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I am in the same boat as Bevendean Hillbilly. Got made redundant from a previous job and when I got another one I found that my ex was after taxable benefits from my previous job. I ran up big debts paying mortgage and all that whilst I was unemployed (didnt claim any benefits whatsoever) then...

I went to the March one. Bloody hell I think my ears were ringing for about a month afterwards.

Id say she is virtually uninsurable mate. Youll have to go for the "death by other causes" option and push the bitch off a mountain or something. Couldnt she take up extreme Bunjee or Stunt Motorbiking?

Thats more like it. Werent you able to lie on the floor under their table and sneak a listen??

So...El Abd and Zamora both queing up in Disneyland...did you see them exchange a manilla envelope and a meaningful wink as they sat in a little car together on Thunder Mountain? Thats how good rumours are born on NSC.

Couldnt you attribute a miniscule "incremental march towards death" factor for each fag? something divided by a million=progression of risk. That way we could have our smoker not only ticking off the coffin nails towards his demise but also have him colour in some sort of lung chart with a big...

You mean he hadnt gone for the quick pass? f*** me, what are they paying him at QPR?

I assume he is going for a median value rather than a mean.

I would have thought the chance of spontaneous combustion would have been just as high.

Easy then. Just keet a running total in your head and pack it in on 999,999. Live long and prosper.

The rates of Heart attack and stroke have not decreased particularly over the past 40 years but they have tended to move back by about 8 years as smoking rates have declined and medical treatment has improved. At one time 1/2 of adult male smokers would not live to collect their old age...

If you smoke enough fags then you get to ride around in one of those cool electric mopeds which, not only saves sho leather, but significantly increases your appeal to the ladies. Unfortunately you are impotent becauses of fags but theres no more tedious walking. You are also able to accelerate...

Not tonight Josephine. Last saw them at the...wait for it...Assembly rooms in Worthing of all places! They were f***ing immense. Lemmy even did a request for me.

The odds are: A miilion to one that 1 fag will kill you, evens that a million fags will kill you 6-4 being a sanctimonious arsehole will result in someone else killing you. Alternatively...you could walk out tomorrow and get hit by a bus. P.S. I dont smoke.

Shitting controllably? For some reason that made me snort with laughter...I was thinking of a "Listen with Mother" type posh bird saying "Are you shitting controllably? then I'll begin"

If you make sure that you wash your hands with neat bleach after touching anything whatsoever you should be OK. Alternatively do not leave your home until Spring.

Here another fact. Are you ready? Non Smokers.....die every day.

You could always unsubscribe to all that porno? Not buy an STH next season? Move out of Brighton? Thats a $7000 bill right there

I wouldnt take my concerns about a chinese knocking shop to Points of View Easy. They deal with vexatious nonsense from BBC viewers about songs of praise being filled with darkies. Its Watchdawg you want so Matt Albright can go round there on a motorbike, have a substandard handjob filmed with a...

Agreed. The coolness of standing outside a warm pub in December freezing your arse off in a persistent sleet shower is fonz like in its coolness. I love smoking but its increasingly a mugs game.