a punt
Stuck his oar in her ear
And said "You can't swim here, it's private"

 

[Lord Bracknell]

A policeman from Andover Junction
Had an organ that just didn't function
For his whole married life
He deceived his poor wife
With his Wiltshire Constabulary truncheon

 

[Easy 10]

I'm tired and squiffy, but that last one just CRACKED me up.

 

[Easy 10]

there was a mathematican from Bengal,
who had a hexagonal ball,
the molecular weight
of his penis, times eight
was twice the square root of f*** all.

This is also a WINNER

 

[sjamesb3466]

There was a young sailor from Brighton,
Who said to a girl 'You're a tight one',
She said 'Pon my soul, you're in the wrong hole,
But there's plenty of room in the right one'!