[Albion] Club announcement due tomorrow at 5pm

[Deleted member 2719]

Well chaps, this was a thread to the throwback days of the threads full of wild speculation and controversial theories - mixed in with abit of fun ofcourse - which this place has been missing.

I hope we all had a good time along the way, and yes the club did make a couple of announcements with the nearest one to 5pm being 40minutes ago now.

I didn't do too badly I thought.

Now it's over, let's all look forward to the first game of the season against Chelsea.

Come on you Seagulls!


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Like I said, I am right behind you T&J.

 

[Paulie Gualtieri]

I’m sorry, I genuinely think this is worthy of a very, very lengthy ban. Perhaps ten years?

Is that linked to us signing a “proven” premier league striker?


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[Sheebo]

NSC EXCLUSIVE

The truth about Messrs Bladders & Sheebo:

Over the last half decade or so, I have noticed that when it comes to inside information on our latest transfers, two NSC posters are always in the know. After almost every major signing has been confirmed at the club over the past few years, one or both of these two scoundrels have openly revealed all sorts of classified information about the incoming player and contract, it’s uncanny.

How on earth are they privy to such closely guarded confidential information?

Well, I decided to find out!

Inspired by the lastest trend of NSC users becoming Private Investigators, I quickly decided that this project was for me, I ticked all the right boxes!

Board stiff - tick.
Attention Seeker - tick.
No self awareness - tick.
Not the sharpest tool in the box - tick.
Nosey and interfering - tick.

My next course of action was to work out when they started getting their insights then try to discover what their devious methods were.

They first started spouting off about their insights in the Summer of 2013. They were all over the signings of the likes of Agustein, Lita, Chicksen and Conway. How did they get this info and what had changed to allow the cunning duo access to such top level secrecy?

I decided this had to be an inside job and that the club must have recruited a ‘leak’ prior to the Summer signings. Through one of my sources, I scoured the clubs recruitment that Summer but drew a blank.

Then it hit me whilst I was sitting on the pan, cranking a steamer. Had the club changed any of it’s contractors? The caterers...no, the photographer.....no, the toilet cleaners......bingo! I always get the most sublime inspiration with half a slimy otter hanging out of me!

Another one of my sources quickly provided me with the information. The contract toilet cleaners had resigned their contract after poogate after they refused to fish out the metre long, coach driver born invader. The club had then hired a new company by the name of ‘Licked Clean Janitors’, a quick check on company’s house revealed the co-owners of the business to be a certain Maurice Sheebo and a certain Bernard Bladder. I had them!

I now had to piece together exactly how they were sourcing the info whilst they were supposedly meant to be pan scrubbing. The pair had unwittingly come across a genius scheme when Maurice was sanding down a particularly persistent skid in the cubicles next to the senior management offices. A chap checked into the cubicle next door to Maurice and with pants around his ankles and a turd half conceived, he thrashed out and finalised the details of the Stephen Ward transfer, naming the player, agreeing the fee and fixing a date for the announcement. Maurice noted it down and it wasn’t long before the ins and outs of the deal was being paraded all over NSC and beyond. Maurice was now popular, very popular.

He’d quickly told his partner Bernard about the incident and being the scoundrels we know they are, they launched a plan. They started tracking senior members of the club’s staff and following them into the cubicles to record details during their daily turn-outs. They poked their heads over the top of the cubicles, they shoved their mobile phones under the bottom of the cubicle, they did anything they could to record details of what was going on. The size, the length, the type, the position..... they jotted down the details and then spilt their beans all over NSC to the adulation of all their readers and followers.

The club knew that there was a spy in their ranks and despite sacking most of the ground staff each season, they have never got to the bottom of it.....until now.

