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Joke about Britain
- Thread starter The Wookiee
- Start date
Where in your joke does it indicate that the foreman has not heard of the two great writers ?
He may well have studied all of Joyce`s works, even his controversial semi-autobiographical novel A Portrait of the Artist, but we will never know now because of your piss poor story telling.
Franks Wild Years
New member
Billy the Fish
Technocrat
An Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman are all to give speaches to the Deaf Society. All are keen to make an impression on their audience.
The Englishman goes first and to the surprise of his colleagues starts by rubbing first his chest and then his groin. When he finishes the Scotsman and Irishman ask him what he was doing.
Well" he explained" By rubbing my chest I indicated breasts and thus Ladies and by rubbing my groin I indicated balls and thus Gentlemen. So my speech started Ladies and Gentlemen".
On his way up to the podium the Scotsman thought to himself I'll go one better than that English bastard and started his speech by making an antler symbol with his fingers above his head before also rubbing his chest and his groin.
When he finished his colleagues asked what he was doing. "Well" he explained" By imitating antlers and then rubbing my chest and groin I was starting my speech by saying Dear Ladies and Gentlemen".
On his way up to the podium the Irishman thought to himself I'll go one further than those mainland bastards and started his speech by making an antler symbol above his head, rubbing his chest, and then his groin, and then masturbating furiously.
When he finished his colleagues asked him what he was doing. "Well" he explained," by imitating antlers, rubbing my chest and then my groin and then masturbating I was starting my speech by saying -
Deer Ladies and Gentlemen, it gives me great pleasure......."
The Englishman goes first and to the surprise of his colleagues starts by rubbing first his chest and then his groin. When he finishes the Scotsman and Irishman ask him what he was doing.
Well" he explained" By rubbing my chest I indicated breasts and thus Ladies and by rubbing my groin I indicated balls and thus Gentlemen. So my speech started Ladies and Gentlemen".
On his way up to the podium the Scotsman thought to himself I'll go one better than that English bastard and started his speech by making an antler symbol with his fingers above his head before also rubbing his chest and his groin.
When he finished his colleagues asked what he was doing. "Well" he explained" By imitating antlers and then rubbing my chest and groin I was starting my speech by saying Dear Ladies and Gentlemen".
On his way up to the podium the Irishman thought to himself I'll go one further than those mainland bastards and started his speech by making an antler symbol above his head, rubbing his chest, and then his groin, and then masturbating furiously.
When he finished his colleagues asked him what he was doing. "Well" he explained," by imitating antlers, rubbing my chest and then my groin and then masturbating I was starting my speech by saying -
Deer Ladies and Gentlemen, it gives me great pleasure......."
Moshe Gariani
Well-known member
- Mar 10, 2005
- 12,374
totally shit and unfunny - when was the last time you heard someone start a speech by saying "Dear Ladies and Gentlemen"....?
Silent Bob
( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
- Dec 6, 2004
- 22,172
Now that's funny.
Brighton till i die
You havin' a bubble?
not me guv'na
1. I would NEVER mention NSC at a game!
and
2. Dude get yourself up H block and sing!!!!
Buzzer
Languidly Clinical
- Oct 1, 2006
- 26,121
not me guv'na
1. I would NEVER mention NSC at a game!
and
2. Dude get yourself up H block and sing!!!!
Next time Im at the Albion WITHOUT my sons then yep, I'm there!
Actually - probably Tuesday for the replay. You up for me getting you a beer beforehand?
I`ve regretted many jokes and stories I have told in my life. Some subjects are best left alone but at the time they seemed ok to talk about. In no particular order....................................
The 50 funniest moments in child pornography.
Women over 60 I've raped with a meat cleaver.
My favourite 3 scenes in The Shining to masturbate to.
The 10 lamest excuses my girlfriend ever gave for not licking my arse.
The 4 best jobs my dad ever lost due to sodomy convictions.
Women with the worst smelling pussies, in order of ethnicity.
Fat girls I've stood up on New Year's Eve..
Freudian slips I've had around burn victims.
Neighborhoods I’ve been chased out of due to Sara`s Law.
Dreams I've shattered by driving drunk.
Women I've seen in snuff films that reminded me of Nicole Kidman.
Speech impediments I've tolerated during phone sex.
Embarrassing remarks that have been made regarding my genitals warts.
Good-natured anecdotes about the Columbine shootings.
People I've made up AIDS rumors about, in order of how badly it ruined their lives.
The 10 most erotic wrestling holds ever put on me by an older gentleman.
The 8 most disfigured people I ever beat up to impress a girl.
Celebrity faces I've painted on my scrotum.
Inappropriate times I've screamed, ''''''****'''''' at my grandmother.
Altzeimer patients I've conned out of their life savings by posing as a relative..
Rectal itch creams I've received on my birthday, in order of effectiveness.
25 autistics I think are faking it
Best selling poems I've written about clitoral circumcision.
The 3 foulest fluids ever dripped on me by a prostitute.
