That is quite simply BRILLIANT!
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Bell Cheeses at work
- Thread starter Iggle Piggle
- Start date
That is quite simply BRILLIANT!
Brian Fantana
Well-known member
If only someone would make a sitcom about working in an office 
If only someone would make a sitcom about working in an office
Bit of a slight diversion but there was one (apart from The Office that BF is alluding to). There was a very good sitcom on office life in the 70s. It was called The Squirrels and has largely been forgotten now but it was one of the better efforts from that period. It was written by Eric (Rising Damp) Chappell and started comedy stalwarts Ken Jones and Patsy Rowlands while Bernard Hepton was excellent as their boss. I'm pleased to see that Hepton is still alive - he'll be 90 this year
BlockDpete
Well-known member
- Oct 8, 2005
- 1,144
I can never understand the bunches of keys thing, does she have a mini cuddly toy with them too? Perhaps she was a gaoler in an earlier life.
Kind of bell cheese free here, though there is one chap here who seems to want to speak louder than everyone else, though he seems quiet today. Maybe being a Fulham fan has done that....
Chap who walks round with his phone attached to his ear is in, but is the other end of the office.
Main annoyance for me this week, is my end of year PDR markings. Despite my bosses not saying much at all about my performance, well negative anyway, I've been given a I for "Needs Improvement", one up from U for Uttershite. This after I generally think I've taken stuff on and put myself out and got results. I get less of a bonus, and I think if I get another I I could be in dodgy water.
The comments section from my boss, has vague terms like, "Has struggled" , "Found this challenging" and "There is some evidence", without actually stating specifics. Which is strange, as in my own job, I meant to use specifics, not waffle like this....
I'm in touch with my union....
Kind of bell cheese free here, though there is one chap here who seems to want to speak louder than everyone else, though he seems quiet today. Maybe being a Fulham fan has done that....
Chap who walks round with his phone attached to his ear is in, but is the other end of the office.
Main annoyance for me this week, is my end of year PDR markings. Despite my bosses not saying much at all about my performance, well negative anyway, I've been given a I for "Needs Improvement", one up from U for Uttershite. This after I generally think I've taken stuff on and put myself out and got results. I get less of a bonus, and I think if I get another I I could be in dodgy water.
The comments section from my boss, has vague terms like, "Has struggled" , "Found this challenging" and "There is some evidence", without actually stating specifics. Which is strange, as in my own job, I meant to use specifics, not waffle like this....
I'm in touch with my union....
TWOCHOICEStom
Well-known member
Nibble
New member
- Jan 3, 2007
- 19,238
I used to work in quite a small office with maybe 9 staff. Three of the women that worked there: one a mumsy type who was nice enough but not up to date with modern business practice and thought blokes were useless folk who messed around. One just plain useless lazy bird who never did any work, actively skived out of it and then pleaded to the boss to get us all to drop everything and help her as deadlines loomed. and one fat, interfering, feckless over the hill bitch who was unfortunately in charge of one of the sites.
The one thing they did, amongst many infuriating things was every Wednesday they would take a 2 and a half/3 hour lunch meeting off site. Just head off, self declared meeting, hours at a time in some restaurant, they'd all hustle and bustle getting ready and march out like they were doing serious business, way more important than anyone else!
I never saw one minutes sheet and they never came back with a single plan of action and nothing ever changed as a result of these so called meetings but they would come back and make themselves busy with asking what had been going on while they were out.
Of course senior staff sometimes go out for lunch meetings but these were neither senior staff nor meetings. They were the same level as us.
The one thing they did, amongst many infuriating things was every Wednesday they would take a 2 and a half/3 hour lunch meeting off site. Just head off, self declared meeting, hours at a time in some restaurant, they'd all hustle and bustle getting ready and march out like they were doing serious business, way more important than anyone else!
I never saw one minutes sheet and they never came back with a single plan of action and nothing ever changed as a result of these so called meetings but they would come back and make themselves busy with asking what had been going on while they were out.
Of course senior staff sometimes go out for lunch meetings but these were neither senior staff nor meetings. They were the same level as us.