Like any successful partnership, for example, Haig & Haig, Cannon & Ball or Cash & Carry, there was a fall out and a split. The club were after someone to man the toilet in Tony’s private plane for the Jahanbakhsh collection, Maurice got the gig and spent the flight tweeting his position and sending out pictures of the cockpit. Bernard got jealous and that was that. They divided the company up into Sheebo’s Shits & Giggles Ltd and Bladder’s Bog Busters Inc. with the latter getting the Amex contract and the former getting the gig at Lancing.

And so it went on. Scoop after scoop and pathetic bickering on this site about who had the best ‘source’.

As furlough kicked in this year however, both have been limited to scrubbing their own cesspits at home....no more ITK news for the pair this summer. The club have asked it’s development squad (and their competitive Dads) to take over the toilet cleaning duties. There is one particular parent who is very browned off about this which is obvious to anyone who reads his posts on twitter.

Mystery solved.

Now it’s an ACCUTE account but not fully ACCUTERET as it is correct Bradders gets SOMANY of these SCOOPS wrong.... But I’m still 1/1 - if you AINT hearing from me it’s because NOtHING has happened sorry I meant is happening as all my SCOOPS are ELUSIVE as we all know.

 

[Originunknown]

Epic flounce, OP should close his account in shame.

The shame.

 

[dazzer6666]

Well chaps, this was a thread to the throwback days of the threads full of wild speculation and controversial theories - mixed in with abit of fun ofcourse - which this place has been missing.

I hope we all had a good time along the way, and yes the club did make a couple of announcements with the nearest one to 5pm being 40minutes ago now.

I didn't do too badly I thought.

Now it's over, let's all look forward to the first game of the season against Chelsea.

Come on you Seagulls!






Sent from my Pixel 3a using Tapatalk

Ah, the old ‘It was just a wind up/joke/bit of banter’ defence...........PATHETIC bit of backtracking to avoid a public stoning......won’t work, the pitchforks have been sharpened already [emoji23][emoji23]

 

[Harry Wilson's tackle]

We, I didn't expect that was going to be an epic load of old bollocks.

Said nobody.

 

[Grombleton]

If its true: Adulation for the OP
If it's BS: Ban

Think that's fair.

What he said.

 

[daveinplzen]

Well chaps, this was a thread to the throwback days of the threads full of wild speculation and controversial theories - mixed in with abit of fun ofcourse - which this place has been missing.

I hope we all had a good time along the way, and yes the club did make a couple of announcements with the nearest one to 5pm being 40minutes ago now.

I didn't do too badly I thought.

Now it's over, let's all look forward to the first game of the season against Chelsea.

Come on you Seagulls!






Sent from my Pixel 3a using Tapatalk

Thats ok
Where are you now BTW?

 

[clapham_gull]

Well chaps, this was a thread to the throwback days of the threads full of wild speculation and controversial theories - mixed in with abit of fun ofcourse - which this place has been missing.

I hope we all had a good time along the way, and yes the club did make a couple of announcements with the nearest one to 5pm being 40minutes ago now.

I didn't do too badly I thought.

Now it's over, let's all look forward to the first game of the season against Chelsea.

Come on you Seagulls!

Ernest says job well done. Keep head down and wait further instructions.

 

[Bladders]

Now it’s an ACCUTE account but not fully ACCUTERET as it is correct Bradders gets SOMANY of these SCOOPS wrong.... But I’m still 1/1 - if you AINT hearing from me it’s because NOtHING has happened sorry I meant is happening as all my SCOOPS are ELUSIVE as we all know.

Still BIGGIN yourself up

You forget your humble beginnings , needing me to help you with that tough SKID SPONISH Dave left in the men’s

You were practically in TEERS !


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[S'hampton Seagull]

Ah, the old ‘It was just a wind up/joke/bit of banter’ defence...........PATHETIC bit of backtracking to avoid a public stoning......won’t work, the pitchforks have been sharpened already [emoji23][emoji23]

It's ok, I've put a hit out on him. Sorted.

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[TomandJerry]

Ernest says job well done. Keep head down and wait further instructions.

Thumbs up for Ernie [emoji106]

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[osgood]

Keeel Heem !