[Misc] Do people really change?

[Harry Wilson's tackle]

Once they've reached adulthood anyway..

They can learn to adapt.
Maybe.

I am unsure whether my difficulties have arisen because of my autism (recently identified) or because I'm an arse.

I can't say I'm all that better at navigating personal relationships.
Unless I keep them at arms length they always come apart eventually.
Maybe it takes longer now than it used to do.
But come apart they do.

 

[Harry Wilson's tackle]

Fundamentally we are a product of our childhood and formative years, mixed with our natural personalities.

Learned experiences can shape our behaviour patterns though, as can older age and slowing down generally - which also makes us less tolerant.

However, the conclusion is "Once a Twunt, always a Twunt" - so the answer is 'No'.

Have I passed basic psychology?

No.

 

[alanfp]

Gross simplification - we can change our BEHAVIOURS but not our FEELINGS.

e.g. the same things in other people still annoy me, but I don't point it out to them now (well, not very often).... unless there writing 'over their' in they're forum post

 

[Weststander]

Gross simplification - we can change our BEHAVIOURS but not our FEELINGS.

e.g. the same things in other people still annoy me, but I don't point it out to them now (well, not very often).... unless there writing 'over their' in they're forum post

CBT can permanently break an unwanted cycle of thoughts, feelings and behaviour.

 

[zefarelly]

And on a scale of 1-10?

Well We're all 10 on a good day . . . . Sometimes when we're battered we talk bollocks ( with a capital P) and upset people so may be a scale down from that.

 

[sussex_guy2k2]

Fundamentally we are a product of our childhood and formative years, mixed with our natural personalities.

Learned experiences can shape our behaviour patterns though, as can older age and slowing down generally - which also makes us less tolerant.

However, the conclusion is "Once a Twunt, always a Twunt" - so the answer is 'No'.

Have I passed basic psychology?

Everyone’s a twunt to someone. Just that some people are twunts to more people than others.

 

[Justice]

Everyone’s a twunt to someone. Just that some people are twunts to more people than others.

Speak for yourself I’m absolutely normally

 

[Weststander]

Everyone’s a twunt to someone.

Except for:
Mother Teresa
Dalai Lama
Pascal Gross

 

[Johnny RoastBeef]

Once they've reached adulthood anyway..

Yes, Mark Wahlberg as a teen went to jail for beating a man so badly he lost an eye in a ratially motivated attack. He turned his life around, got clean, and became one of Hollywood's biggest stars.

Robert Downey Jr in the 90s was arrested after police found him passed out in a stranger’s kid’s bed high out of his mind. A complete drug fiend and after multiple arrests, he couldn’t get insured for movies. He turned his life around, got clean, and became one of Hollywood's biggest stars.

Most heinous, Michael Portillo was a junior minister under Maggie Thatcher, he turned his life around and now rides trains in salmon coloured action slacks.

 

[Herr Tubthumper]

I enjoyed fish puns when I was a teenager.

I still enjoy them now.

Same. I don’t think the day when I’ve haddock ‘nough of fish puns will ever come.

 

[sussex_guy2k2]

Except for:
Mother Teresa
Dalai Lama
Pascal Gross

I’d beg to differ. No one likes a do-gooder

As for Gross… there’ll be someone. Somewhere. Maybe. They’ll dislike him for being too slow or something equally ridiculous.

 

[tedebear]

It depends on what you mean by change. For example, I have and always will be disorganised and prone to procrastination. I have tried all kinds of techniques to change this, and for a few days, weeks even, I can see an improvement. However, the fundamental, disorganized, messy, procrastinating person that I am will return. However, I do not think I would recognise the twit that was me 40 years ago, and if I did, he would really embarrass me. Experiences have certainly changed my perspective on things, meaning that behaviours and beliefs that I once thought perfectly reasonable are far from that now.

The thing that I admire most about this is that you recognise it and are trying....

I hate when people know they have less than admirable traits but take the "thats what I am like it or leave it" approach...

People trying to be better and improve themselves is hard but admirable...

 

[Harry Wilson's tackle]

Gross simplification - we can change our BEHAVIOURS but not our FEELINGS.

e.g. the same things in other people still annoy me, but I don't point it out to them now (well, not very often).... unless there writing 'over their' in they're forum post

I have assumed I can't moderate my feelings because of my autism.
This is because sometimes I have misunderstood the triggering narrative,
and failed to realize that there was nothing there to set me off after all ('over-reaction').
I have explained that on the basis of my inability to read between lines.
But maybe I'm just a more extreme form of how in fact everyone operates.
I certainly know that there are few things that annoy me more than being invited to not get so annoyed.

 

[tedebear]

I have assumed I can't moderate my feelings because of my autism.

This is a really interesting sentence to me...Over the last few years and with some interesting forays I've had to make into several areas of mental health, there is a real key with some disorders in discovering whether a) you actually mentally can not moderate or b) you brain can moderate but doesn't know how to and how to overcome this block...Its a really interesting area worth studying...

 

[Goldstone1976]

as of today the rate of change is greater than at anytime in our existent, going forward today will be slower than every future day.

have been involved in culture change programmes …… my conclusion most people don’t really want change

I’m trying to generate a culture change at work - from CBA to a first rate customer service ethos.

In this business, like the others where I’ve done the same thing, the following is true:

1. The younger folk are less cynical and more willing to change.
2. The people who have longest tenure are most resistant to change (although related to the first point, it’s not a direct correlation), and thus most likely to need to find another job.
3. There’s one chap whose behaviour was alarmingly bad 15 months’ ago but is now brilliant. He’s just been awarded an exceptional performance award (£15k), together with a promotion warranting a 30% salary increase.

Conclusion: those who are willing to change can do so if encouraged. Those who aren’t don’t.

 

[Goldstone1976]

Except for:
Mother Teresa
Dalai Lama
Pascal Gross

Done much research on Mother Teresa?

 

[nickjhs]

I have assumed I can't moderate my feelings because of my autism.
This is because sometimes I have misunderstood the triggering narrative,
and failed to realize that there was nothing there to set me off after all ('over-reaction').
I have explained that on the basis of my inability to read between lines.
But maybe I'm just a more extreme form of how in fact everyone operates.
I certainly know that there are few things that annoy me more than being invited to not get so annoyed.

I also have an ASD, while to some degree I do agree with your sentiment. I don't try to moderate my feelings, rather, I have tried bloody hard in the 20 years since my Dx to modify my behaviour. The biggest improvement has come from asking questions rather than assuming I understand the situation. It's not easy, especially when some people would rather speak between the lines rather than frankly. But yes, I am still prone to overreact.

 

[HeaviestTed]

People can change but only if they actually want to change - most people don’t and are too scared to even see there is a problem let alone fix it.

Therapy helps but you have to want to change.

 

[AlbionBro]

Yes people can change, my Palace friends are all arse holes now, since winning the FA Cup.
To be fair, friends was always a bit of a stretched as a description.

 

[Harry Wilson's tackle]

Except for:
Mother Teresa
Dalai Lama
Pascal Gross

Not so keen on Teresa if I'm honest....
Christ was more important than the suffering humans.

Mother Teresa - Wikipedia

en.wikipedia.org