Dates I've had that wound up going to trial, in order of how badly they were asking for it.
Girls I’ve fingered in their sleep.
10 things I’ve done while babysitting that could me misconstrued.
Under aged girls I’ve had erection difficulties with.
Relatives I’ve gotten erections with while slow dancing.
The 50 funniest moments in child pornography.
Women over 60 I've raped with a meat cleaver.
My favourite 3 scenes in The Shining to masturbate to.
The 10 lamest excuses my girlfriend ever gave for not licking my arse.
The 4 best jobs my dad ever lost due to sodomy convictions.
Women with the worst smelling pussies, in order of ethnicity.
Fat girls I've stood up on New Year's Eve..
Freudian slips I've had around burn victims.
Neighborhoods I’ve been chased out of due to Sara`s Law.
Dreams I've shattered by driving drunk.
Women I've seen in snuff films that reminded me of Nicole Kidman.
Speech impediments I've tolerated during phone sex.
Embarrassing remarks that have been made regarding my genitals warts.
Good-natured anecdotes about the Columbine shootings.
People I've made up AIDS rumors about, in order of how badly it ruined their lives.
The 10 most erotic wrestling holds ever put on me by an older gentleman.
The 8 most disfigured people I ever beat up to impress a girl.
Celebrity faces I've painted on my scrotum.
Inappropriate times I've screamed, ''''''****'''''' at my grandmother.
Altzeimer patients I've conned out of their life savings by posing as a relative..
Rectal itch creams I've received on my birthday, in order of effectiveness.
25 autistics I think are faking it
Best selling poems I've written about clitoral circumcision.
The 3 foulest fluids ever dripped on me by a prostitute.
Dates I've had that wound up going to trial, in order of how badly they were asking for it.
Girls I’ve fingered in their sleep.
10 things I’ve done while babysitting that could me misconstrued.
Under aged girls I’ve had erection difficulties with.
Relatives I’ve gotten erections with while slow dancing.
I heard Omid Djalili, the Iranian born comedian, being interviewed on BBC radio 5 Live earlier today.
When asked about the differences in comedy between Britain and Iran, he said:
"In Britain, an Englishman, a Scotsman and a Welshman is the beginning to a joke. In Iran, its a hostage situation."
When asked about the differences in comedy between Britain and Iran, he said:
"In Britain, an Englishman, a Scotsman and a Welshman is the beginning to a joke. In Iran, its a hostage situation."
I heard Omid Djalili, the Iranian born comedian, being interviewed on BBC radio 5 Live earlier today.
When asked about the differences in comedy between Britain and Iran, he said:
"In Britain, an Englishman, a Scotsman and a Welshman is the beginning to a joke. In Iran, its a hostage situation."
Did he do his knock knock joke. One of the early presenters kept going on about it but I missed the end of the show.
Drumstick
NORTHSTANDER
if it were a scotland/welsh joke there wouldnt be half the anti towards it. Still a shit joke tho
Brighton till i die
You havin' a bubble?
You, sir, are f***ing pathetic.
What the hell is wrong about jokes about Poles or Pakistanis? If a Pole or a Pakistani told the same joke in their country against the Brits because there were too many of us there I would laugh like a drain.
Don't be so f**king sensitive. PC is crap!
Lokki 7
WSU
You almost had a reasonable point there, but then you showed your true colours...
goldstone said:
So you think the joke is funny because there are too many Paki's here?
Yes there are ... and that's the whole point of the joke isn't it?
Also too many Indians, Bangladeshis, West Indians, Eastern Europeans, and many others.
This is Britain. Home of the British. A few immigrants are fine. Currently we have far too many. We should send large numbers home.
cjd
Well-known member
I,m glad I,m old........it,s becoming such a dull old world, where only "intellectuals" are allowed to speak in this PC environment.
Every joke I,ve ever heard has been at someone,s expense. Most of them make me smile or laugh. I now know the meaning of "the good old days".
I,m so terribly sorry..............but I found the original joke funny. I will of course pay penance for this dreadful mistake, and go and beat myself.
Every joke I,ve ever heard has been at someone,s expense. Most of them make me smile or laugh. I now know the meaning of "the good old days".
I,m so terribly sorry..............but I found the original joke funny. I will of course pay penance for this dreadful mistake, and go and beat myself.
Lokki 7
WSU
What percentage of the population do you think are pure breed ancient Briton?
Should Spain and France send all the brits living over there back home?
Buzzer
Languidly Clinical
- Oct 1, 2006
- 26,121
Send the ugly munter chav English girls to Eastern Europe and all those foxy ladies from there can come here.
Anyone who moans about East Europeans emigrating to Britain can f*** off. They've raised the average foxiness of ladies in this country. FACT.
I didn't say "all". But actually I wouldn't have a problem with there being a limit on the number of Brits permitted to live in Spain ... or anywhere else for that matter. The country belongs to the Spanish and it's up to them to decide how many immigrants they want.