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[Albion] Club announcement due tomorrow at 5pm

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GT49er

Members
Feb 1, 2009
41,790
Gloucester
NSC EXCLUSIVE

The truth about Messrs Bladders & Sheebo:

Over the last half decade or so, I have noticed that when it comes to inside information on our latest transfers, two NSC posters are always in the know. After almost every major signing has been confirmed at the club over the past few years, one or both of these two scoundrels have openly revealed all sorts of classified information about the incoming player and contract, it’s uncanny.

How on earth are they privy to such closely guarded confidential information?

Well, I decided to find out!

Inspired by the lastest trend of NSC users becoming Private Investigators, I quickly decided that this project was for me, I ticked all the right boxes!

Board stiff - tick.
Attention Seeker - tick.
No self awareness - tick.
Not the sharpest tool in the box - tick.
Nosey and interfering - tick.................
Boards are meant to be stiff.................



"Not the sharpest tool in the box" - no comment.
:lolol:
 

TomandJerry

Members
Oct 1, 2013
9,976
Well chaps, this was a thread to the throwback days of the threads full of wild speculation and controversial theories - mixed in with abit of fun ofcourse - which this place has been missing.

I hope we all had a good time along the way, and yes the club did make a couple of announcements with the nearest one to 5pm being 40minutes ago now.

I didn't do too badly I thought.

Now it's over, let's all look forward to the first game of the season against Chelsea.

Come on you Seagulls!






Sent from my Pixel 3a using Tapatalk
 


D

Deleted member 2719

Guest
NSC EXCLUSIVE

The truth about Messrs Bladders & Sheebo:

Over the last half decade or so, I have noticed that when it comes to inside information on our latest transfers, two NSC posters are always in the know. After almost every major signing has been confirmed at the club over the past few years, one or both of these two scoundrels have openly revealed all sorts of classified information about the incoming player and contract, it’s uncanny.

How on earth are they privy to such closely guarded confidential information?

Well, I decided to find out!

Inspired by the lastest trend of NSC users becoming Private Investigators, I quickly decided that this project was for me, I ticked all the right boxes!

Board stiff - tick.
Attention Seeker - tick.
No self awareness - tick.
Not the sharpest tool in the box - tick.
Nosey and interfering - tick.

My next course of action was to work out when they started getting their insights then try to discover what their devious methods were.

They first started spouting off about their insights in the Summer of 2013. They were all over the signings of the likes of Agustein, Lita, Chicksen and Conway. How did they get this info and what had changed to allow the cunning duo access to such top level secrecy?

I decided this had to be an inside job and that the club must have recruited a ‘leak’ prior to the Summer signings. Through one of my sources, I scoured the clubs recruitment that Summer but drew a blank.

Then it hit me whilst I was sitting on the pan, cranking a steamer. Had the club changed any of it’s contractors? The caterers...no, the photographer.....no, the toilet cleaners......bingo! I always get the most sublime inspiration with half a slimy otter hanging out of me!

Another one of my sources quickly provided me with the information. The contract toilet cleaners had resigned their contract after poogate after they refused to fish out the metre long, coach driver born invader. The club had then hired a new company by the name of ‘Licked Clean Janitors’, a quick check on company’s house revealed the co-owners of the business to be a certain Maurice Sheebo and a certain Bernard Bladder. I had them!

I now had to piece together exactly how they were sourcing the info whilst they were supposedly meant to be pan scrubbing. The pair had unwittingly come across a genius scheme when Maurice was sanding down a particularly persistent skid in the cubicles next to the senior management offices. A chap checked into the cubicle next door to Maurice and with pants around his ankles and a turd half conceived, he thrashed out and finalised the details of the Stephen Ward transfer, naming the player, agreeing the fee and fixing a date for the announcement. Maurice noted it down and it wasn’t long before the ins and outs of the deal was being paraded all over NSC and beyond. Maurice was now popular, very popular.

He’d quickly told his partner Bernard about the incident and being the scoundrels we know they are, they launched a plan. They started tracking senior members of the club’s staff and following them into the cubicles to record details during their daily turn-outs. They poked their heads over the top of the cubicles, they shoved their mobile phones under the bottom of the cubicle, they did anything they could to record details of what was going on. The size, the length, the type, the position..... they jotted down the details and then spilt their beans all over NSC to the adulation of all their readers and followers.

The club knew that there was a spy in their ranks and despite sacking most of the ground staff each season, they have never got to the bottom of it.....until now.

Like any successful partnership, for example, Haig & Haig, Cannon & Ball or Cash & Carry, there was a fall out and a split. The club were after someone to man the toilet in Tony’s private plane for the Jahanbakhsh collection, Maurice got the gig and spent the flight tweeting his position and sending out pictures of the cockpit. Bernard got jealous and that was that. They divided the company up into Sheebo’s Shits & Giggles Ltd and Bladder’s Bog Busters Inc. with the latter getting the Amex contract and the former getting the gig at Lancing.

And so it went on. Scoop after scoop and pathetic bickering on this site about who had the best ‘source’.

As furlough kicked in this year however, both have been limited to scrubbing their own cesspits at home....no more ITK news for the pair this summer. The club have asked it’s development squad (and their competitive Dads) to take over the toilet cleaning duties. There is one particular parent who is very browned off about this which is obvious to anyone who reads his posts on twitter.

Mystery solved.


I have not read all that, as I have got a press conference to listen too.

But in short, why didn't you just get in your Lada and follow the two scoundrels.:wrong:
 
Apr 5, 2019
2,592
Troopz is off could be it. Surely with his Class B history the Trump administration would never green light his work visa, plus he’s a bona fide black man...ya get me?

