Joke Du Jour

[DanielT]

Riding home after the match, I saw a fellow rider and his wife, Ruth at the lights.

Lights went green, off he rides

His wife wasn't holding on properly and goes flying off the back. He didn't stop, just rode on without her

Ruthless

 

[Washie]

Riding home after the match, I saw a fellow rider and his wife, Ruth at the lights.

Lights went green, off he rides

His wife wasn't holding on properly and goes flying off the back. He didn't stop, just rode on without her

Ruthless

I must say, that was a PUNderful joke

 

[Crackpot]

I was sat in a restaurant and got hit on the back of the head by a prawn cocktail. I looked round and this bloke shouts, 'That's just for starters!'

 

[Crackpot]

I was on the internet the other day, my wife walked in and asked what I was doing,

"Im looking for some cheap flights for Xmas"" I said

With that she dropped to her knees, whipped my cock out and gave me the most amazing blow job ever.

I thought to myself ,I never knew women could get so excited over a set of darts...

 

[Crackpot]

Apache boy asks his father. "How do Apache children get their names? Dad says "Son immediately after an Apache is born the father looks out the teepee and names the kid after the first thing he sees. Tell me Two Dogs f***ing why do you ask?"

************


I said to the wife: "Honey,I have a problem". "Darling" she replied "If you have a problem, then we have a problem. We're a married couple and we are in this together so we'll act as a unit, ok? Dont ever forget that.".
"Well then," I replied, We've got your sister pregnant."

 

[Crackpot]

Two old women meet for a coffee, one lady says to the other "Did you come on the bus?" The other replies "Yes, but i made it look like an asthma attack"

 

[Crackpot]

I've just been given two weeks to live.


The wife's gone away for a fortnight.

 

[Shropshire Seagull]

Apache boy asks his father. "How do Apache children get their names? Dad says "Son immediately after an Apache is born the father looks out the teepee and names the kid after the first thing he sees. Tell me Two Dogs f***ing why do you ask?"

One I heard was similar, but linked to conception:
Apache Youngster; "Dad, why is my sister called Wild Flower?"
Dad: "Well son, when she was conceived, your mother and I were in a field full of wild flowers"
Apache youngster: "So why then is my big brother called Running Water?"
Dad: "Well son, when he was conceived, your mother and I were lying next to the stream away yonder. Why do you ask these questions of me Broken Rubber?"

 

[Shropshire Seagull]

Les Dawson tribute:

Got my girlfriend a pug dog as a present the other day. Despite the squashed nose, bulging eyes and rolls of fat, the dog seems to like her .....

 

[Lindfield by the Pond]

Les Dawson tribute:

Got my girlfriend a pug dog as a present the other day. Despite the squashed nose, bulging eyes and rolls of fat, the dog seems to like her .....

Brilliant. Can't stop the chuckle .........

 

[u'vebeenamexed]

Riding home after the match, I saw a fellow rider and his wife, Ruth at the lights.

Lights went green, off he rides

His wife wasn't holding on properly and goes flying off the back. He didn't stop, just rode on without her

Ruthless

I thought this one was going to be the Ronnie Barker joke about the man giving his wife a lift home on his motorbike.

At the lights he roars off and his wife flies off the back. The man continues unaware of this and a passing police car spots what's happened and chases after the man on his bike.

After about 2 miles the police car overtakes the man and the copper inside flags him down. The police officer hops out of the car and runs up to the guy on the bike and says "Didn't you see your wife fall off back at the traffic lights" the man says "she's fallen off ? Thank God for that I thought I'd gone deaf !"

Boom Boom.