Raleigh Chopper
New member
Fyffes!
Didn't they used to make bananas.
Didn't they used to make bananas.
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Favourite one-liners from comedy sitcoms
- Thread starter Durlston
- Start date
Grandad: Oh, do us a favour Rodney. Only a month ago you was in love with that skinny bird from the dry-cleaners. Now along comes another little girl and you're away again!
Rodney: Marguerite from the dry cleaners was just an infatuation! This is the real thing! And Irene is not a little girl - she happens to be a woman!
Del: Oh a woman, eh? He's fell in love with someone who's got the vote this time! How old is she, 20?
Rodney: No. She's about - 30.
Del: What d'you mean about 30? How old is he exactly?
Rodney: 40.
Del and Grandad: 40? 40?
Del: You're not being serious are you?
Rodney: Well what's wrong with going out with a woman of 40?
Del: Nothing, nothing at all, if you happen to be 50! Blimey she's even too old for me!
Grandad: Well I'd have to think twice!
Rodney: Marguerite from the dry cleaners was just an infatuation! This is the real thing! And Irene is not a little girl - she happens to be a woman!
Del: Oh a woman, eh? He's fell in love with someone who's got the vote this time! How old is she, 20?
Rodney: No. She's about - 30.
Del: What d'you mean about 30? How old is he exactly?
Rodney: 40.
Del and Grandad: 40? 40?
Del: You're not being serious are you?
Rodney: Well what's wrong with going out with a woman of 40?
Del: Nothing, nothing at all, if you happen to be 50! Blimey she's even too old for me!
Grandad: Well I'd have to think twice!
Puppet Master
non sequitur
- Aug 14, 2012
- 4,055
Sorry for yet another OFAH
Del: "If you say during the bloody war one more time I'm gonna hit you one"
Albert:"....During the 1939-45 conflict with Germany...."
Del: "If you say during the bloody war one more time I'm gonna hit you one"
Albert:"....During the 1939-45 conflict with Germany...."
- Thread starter
- #185
One from Reginald Perrin.
Uncle Jimmy from the Army: "So what's Brazil like in the winter?"
Martin Welbourne (in disguise as Reggy and never been to South America but claims to have lived there for a few years so has to think on his feet): "Chile!"
Brilliant.
Uncle Jimmy from the Army: "So what's Brazil like in the winter?"
Martin Welbourne (in disguise as Reggy and never been to South America but claims to have lived there for a few years so has to think on his feet): "Chile!"
Brilliant.
Medwayseagull
JCB
Some things remain timeless as far as Southern trains are concerned.
Theatre of Trees
Well-known member
"Hey Nursey am I pleased to see you or is this a canoe in my pocket?"
"Hey Bridesmaid like the beard gives me something to hang on to."
"Jane 'bury me in a Y shaped coffin' Harrington? Goes like a privy door when the plague's in town."
"Baldrick go out into the street and announce Blackadder's house is up for sale. Percy go out into the street."
"You have a woman's purse. I bet that purse has never been filled with shipwrecked seamen being tossed about."
Blackadder: "I'm having trouble with my manservant."
Doctor: "Well pop it out onto the table and we'll have a look."
Can't go wrong with Blackadder 2
"Hey Bridesmaid like the beard gives me something to hang on to."
"Jane 'bury me in a Y shaped coffin' Harrington? Goes like a privy door when the plague's in town."
"Baldrick go out into the street and announce Blackadder's house is up for sale. Percy go out into the street."
"You have a woman's purse. I bet that purse has never been filled with shipwrecked seamen being tossed about."
Blackadder: "I'm having trouble with my manservant."
Doctor: "Well pop it out onto the table and we'll have a look."
Can't go wrong with Blackadder 2
Randsta
New member
A classic from Seinfeld
Kramer : "These pretzles are making me thirsty"
Kramer : "These pretzles are making me thirsty"
Poyningsgull
Well-known member
- Apr 12, 2007
- 1,639
Classic from Hancock's half hour
I thought my mother was a bad cook, but at least her gravy used to move around a bit.