 
Aug 4, 2006
18,987
Worthing
NSC EXCLUSIVE

The truth about Messrs Bladders & Sheebo:

Over the last half decade or so, I have noticed that when it comes to inside information on our latest transfers, two NSC posters are always in the know. After almost every major signing has been confirmed at the club over the past few years, one or both of these two scoundrels have openly revealed all sorts of classified information about the incoming player and contract, it’s uncanny.

How on earth are they privy to such closely guarded confidential information?

Well, I decided to find out!

Inspired by the lastest trend of NSC users becoming Private Investigators, I quickly decided that this project was for me, I ticked all the right boxes!

Board stiff - tick.
Attention Seeker - tick.
No self awareness - tick.
Not the sharpest tool in the box - tick.
Nosey and interfering - tick.

My next course of action was to work out when they started getting their insights then try to discover what their devious methods were.

They first started spouting off about their insights in the Summer of 2013. They were all over the signings of the likes of Agustein, Lita, Chicksen and Conway. How did they get this info and what had changed to allow the cunning duo access to such top level secrecy?

I decided this had to be an inside job and that the club must have recruited a ‘leak’ prior to the Summer signings. Through one of my sources, I scoured the clubs recruitment that Summer but drew a blank.

Then it hit me whilst I was sitting on the pan, cranking a steamer. Had the club changed any of it’s contractors? The caterers...no, the photographer.....no, the toilet cleaners......bingo! I always get the most sublime inspiration with half a slimy otter hanging out of me!

Another one of my sources quickly provided me with the information. The contract toilet cleaners had resigned their contract after poogate after they refused to fish out the metre long, coach driver born invader. The club had then hired a new company by the name of ‘Licked Clean Janitors’, a quick check on company’s house revealed the co-owners of the business to be a certain Maurice Sheebo and a certain Bernard Bladder. I had them!

I now had to piece together exactly how they were sourcing the info whilst they were supposedly meant to be pan scrubbing. The pair had unwittingly come across a genius scheme when Maurice was sanding down a particularly persistent skid in the cubicles next to the senior management offices. A chap checked into the cubicle next door to Maurice and with pants around his ankles and a turd half conceived, he thrashed out and finalised the details of the Stephen Ward transfer, naming the player, agreeing the fee and fixing a date for the announcement. Maurice noted it down and it wasn’t long before the ins and outs of the deal was being paraded all over NSC and beyond. Maurice was now popular, very popular.

He’d quickly told his partner Bernard about the incident and being the scoundrels we know they are, they launched a plan. They started tracking senior members of the club’s staff and following them into the cubicles to record details during their daily turn-outs. They poked their heads over the top of the cubicles, they shoved their mobile phones under the bottom of the cubicle, they did anything they could to record details of what was going on. The size, the length, the type, the position..... they jotted down the details and then spilt their beans all over NSC to the adulation of all their readers and followers.

The club knew that there was a spy in their ranks and despite sacking most of the ground staff each season, they have never got to the bottom of it.....until now.

Like any successful partnership, for example, Haig & Haig, Cannon & Ball or Cash & Carry, there was a fall out and a split. The club were after someone to man the toilet in Tony’s private plane for the Jahanbakhsh collection, Maurice got the gig and spent the flight tweeting his position and sending out pictures of the cockpit. Bernard got jealous and that was that. They divided the company up into Sheebo’s Shits & Giggles Ltd and Bladder’s Bog Busters Inc. with the latter getting the Amex contract and the former getting the gig at Lancing.

And so it went on. Scoop after scoop and pathetic bickering on this site about who had the best ‘source’.

As furlough kicked in this year however, both have been limited to scrubbing their own cesspits at home....no more ITK news for the pair this summer. The club have asked it’s development squad (and their competitive Dads) to take over the toilet cleaning duties. There is one particular parent who is very browned off about this which is obvious to anyone who reads his posts on twitter.

Mystery solved.

So if Bernard [MENTION=24838]Bladders[/MENTION] had done his JOB the Palace coach driver incident wouldn’t have happened, and we would have gone up two years earlier FFS!


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
 

Wiggy Power

Members
Feb 25, 2009
819
Right, what did I miss?

New striker?
New guest pie?
New CB?
New LWB?
New GK?
New U23 Signing?
New Womens team signing?

Well...............

Sent from my SM-G975F using Tapatalk
 


KZNSeagull

Members
Nov 26, 2007
17,247
Wolsingham, County Durham
Well chaps, this was a thread to the throwback days of the threads full of wild speculation and controversial theories - mixed in with abit of fun ofcourse - which this place has been missing.

I hope we all had a good time along the way, and yes the club did make a couple of announcements with the nearest one to 5pm being 40minutes ago now.

I didn't do too badly I thought.

Now it's over, let's all look forward to the first game of the season against Chelsea.

Come on you Seagulls!






Sent from my Pixel 3a using Tapatalk

This is more your thing: https://www.mumsnet.com/
 

OSRGull

Members
Jan 20, 2011
5,298
N1A
Well chaps, this was a thread to the throwback days of the threads full of wild speculation and controversial theories - mixed in with abit of fun ofcourse - which this place has been missing.

I hope we all had a good time along the way, and yes the club did make a couple of announcements with the nearest one to 5pm being 40minutes ago now.

I didn't do too badly I thought.

Now it's over, let's all look forward to the first game of the season against Chelsea.

Come on you Seagulls!






Sent from my Pixel 3a using Tapatalk

Oh come off it.
 

Bladders

Twats everywhere
Jun 22, 2012
13,672
The Troubadour
So if Bernard [MENTION=24838]Bladders[/MENTION] had done his JOB the Palace coach driver incident wouldn’t have happened, and we would have gone up two years earlier FFS!


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

How dare you ! Myself and Maurice [MENTION=457]sheebo[/MENTION] were hired after the Poogate!!


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
 

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