Got something to say or just want fewer pesky ads? Join us... 😊
Crystal Palace - Joke club
- Thread starter peterward
- Start date
public school boy
Banned
Insurance job.
A typhoon went through Croydon yesterday causing utter devestation. The bill to rebuild the town and reconstruct it back to its original state is estimated by insurance companies to be in excess of £5.27.
public school boy
Banned
Prospective new signing goes for medical at Palace and is asked by the club Doctor if he, the player, has been circumcised. Why do you ask said the player and the Doc answers, well we only sign complete dicks here.
A Crystal Palarse fan turns up for a job interview and the interviewer asks him "What qualifications do you have ?"
"Well Sir" he answers, "I have 12 A* GCSEs, 5 A-Levels all at A grade, two AS levels, a first class degree and a Phd with distinction"
The interviewer looks up and says "You're taking the piss aren't you?"
The Crystal Palarse fan replies "Well, you started it".
"Well Sir" he answers, "I have 12 A* GCSEs, 5 A-Levels all at A grade, two AS levels, a first class degree and a Phd with distinction"
The interviewer looks up and says "You're taking the piss aren't you?"
The Crystal Palarse fan replies "Well, you started it".
PFJ
Not the JPF ..splitters !
When the owners arrived , they asked the detective if the cups were safe. The plod replied , don't worry sir , they didn't get as far as the canteen .
public school boy
Banned
A Palace supporter decided to drive down to The Amex for a quick look but when he got down to Handcross he decided that he did not have enough fuel so he drove back up to South Norwood to fill up.
Took a moment but very good!
BadFish
Huge Member
- Oct 19, 2003
- 19,969
But they couldn't afford it, so they went into administration again and only had to pay 53 pence.
lol
deletebeepbeepbeep
Well-known member
- May 12, 2009
- 22,348
Second half much better but Murray must be thinking what a mistake he's made as whenever he received the ball he tried to play a quick one two, problem was I didn't recall one player actually passing the ball back to him, his tempo and thought process seemed to be on a whole other level, our players need to catch up and play to his standard.
The Medical Reseach Council made a grant of £2,000,005 available to esteemed educational facilities to establish why a man's manhaood was shaped in the way it is.
Oxford University spent £1m on research and determined that it was shaped that way for a man's pleasure.
Cambridge University spent £1m on research and determined that it was shaped that way for a woman's pleasure.
Croydon College spent £5m and determined that it was to stop your hand falling off the end.
Oxford University spent £1m on research and determined that it was shaped that way for a man's pleasure.
Cambridge University spent £1m on research and determined that it was shaped that way for a woman's pleasure.
Croydon College spent £5m and determined that it was to stop your hand falling off the end.
bobby smith
New member
Was working in the samaritans last nite wen a Palarse fan phoned up and said he was at south norwood railway station feeling suicidal, so i told him to stay on the line 
Sussex Nomad
Well-known member
Nigel was shagging a girl when she asks " Does it not bother you, that I'm only thirteen ? " He replied " No I've never been superstitious "
Nigel's wife confronted him today about some missing underwear, he almost shit her knickers !
Croydon girl with 14 sons goes to benefits office to claim, benefit officer asks her for the names of the sons she replies " Their all called Nigel" benefit officer says " Isn't that confusing" " No because if I say Nigel tidy your room they all do it & if I say Nigel bedtime they all do it" benefits officer then asks "What if you want them to do anything individually" "Then I just use their surnames"
Nigel's wife confronted him today about some missing underwear, he almost shit her knickers !
Croydon girl with 14 sons goes to benefits office to claim, benefit officer asks her for the names of the sons she replies " Their all called Nigel" benefit officer says " Isn't that confusing" " No because if I say Nigel tidy your room they all do it & if I say Nigel bedtime they all do it" benefits officer then asks "What if you want them to do anything individually" "Then I just use their surnames"
Jimbo.GRFC
Banned
- Apr 2, 2010
- 1,378
Was working in the samaritans last nite wen a Palarse fan phoned up and said he was at south norwood railway station feeling suicidal, so i told him to stay on the line
Q: What do you have when 100 Palace fans are buried up to their necks in sand?
A: Not enough sand.
Jimbo.GRFC
Banned
- Apr 2, 2010
- 1,378
A Palace supporting family were out shopping and ended up in a sports shop. Little Kevin suddenly puts on a Brighton shirt and says to his sister 'Look, I'm a Brighton fan!' His sister slaps him across the face and orders him to show their mum.
He wanders over to his mum and says Mum look, 'I'm a Brighton fan' His mother also slaps him across the face and orders him to show his dad. He finds his dad and say's Dad, I'm a Brighton fan' His dad looks at him and then he also slaps him across the face.
On their way home in the car the family turn to him and say 'Well we hope you've learned something today' To which little Kevin replies 'Yeah, I've only been a Brighton fan for twenty minutes and I already hate you Palace bastards!'
He wanders over to his mum and says Mum look, 'I'm a Brighton fan' His mother also slaps him across the face and orders him to show his dad. He finds his dad and say's Dad, I'm a Brighton fan' His dad looks at him and then he also slaps him across the face.
On their way home in the car the family turn to him and say 'Well we hope you've learned something today' To which little Kevin replies 'Yeah, I've only been a Brighton fan for twenty minutes and I already hate you Palace bastards!'
Phat Baz 68
Get a ****ing life mate !
- Apr 16, 2011
- 5,026
Not a Palarse joke but anyway i like this one !
My wife is divorcing me , she says that i'm "to kinky and perverted" I almost spat her piss out !!!
My wife is divorcing me , she says that i'm "to kinky and perverted" I almost spat her piss out !!!
Slippery Seagull
Member
Knorr have released a special red and blue striped stock cube to celebrate the start of Crystal Palarse's season............they're calling it the 'laughing stock'
Slippery Seagull
Member
I didn't realise that CP fans went to home games dressed as empty seats....