Got something to say or just want fewer pesky ads? Join us... 😊

[Humour] Flatulent neighbours.









Eeyore

Colonel Hee-Haw of Queen's Park
NSC Patron
Apr 5, 2014
23,609
We lived next door to a couple that would have very, very loud sex. On bad night (probably not for them) it would go on for hours and hours and it would wake my daughter up constantly.

Not only was it really antisocial but it's didn't half make me feel inadequate. One time we thought we'd fight fire with fire. However we finished, made lunch and had got through 3/4 of forest gump by the time they were done.
I'll trump that, in the spirit of the thread.

I went outside my flat one balmy night for a smelly fag. In the house across the road the top window was open. The couple, in their desire for heated passion, had forgotten the possibility of a surround sound that encompassed much of Queen's Park.

My word, even some of the Vixens round here, who are not shy of releasing their emotions during nookie, wanted the noise turned down. Every time I walk past said neighbour he is oblivious to the reasons for the wry smile on my face.

That said, I went camping once with my ex in Somerset. Things became carnal in that solo top end tent. Our tent being the one that faced all the others. After proceedings were over it occurred to me that we had left the torch on for some silhouette cinema. I didn't give a shit really.
 


Mo Gosfield

Well-known member
Aug 11, 2010
6,285
We lived next door to a couple that would have very, very loud sex. On bad night (probably not for them) it would go on for hours and hours and it would wake my daughter up constantly.

Not only was it really antisocial but it's didn't half make me feel inadequate. One time we thought we'd fight fire with fire. However we finished, made lunch and had got through 3/4 of forest gump by the time they were done.
Living in a flat, with the wife-to-be, we used to come home from work and cook our tea. There was a young couple below us and the bloke used to arrive home about 30 mins after us. We used to have bets whether we could finish our tea before they were at it. Every day, as soon as he got home, they were at it. No holds barred and massive sound effects.
I suppose its every bloke's dream to come home from work and have your other half panting for it but I wonder if just every so often he fancied putting his feet up and watching tv.
 






jakarta

Well-known member
May 25, 2007
15,632
Sullington
Living in a flat, with the wife-to-be, we used to come home from work and cook our tea. There was a young couple below us and the bloke used to arrive home about 30 mins after us. We used to have bets whether we could finish our tea before they were at it. Every day, as soon as he got home, they were at it. No holds barred and massive sound effects.
I suppose its every bloke's dream to come home from work and have your other half panting for it but I wonder if just every so often he fancied putting his feet up and watching tv.
Watching TV? Neighbours, everybody needs Good Neighbours....
 


Gabbafella

Well-known member
Aug 22, 2012
4,714
We lived next door to a couple that would have very, very loud sex. On bad night (probably not for them) it would go on for hours and hours and it would wake my daughter up constantly.

Not only was it really antisocial but it's didn't half make me feel inadequate. One time we thought we'd fight fire with fire. However we finished, made lunch and had got through 3/4 of forest gump by the time they were done.
You could've just knocked on my door.
 


Gabbafella

Well-known member
Aug 22, 2012
4,714
I currently work with a guy who is a nightmare for making unnecessary noises all day. Belching, throat clearing, uses everything as a drum kit, makes a weird lip smacking noise like he's a fish, but the worst is the yawning! Every 10 minutes without fail he'll let out some primal roar just to let everyone know how tired he is. Just not necessary.
 




Shropshire Seagull

Well-known member
Nov 5, 2004
8,510
Telford
Clip on I'm a celebrity South Africa the other night made me chuckle.
Phil Tufnell lets out an audible fart in camp.

Moments later Fatima Whitbread says "Phil, I've got something for you."

Tuffers, "Oh yeah, what is it?"

Fats walks over to him and stands beside him and lets a noisy one out.

Made me chuckle.
What is it about males and toilet humour?
 


Albion and Premier League latest from Sky Sports


Top
Link Here