BlockDpete
Well-known member
- Oct 8, 2005
- 1,144
Were these PFL Lunches, as Mr Farage calls them (Proper, F*cking, Lunches). That would 6 bottles of wine between your former female colleagues.
Can I nominate a whole company?
The Advertising/Marketing types in the company in the main house across from our satellite office (our main one is a bit further up the road) are having their summer bash. Massive circus like tent, dodgems, trampolines, BBQ, Bar, ice cream van, Pizza oven shaped like a small locomotive, Giant deckchair (?), loud music. Enjoying the sunshine etc etc
They are Bell Cheeses coz they are having fun and we are not :-(
The Advertising/Marketing types in the company in the main house across from our satellite office (our main one is a bit further up the road) are having their summer bash. Massive circus like tent, dodgems, trampolines, BBQ, Bar, ice cream van, Pizza oven shaped like a small locomotive, Giant deckchair (?), loud music. Enjoying the sunshine etc etc
They are Bell Cheeses coz they are having fun and we are not :-(
This is world class, it really is. Fantastic. Like the rest of this thread.
Are you the bell curve victim this time ? A lot of firms dictate % numbers in each rating, which means someone ends up getting dinged. Should be based on performance against objectives of course, but often ends up being the one the manager least likes for whatever reason.......
So, current bell cheese is in my immediate team of four, and to give you a guide as to his calibre, his father is a big cheese much higher up than me or my boss (or even my boss's boss), so no prizes for guessing how he got the job. A job which he started over nine months ago. A job where he still has no clue as to what he's doing. I haven't vented on here about him before as my other colleague at my level in the team is of the same opinion (and she gets the brunt of his incompetence). He does things such as:
-Talk so quietly you have to lean forward to hear him
-Pay no attention to you when you speak to him
-Forget his glasses (even though he wears them all the time, ffs
)
-Asks how to do a simple job, listen to the explanation, then he goes off and asks someone else the exact same question. These questions are generally related to his job fundamentals, a job he's doing doing for months
-Send emails with fairly basic, fundamental mistakes in terms of explanations or processes to all and sundry
-Gets basic details of his work confused when he's in meetings, so that we have to waste time trying to understand what he's actually trying to say, if you can actually hear him
A few weeks ago, my other colleague went on holiday for a few days and he covered for her. He managed to completely **** up all her work so that when she came back, she had to work late and cancel appointments (and a further day off) in order to clean up the mess he made. He's been spoken to by my boss, given training over and over again but either doesn't listen or is just too stupid to be allowed out on his own.
Fortunately he's on a temp contract which is NOT being renewed, only a couple of months left of his ****wittery left!
-Talk so quietly you have to lean forward to hear him
-Pay no attention to you when you speak to him
-Forget his glasses (even though he wears them all the time, ffs
)-Asks how to do a simple job, listen to the explanation, then he goes off and asks someone else the exact same question. These questions are generally related to his job fundamentals, a job he's doing doing for months
-Send emails with fairly basic, fundamental mistakes in terms of explanations or processes to all and sundry
-Gets basic details of his work confused when he's in meetings, so that we have to waste time trying to understand what he's actually trying to say, if you can actually hear him
A few weeks ago, my other colleague went on holiday for a few days and he covered for her. He managed to completely **** up all her work so that when she came back, she had to work late and cancel appointments (and a further day off) in order to clean up the mess he made. He's been spoken to by my boss, given training over and over again but either doesn't listen or is just too stupid to be allowed out on his own.
Fortunately he's on a temp contract which is NOT being renewed, only a couple of months left of his ****wittery left!
Won't that be daddy's decision?!
happypig
Staring at the rude boys
So, current bell cheese is in my immediate team of four, and to give you a guide as to his calibre, his father is a big cheese much higher up than me or my boss (or even my boss's boss), so no prizes for guessing how he got the job. A job which he started over nine months ago. A job where he still has no clue as to what he's doing. I haven't vented on here about him before as my other colleague at my level in the team is of the same opinion (and she gets the brunt of his incompetence). He does things such as:
-Talk so quietly you have to lean forward to hear him
-Pay no attention to you when you speak to him
-Forget his glasses (even though he wears them all the time, ffs
-Asks how to do a simple job, listen to the explanation, then he goes off and asks someone else the exact same question. These questions are generally related to his job fundamentals, a job he's doing doing for months
-Send emails with fairly basic, fundamental mistakes in terms of explanations or processes to all and sundry
-Gets basic details of his work confused when he's in meetings, so that we have to waste time trying to understand what he's actually trying to say, if you can actually hear him
A few weeks ago, my other colleague went on holiday for a few days and he covered for her. He managed to completely **** up all her work so that when she came back, she had to work late and cancel appointments (and a further day off) in order to clean up the mess he made. He's been spoken to by my boss, given training over and over again but either doesn't listen or is just too stupid to be allowed out on his own.
