I hate the tube

[Meade's Ball]

That's right. I hate it. I'm sick of holding in farts, smelling other people's, having genitals pressed in my back, listening to a symphony of nose-blowing and sniffing, sweating on my newspaper and being punishably late for work.

If anyone has an alright men's mountain bike they want me to have or buy for a bargain, let me know. I'm unhappy.

 

[Scotty Mac]

 

[Simster]

That's right. I hate it. I'm sick of holding in farts, smelling other people's, having genitals pressed in my back, listening to a symphony of nose-blowing and sniffing, sweating on my newspaper and being punishably late for work.

If anyone has an alright men's mountain bike they want me to have or buy for a bargain, let me know. I'm unhappy.

Beautifully put. I have an alright mountain bike however you can't have it.

 

[CAFC Matt]

That's right. I hate it. I'm sick of holding in farts, smelling other people's, having genitals pressed in my back, listening to a symphony of nose-blowing and sniffing, sweating on my newspaper and being punishably late for work.

If anyone has an alright men's mountain bike they want me to have or buy for a bargain, let me know. I'm unhappy.

Bad day at the office

 

[aftershavedave]

Re: Re: I hate the tube

Beautifully put. I have an alright mountain bike however you can't have it.

impounded by the police for more speeding offences?

 

[eastlondonseagull]

Baaaad innit! And they have the cheek to charge the prices they do for an over-crowded, shite service. Yey, welcome to London!

 

[Juan Albion]

having genitals pressed in my back,

Are you really short?

 

[Hiney]

First off, stop holding in your farts.

This will give you more room and with the right dietary changes, could lead to you having a whole carriage to yourself on a regular basis.

Failing that, develop Turette's Syndrome - that should get rid of the genitals in the back problem

Does that help?

 

[Beach Hut]

Tube pi$$ed me off this morning as Victoria line was shut

 

[Eddie the Seagull]

That's right. I hate it. I'm sick of holding in farts, smelling other people's, having genitals pressed in my back, listening to a symphony of nose-blowing and sniffing, sweating on my newspaper and being punishably late for work.

If anyone has an alright men's mountain bike they want me to have or buy for a bargain, let me know. I'm unhappy.

So do I - that Terry Christian got right on my tits.

Don't recall him farting tho

 

[oapdodge]

Shit programme.

 

[moggy]

you think you've had it tough

i've spent the last 9 days on st.petersberg's bloody metro system.
at least i can understand what bloody station i'm coming to next.
you wanna give that one a try m8y

 

[Tom Hark Preston Park]

Nothing intrinsically wrong with the tube. Take it of a weekend, when you're travelling for pleasure rather than for rat-race purposes and it's actually full of happy smiling people who don't care one little bit whether the next tube is due in 1 minute or 3 minutes cos they're using it to go to a show, an art gallery or just a different bit of the city. Under such circumstances, it even don't actually matter that your Privatised Railways (Enemies Of The People) train is twenty minutes late and the doors don't open when it finally makes an appearance. On the other hand tho, for purposes of getting to work in the 21st Century, as a mass-transit system, both are unfit for purpose.

 

[Grizz]

To be honest the its a miracle the Underground actually performs aswell as it does considering the state some of it is in. Though its overcrowded and annoying it still gets you from A-B and shutdowns are very rarely over 30 mins and of those signal failures still allows trains to move through the affected area albeit much more slowly. When there is a shutdown in the centre of london there's usually another route you can take to get near your destination and whilst i understand the frustration of commuters, those who actually work on the system do their upmost to get ppl to their destinations. Its going to be like this for a fair few years yet, so if it stresses you out that much maybe the bike is the way to go

Grizz

 

[Easy 10]

I don't use the tube very often, but can remember once standing opposite a rather unattractive, stubby indian/pakistani woman wearing a vest, with her arm thrust above her head, clinging to one of those dangly black balls on a spring. She had a luxurious mane of twisted, matted, jet black armpit hair which was slick with sweat, and the salty aroma which wafted my way every time the doors opened turned my stomach and made my head spin.

For some reason during this quite unpleasant journey, my idle brain would periodically torture me with thoroughly unsanitary thoughts of running my tongue through her armpit hair and sucking greedily at the globules of sweat dangling precariously on her knotted strands. This would only serve to further antagonise the bile that was steadily rising in my throat. The sheer relief when she disembarked at Mile End was tangible throughout the entire carriage.

 

[alan partridge]

I used the metro in Madrid for over a year. Very cheap and incredible reliable.

However, going underground every day to be stuck in a tiny crowded train is depressing whether its a good service or not.

 

[Robot Chicken]

Is black snot normal when you travel on the tube? Every time I go I seem to suffer from this phenomenon.

One quick Google search later...

Children and asthmatics could be at risk from pollution levels on the Tube, according to the co-author of a report which London Underground has cited to prove air quality does not harm passengers' health.

Northern Line passengers are exposed to the worst level of dust on the Underground, which can be up to 15 times higher than at street level and is responsible for what academics call 'black-snot syndrome' an accumulation of dirt which, though unpleasant, is thought to be harmless.

Link: http://www.edgwaretimes.co.uk/news/...ground_dust_puts_some_at_risk_says_expert.php

 

[Robot Chicken]

Notice it is merely "thought" to be harmless. Notice it hasn't been "proved" to be harmless.

 

[Gwylan]

MB, a bike is the only way to go. I arrive at the office every morning feeling exhilarated; on the few occasions that I take the tube, I arrive feeling thoroughly miserable.

Get yourself along to Brick Lane on Sunday morning and grab yourself a cheap bike. You could pick one up for a £100.

But a decent new bike should only set you back £200 - £250. With the tube fares you save, you'll pay for it in about three months.

 

[Easy 10]

Good sound advice from Gwylan there.
There's just no arguing with logic like that.