Choose three things to make this country/life better!

[lawros left foot]

Beer to be no more than £2 a pint, anywhere.or anywhen
Any firm caught profiteering, theCEO serves time in the stocks
Palace to be relegated to the conference made to pay back all the money they owe from their numerous bankruptcys

 

[Stato]

1) Anyone that in any way harms animals to be exterminated.
2) All villages to have that fuzzy warm affect that the cameras give on The Vicar Of Dibley
3) A free bacon sarnie and beverage to be placed under every seat at the Amex pre-game (if you're reading Tony...)

I'm sorry to pick holes, but leaving aside your request for a Jewish bloke to provide 30,000 bacon sandwiches, I can't help wondering who is going to provide the bacon if (1) is in force. Will we have to eat that stuff that vegetarians try to tell you tastes like bacon (when you can see in their eyes that they really don't believe it themselves)?

 

[Return of the Rev]

I always pick up my dogs little gifts, I think owners who dont should be banned from keeping dogs.

BUT recently horses have been taken in parks and footpaths when will owners of horses be made to clean up after they have droped 10 lbs of crap?

The thing is dog crap can be more a problem than horse plop,hence would you put dog do on the roses?

 

[brightn'ove]

Monorail
Monorail
Monorail

Mono .. D'OH

 

[deletebeepbeepbeep]

1. Legalise all drugs.
2. Make it illegal to own more than 2 homes.
3. Introduce an Australian like point based system for immigrants.

 

[fat old seagull]

I can see that I was not pushing my imagination as far as yours! Yes, your improvements are spot on... [just looks under his work chair - nothing]... I'm guessing they'll take time to implement....

Damn it, sorry I've cocked it up somehow. Just looked under mine and there's TWO!

 

[DavidRyder]

I'm sorry to pick holes, but leaving aside your request for a Jewish bloke to provide 30,000 bacon sandwiches, I can't help wondering who is going to provide the bacon if (1) is in force. Will we have to eat that stuff that vegetarians try to tell you tastes like bacon (when you can see in their eyes that they really don't believe it themselves)?

Thanks for highlighting the flaw in my trio - in fact I can't believe I did that! Ok, scrap the bacon sarnies, I'll settle for Cheese & Marmite.

 

[Withdean11]

- 3 day weekends
- Reduce population by 50%
- Better weather

 

[Psychobilly freakout]

1: All fat people should be rounded up and forced to run around giant hamster wheels to power the country.
2: Anyone with over two million pounds should have their extra money confiscated which will be placed into a fund and once all those multi millionaires monies have been collected. The money will then be paid into a fund which I will spend wisely.
3: Anyone returning from fighting for ISIS will be forced to live in a council house and benefits paid to them through direct debit of no more than £20.000 per year unless they need a little bit more because its not enough.

 

[Blue Valkyrie]

German style motorways without speed limits.

Reduced duty on beer.

Improved rail network.

 

[Munkfish]

1. Real Turnstyles to be re-introduced at all football stadiums

2. Anyone found feeding Seagulls will be forced to dress up as a giant Seagull and be forced to walk around town scaring off Seagulls destroying bins and being a pain in the arse.

3. The Animals of Fathing Wood to be re-shown on TV.

 

[KZNSeagull]

1. Matter transporters
2. Any call centre that cold calls anyone more than once a year to be closed down and the owners executed.
3. All debts to be written off for everyone.

 

[Eeyore]

That people would evaluate their lives through independent thought, and not through conscious/ sub conscious indoctrination.

That The Ashes was moved to free to air television.

That my local shop would start selling bananas.

 

[Herr Tubthumper]

Come on guys, I'm only allowed 3?

 

[Prince Monolulu]

A footballer returning to a club once he has played for another one is illegal

Clarkson and Morgan put on rocket to Pluto

School milk returned

 

[Badger]

A complete ban on owning dogs

All roads moved to underground tunnels

A tax on the word "like" being used out of context

 

[DavidRyder]

I've already had 3, but here's 3 more:

1) Banning ALL motorised transport in the whole country for 3 months. This would force communities to work together for a better life, and would actually get people knowing their neighbours - oh and iphones banned too, so they have to talk to people. (I've been watching too much of Victorian Farm)
2) Every seat in every coffee shop to be comfy - wooden seats banned. And coffee gratis.
3) The ability to enter another dimension for a few hours - like walk through a door in your house and enter a corridor on the Death Star, to have lots of intergalactic japes.

 

[Wrong-Direction]

Football, pub gardens, NHS

 

[Worried Man Blues]

No midges
No horseflies
Non stinging nettles

Under pressure here!

 

[Wellesley]

1. Round 'em up.
2. Put 'em in a field.
3. Bomb the bastaaaaaards!!!!