Fortunately he's on a temp contract which is NOT being renewed, only a couple of months left of his ****wittery left!
Many years ago there was a bloke at our place who was given a job by his father (a senior director level) which he neither wanted nor was suited for so he tried his best to be useless but no-one would sack him for fear of incurring the wrath of the big cheese. He finally got his marching orders when he was told the customer wanted the phone "close to the piano" so he screwed it onto the side of said (valuable antique) piano.
I suspect like a recalcitrant turd he will float to the surface somewhere else in the company
Slightly off topic but ...
Several years ago I worked with a particularly skinny bloke - a good guy working for me on contract and doing important work - and he and I were out having a crafty lunchtime / afternoons beer in Worthing (near where we worked).
A couple of pints down the Bar door opened and an absolutely HUGE woman walked I with a very small dog in tow.
I was just about to say to him "Jeezuz Christ look at that ...." when she made a Bee line to our table, leaned in and kissed him on the cheek and said "hiya Hubbie, enjoying your lunch?".
I was that close ............ <cue for separate thread on "Near Misses">
Several years ago I worked with a particularly skinny bloke - a good guy working for me on contract and doing important work - and he and I were out having a crafty lunchtime / afternoons beer in Worthing (near where we worked).
A couple of pints down the Bar door opened and an absolutely HUGE woman walked I with a very small dog in tow.
I was just about to say to him "Jeezuz Christ look at that ...." when she made a Bee line to our table, leaned in and kissed him on the cheek and said "hiya Hubbie, enjoying your lunch?".
I was that close ............ <cue for separate thread on "Near Misses">
There's always a chance that Daddy will want to teach him a lesson and give him some terrible position at the lowest rung of the company.Meanwhile we've got an old CLASSIC here this morning. A guy has got one of those coughs that make it sound like he's slowly dying. Of course he's been LOUDLY coughing all morning and explained he only had an hours sleep last night. Here's an idea, go home you MORON, rather than IRRITATING everyone else in the office and SPREADING your germs. No doubt I'll catch it just in time for the weekend.
lawros left foot
Glory hunting since 1969
So, current bell cheese is in my immediate team of four, and to give you a guide as to his calibre, his father is a big cheese much higher up than me or my boss (or even my boss's boss), so no prizes for guessing how he got the job. A job which he started over nine months ago. A job where he still has no clue as to what he's doing. I haven't vented on here about him before as my other colleague at my level in the team is of the same opinion (and she gets the brunt of his incompetence). He does things such as:
-Talk so quietly you have to lean forward to hear him
-Pay no attention to you when you speak to him
-Forget his glasses (even though he wears them all the time, ffs
-Asks how to do a simple job, listen to the explanation, then he goes off and asks someone else the exact same question. These questions are generally related to his job fundamentals, a job he's doing doing for months
-Send emails with fairly basic, fundamental mistakes in terms of explanations or processes to all and sundry
-Gets basic details of his work confused when he's in meetings, so that we have to waste time trying to understand what he's actually trying to say, if you can actually hear him
A few weeks ago, my other colleague went on holiday for a few days and he covered for her. He managed to completely **** up all her work so that when she came back, she had to work late and cancel appointments (and a further day off) in order to clean up the mess he made. He's been spoken to by my boss, given training over and over again but either doesn't listen or is just too stupid to be allowed out on his own.
Fortunately he's on a temp contract which is NOT being renewed, only a couple of months left of his ****wittery left!
Leaving to be an MP I expect
- Jul 10, 2003
- 26,338
If you think working WITH him is bad now, wait till you're working FOR him in his next contract
