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You're heading for a landslide in the 1983 election and us to glory in the FA Cup. So to make sure you give Jimmy Case a free kick with a ball made of lead from 30 yards out. Score this and it's guaranteed. I think the best free kick without novelty boots you will ever see. Everybody wanted him...

I've never quite worked why we expect footballers, athletes, musicians et al, to be like the less focused people. To be that good, you have one dream, to be the best and basically, f**k the rest. What they do will be a memory for all time, but personality wise, doubt you would ask them round for...

Anybody else still waiting for tickets to be delivered for Saturday? Phoned the ticket office and was told there is a problem but they didn't elaborate on what is was.

After watching a fairly disjointed England performance on Tuesday, all the plaudits went to the manager of Montenegro. But in a World Cup Final before extra time (yep 2003 and different ball), the captain told the manager in a fairly straightforward way, that he knew what they had to do, so...

FIFA President Sepp Blatter (102) has sensationally revoked Qatar's right to host the 2022 World Cup. In a leaked tape Blatter admits that he mistook 50 degrees celcius for Fahrenheit. In another shock move, officials from the successful 2018 bid have flown immediately to Zurich to explain to...

Ruck off,rollocks it's a hunt. Early career as a rugby referee, some rowing and then building fences in Cheltenham. But my old man did tell me, that if large ugly birds take away a player you watched and cheered for, you stand and applaud that player.

On the back of his famous quote, are British club players incapable of playing abroad? And is it making a game against Montenegro a nervy affair? If you work out the percentage of British players below the Premier League, we seem to have created a glass ceiling half way up the Championship. In a...

Only on You tube and a really strange top 10. Top 10 English Fans - YouTube 1. Fair enough 2. Wrong song but loud as hell home and away, so fair play 3. Just no 4. Pipes and drums Good. Pies and drum. Nope. 5. Fair enough again and that's what Wembley will look like in blue and white sometime...

I believe both deserve the gold. But there can be only one winner. The voice of horse racing. Desert Orchid at Cheltenham and the 1977 Grand National. Just beautiful commentary. The voice of cricket. Humour mixed with experience and totally impartiality. And my winner. Richie. My reasoning...

Why does it cost over 20 pounds to go to Falmer from Victoria single but only half that via Lewes? Even if I try advance it seems to make no difference.

I read the Daily Telegraph. I own most of Wiltshire and a bit of Dorset. I also read it because they have the best sports writers. However and not just this particular report, and (as a team that deserves equal measure to Peterborough, Bristol, Tranmere and Fleetwood or add another team), the...

Quick vote.... might answer last nights question in the more than awful Victoria Station sports bar. Athletics Jamilla Kratochvilova vs Jess Ennis Tennis Betty Stove vs Maria Sharapova Hockey The entire Dutch team at 2012 vs another team The clincher was three day...

You see it. You don't believe it. You don't want to write about it because a manager in front of a microphone will say a sight you don't remember. To watch the chance to close to a play off place ruined by a reaction that defies belief, it really really cuts. One nil down but should win by...

I write infrequently and usually at this time. Beautifully, responses are from Seagulls with insomnia or happy drunks who love the world. After being allowed to stand at a football ground in Birmingham and watching a lot of money disappear on a 6/4 Brighton win, both events are accepted as...

When it's busy (which is most times). if you walk eyes down from Victoria tube to Victoria platforms to Brighton you will have a better chance of getting your train. If you look up, be polite move to the left or the right as you move across the concourse you have a higher probability you'll miss...

So it all starts tomorrow. You would have thought that after so many seasons that you'd get used to it. But if you get used to it then maybe you never cared enough in the first place. Will we score enough goals, will the defence be strong enough, do we have creativity in midfield, is Gus the...

A-ha Looking at the TV schedules tonight, these ideas for a programme don't seem so laughable now. Any thoughts on the state of the broadcasting industry, or new ideas to pitch to the TV world? If you've never seen Alan Partridge then they are both my ideas.

The pitch is looking greener than expected at this time of year. Unfortunately the rain has not filtered into the Falmer aquifer. For football fans this will mean we cannot promise to water down all alcoholic beverages sold in the South Downs area until October.

Rather than bore you all with physics, relativity in time is basically true. The idea being that good times are faster than bad in the same constant. Being the constant of C of the equation, speed of light. So the season draws to a close and what a season. Nothing to everything, then you reach...

Camouflage in a green bamboo forest, black and white. Only eat bamboo. Easy to track down to bamboo forest. Holiday in Scotland. And yes TV a bit thin tonight.