Favourite one-liners from comedy sitcoms

[Buzzer]

From Dear John, the dinner party episode

"That's alright Mrs Boyd-Peters. You have that one on me."

 

[robinsonsgrin]

Blackadder: I've got a plan so cunning, you could put a tail on it & call it a weasel.

 

[thedonkeycentrehalf]

Vanished, like an old oak table

 

[Muhammed - I’m hard - Bruce Lee]

Rodney: you see Raquel, what I think that Cassandra is trying to say is that we prefer the fur on the animal
Albert: ain't it marvellous, Del buys Raquel some new clothes and you two have a pop at her.
Rodney: oh Del bought it
Del: you thought it was real didn't ya. No no no dopey, it's that stimulated fur

Yep, I must have seen every episode at least ten times. The set I have is the least edited version and includes the unedited version of A Royal flush. Not sure if you aware of this site but it is very good for ofah related stuff http://www.ofah.net/blog/

I once won a charity auction and John Challis(Boycie) sent me a load of autographed stuff including his autobiography, masks and all sorts of stuff.

I could talk about ofah for days but would bore the crap out of people.

not me pal...John Challis is a personal friend of mine

 

[studio150]

Radar (in a letter): As usual, I'm writing slowly because I know you can't read fast.

 

[BrianWade4]

"Hands up who likes me!"
Young Ones

Rik Mayal RIP

 

[Grombleton]

Gareth: In this room I have special...
Tim: ...needs?
Gareth: No, in this room I am a special...
Tim: ...needs child?
Gareth: No, and that's not even funny.

 

[Beach Hut]

Rick in the Young ones after Neil spilt tea on him:

I'm disfigured for life, I am the elephant man

 

[Cheeky Monkey]

Alexi Sayle (as train driver): 'You've got your Garibaldi, of course, you've got your Bourbons and then you've got your Peek Freans Trotsky Assortment'

 

[BN9 BHA]

Blackadder.

"Don't worry Mr B I have a cunning plan to solve the problem"

" Yes Baldrick, let us not forget that you tried to solve the problem of your mothers low ceiling by cutting off her head"

 

[BN9 BHA]

Alexi Sayle (as train driver): 'You've got your Garibaldi, of course, you've got your Bourbons and then you've got your Peek Freans Trotsky Assortment'

I was watching that episode last night.

" Neil, your bedrooms on fire "

 

[Harry Wilson's tackle]

To lighten the mood I thought I'd start a thread about comedy sitcoms. There's been so many over the years that it's impossible to mention them all but I love Only Fools And Horses, Rising Damp, Early Doors, The Royle Family, Phoenix Nights and loads more.

I'll start with a classic from Reginald Perrin when he's faked his own suicide. He's in the pub listening in with a disguise on with beard during lunch hour when his former work colleagues start laughing. "My God! I've only been dead a month and they're cracking jokes!"

Nana from the Royle family to Jim Royle "You've got more faces than the town hall clock and everyone of them 's miserable!"

The police from Early Doors: "Crime can't crack itself!"

CJ, as a tramp, in RP, in the back of the car, having spent his entire life saying 'I didn't get where I am today . . . .' etc, said 'I didn't get where you are today'. I laughed so hard I blew my left testicle out my backside. And the latter is also a quote which almost did literally that to me . . . anyone remember what that's from?

 

[BN9 BHA]

Blackadder.

" Baldrick, does it have to be this way? Our valued friendship ending with me cutting you into long strips and telling the prince that you walked over a very sharp cattle grid in an extremely heavy hat"

 

[Gary Hart's Stalker]

Trigger: This old brooms had 17 new heads and 14 new handles.

 

[Harry Wilson's tackle]

You're wrong, and you're a grotesquely ugly freak.

 

[fat old seagull]

Roger my arse !

Oy! This isn't a feckin Dating Site!

 

[Harry Wilson's tackle]

'Come on football, give us a goal'

'Flatly my dear I don't Riverdance (give a damn).'

Both of these are catchphrases to be used on a dalily basis, among my closest friends and family. Always make me titter.

 

[studio150]

A man ahead of his time (Reggie Perrin)

"Eleven minutes late, staff difficulties, Hampton Wick." "Eleven minutes late, signal failure at Vauxhall." "Eleven minutes late, staff shortages, Nine Elms." "Eleven minutes late, derailment of container truck, Raynes Park." "Eleven minutes late, seasonal manpower shortages, Clapham Junction." "Eleven minutes late, defective junction box, New Malden." "Eleven minutes late, overheated axle at Berrylands." "Eleven minutes late, defective axle at Wandsworth." "Eleven minutes late, somebody had stolen the lines at Surbiton."

 

[DavidinSouthampton]

Steptoe and Son - during a conversation (can't remember exact wording, it was a long time ago) about whether the old man annoys Harold: "You'd get on the Archbishop of Canterbury's tits, you would".

And again, the two Steptoes are clearing a flat and Albert is reading the newspapersput down under a carpet or lino they had just taken up: "Here, Gandhi's Dead!" ........... about 20 years after he had actually died.

 

[DavidinSouthampton]

A man ahead of his time (Reggie Perrin)

"Eleven minutes late, staff difficulties, Hampton Wick." "Eleven minutes late, signal failure at Vauxhall." "Eleven minutes late, staff shortages, Nine Elms." "Eleven minutes late, derailment of container truck, Raynes Park." "Eleven minutes late, seasonal manpower shortages, Clapham Junction." "Eleven minutes late, defective junction box, New Malden." "Eleven minutes late, overheated axle at Berrylands." "Eleven minutes late, defective axle at Wandsworth." "Eleven minutes late, somebody had stolen the lines at Surbiton."

I always liked Reggie's (military?) brother-in-law - "Bit of a cock-up on the catering front!"