I thought my mother was a bad cook, but at least her gravy used to move around a bit.
pasty
A different kind of pasty
Reminded by the TOTP thread....
Fletcher to Godber: We could go out, you know... yeah, I could phone up a couple of them dolly birds that dance on Top of the Pops. What are they called? Pan's People. There's one special one - beautiful Babs. Dunno what her name is.
Fletcher to Godber: We could go out, you know... yeah, I could phone up a couple of them dolly birds that dance on Top of the Pops. What are they called? Pan's People. There's one special one - beautiful Babs. Dunno what her name is.
pasty
A different kind of pasty
Worth a bounce for this gem just popped up on telly in a repeat of Yes Prime Minister
Jim Hacker: Don't tell me about the Press. I know *exactly* who reads the papers. The Daily Mirror is read by the people who think they run the country. The Guardian is read by people who think they *ought* to run the country. The Times is read by the people who actually *do* run the country. The Daily Mail is read by the wives of the people who run the country. The Financial Times is read by people who *own* the country. The Morning Star is read by people who think the country ought to be run by *another* country. The Daily Telegraph is read by the people who think it is.
Sir Humphrey: Prime Minister, what about the people who read The Sun?
Bernard Woolley: Sun readers don't care *who* runs the country - as long as she's got big tits.
Jim Hacker: Don't tell me about the Press. I know *exactly* who reads the papers. The Daily Mirror is read by the people who think they run the country. The Guardian is read by people who think they *ought* to run the country. The Times is read by the people who actually *do* run the country. The Daily Mail is read by the wives of the people who run the country. The Financial Times is read by people who *own* the country. The Morning Star is read by people who think the country ought to be run by *another* country. The Daily Telegraph is read by the people who think it is.
Sir Humphrey: Prime Minister, what about the people who read The Sun?
Bernard Woolley: Sun readers don't care *who* runs the country - as long as she's got big tits.
daveinprague
New member
DelBoy: How do they say duck in French.
Rodney: Canard
Delboy: Youre not wrong Rodney, youre not wrong.
Rodney: Canard
Delboy: Youre not wrong Rodney, youre not wrong.
Raleigh Chopper
New member
"You're looking very happy today Mr Fawlty"
" Yes, one of guests has just died"
" Yes, one of guests has just died"
Theatre of Trees
Well-known member
Mrs Doyle: And what do we say to a nice a cup of tea?
Father Jack: Feck off cup.
Father Jack: Feck off cup.
AmexRuislip
Trainee Spy 🕵️♂️
[h=2]The Dreaded Batter Pudding Hurler of Bexhill-on-Sea[/h]Henry: Here, Minnie, hold my elephant gun.
Minnie: I don't know what you brought it for. You can't shoot elephants in England, you know.
Henry: And why not?
Minnie: They're out of season.
Henry: Does this mean we shall have to have pelican for dinner again?
Minnie: I fear so, I fear so.
Henry: Then I'll risk it. I'll shoot an elephant out of season.
Circa; The fabulous Goon Show
Minnie: I don't know what you brought it for. You can't shoot elephants in England, you know.
Henry: And why not?
Minnie: They're out of season.
Henry: Does this mean we shall have to have pelican for dinner again?
Minnie: I fear so, I fear so.
Henry: Then I'll risk it. I'll shoot an elephant out of season.
Circa; The fabulous Goon Show
prawnsarnies
Well-known member
- Jan 20, 2010
- 1,025
No Del, we don't have a car phone!!!!!!!
rocker959
Well-known member
I've got a Porsche hee hee ..... Emma Thompson's posh teams incorrect but given answer to a question on The Young Ones University challenge episode. Brilliant episode also featuring MOTORHEAD oh yes indeedy .RIP Lemmy sadly missed .
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