Waylon Smithers: People like dogs, Mr. Burns.
Mr Burns: Nonsense. Dogs are idiots. Think about it, Smithers. If I came into your house and started sniffing at your crotch...and slobbering all over your face, what would you say?
Smithers: Mmm. If you did it, sir?
Boy: You can't treat the working man this way. One day we'll form a union and get the fair and equitable treatment we deserve. Then we'll go too far, and get corrupt and shiftless and the Japanese will eat us alive!
Mr. Burns' Grandfather: The Japanese!? Those sandal-wearing goldfish tenders? Bosh! Flimshaw!
Mr. Burns: If only we'd listened to that boy, instead of walling him up in the abandoned coke oven
Mr. Burns: [referring to famous nuclear disasters] Homer, your bravery and quick thinking have turned a potential Chernobyl into a mere Three-Mile Island. Bravo!
Lisa: I think it's ironic that Dad saved the day, while a slimmer man would've fallen to his death.
Bart: And I think it's ironic that, for once, Dad's butt prevented the spread of toxic ga...
Marge: [hastening to interrupt him] Bart!