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Unwritten rules or playground football...



The Antikythera Mechanism

The oldest known computer
NSC Patron
Aug 7, 2003
7,822
When I was at Balfour Primary, we were not allowed balls in the playground. To get round this we used an empty Jiff lemon squirter.

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Grombleton

Surrounded by <div>s
Dec 31, 2011
7,356
(assuming you're playing with real 5-a-side goals) you have to scream "AAAHHHH TONY YEEEBOOOOWAAAAHHHH!!!!" if you get one in off the bar.

I play 5 a side on a Sunday evening. I always do this.

Another rule: if a free-kick is given, there shall be no 'wall is 10yards away' rule...the wall will stand as close to the ball as possible, removing any advantage the attacking team may have.
 


Badger

NOT the Honey Badger
NSC Patron
May 8, 2007
12,797
Toronto
The goals are NEVER the same size, nor directly in line.

One kid (usually with glasses) will notice the discrepancy in goal sizes and inevitably make the smaller goal even bigger than the other one.
 


Doc Lynam

I hate the Daily Mail
Jun 19, 2011
7,208
There will be one player who will be a football god but will never play proper 11 aside!
 






Badger

NOT the Honey Badger
NSC Patron
May 8, 2007
12,797
Toronto
Every goal will be followed by at least one kid exclaiming "it came off me last". Some spurious evidence will be put forward and in the end the goal will be awarded to whoever shouted loudest.
 




Luke93

STAND OR FALL
Jun 23, 2013
5,030
Shoreham
Siblings must be on the same side (football courts ONLY)

Corners are only given when the ball is five meters over the 'line', otherwise it's play on

'Bum slaps' will be played when a new comer arrives

Teams may or may not be of equal size

at least 80% of our team is made up by 'strikers'

balls under or over the crossbar is determined on size of goalie, power on shot and distance it travelled

Half time is when the ball owner wants to get sweets

Everyone scores a hat-trick

'Im the ref, it's my ball'

Team captains must pick their friends first, even if they're already on the other team

"You picked first, we get kick off"

Many more...
 




Badger

NOT the Honey Badger
NSC Patron
May 8, 2007
12,797
Toronto
There's one player in each team who likes doing slide tackles, he's always the sole defender.
 








Badger

NOT the Honey Badger
NSC Patron
May 8, 2007
12,797
Toronto
Bags or jumpers being used as goalposts are considered "fair game" for stamping on should the ball go near them.
 




countryman

Well-known member
Jun 28, 2011
1,893
If the goalie is miles off his line and you are able to run it in, you should lay down to head it in.
Both teams shout at the 'goal hog' when he scores and after the game. The defending team for him being annoying, the attacking team for nicking their goals.
Goalies must shout "I CAN'T SEE IT" every time it gets near his goal.
There is always one kid who decides that he must go in goal if there is a penalty.
Who ever the foul was committed on gets to take the penalty.
When it's a throw in (this only occurs if it went over a fence or you are playing on a proper pitch) one kid must shout "foul throw" when the throw in is taken.
 




Cappers

Deano's right one
Jun 3, 2010
791
Hove
Never understood why rush goalie was such a big thing. Any goalkeeper at any level could be rush goalie. It's within the rules
 


Uh_huh_him

Well-known member
Sep 28, 2011
10,741
If it touches the post (jumper/coke can/twig) then NO WAY is it a goal.

There has never been a 0-0 in the entire history of playground football. FACT.

This may be a false memory.. but I recall a lunchtime game at Thomas a Beckett 4th years - which finished 1-0.

The two best players had conspired to be on the same team, making the likelihood of an even contest slim to none.
I was on the lesser fancied side and somehow we managed to score the first goal.
We thought that was going to be the only time in the game that we would be ahead so settled back, sat deep and tried to make the most of our small moment of glory.

What followed next was the most one sided game of football ever seen...
Defence against attack for the next 35 minutes...The rearguard action by the unfancied group of misfits was legendary... After 5 minutes of resisting the relentless attacks, there started to grow a sense that maybe we could keep the score respectable.

David Moses produced a goalkeeping masterclass. i'd like to see PIG perform to such a high standard on a concrete netball court. Facing the challenge of trying to stop a dog-eared 5 year old tennis ball.
The defence was resolute and robust... 15 behind the ball at all times.The Prima donnas had 90% possession, Countless shots on/off target.
But the only stat that mattered was the goal count...1-0 to the good guys.

Actually maybe it wasn't David Moses... Maybe it was Geoffrey Brown.. or someone else.. it was a long time ago... Maybe it didn't happen quite like that at all..
but I do remember clearly the euphoria when the end of lunchtime bell rang ... Glory!
 


D

Deleted member 18477

Guest
Playground football is the best form of football you'll ever play in your life. Even if you're in a World Cup final, I guarantee you would still have enjoyed playground football at primary school the most!
 


Cheshire Cat

The most curious thing..
The fat kid goes in goal since he takes up most space and is therefore most physically able to block any shots without having to move much.

The fat kid is an invariable coward who gets out of the way of any hard shot.
 




bobby baxter

Well-known member
Jan 31, 2014
719
I will get things started with...

The height of the goal will vary depending on the size of the kid and the general concencous that the ball looked like it would be going over.

If it could not be agreed that a goal was scored or not, a penalty would be awarded to decide the outcome.

If someone asked you to play, you would instantly say I don't know its not my ball.

The team with one less player could have a rush keeper, where as the opposing goalkeeper had to stay put in goal.

Throughout the game a general consensus had to be debated regarding the score, is it 10 - 6, 9 -6, 8 - 7 or 9 all?
 


smeariestbat

New member
May 5, 2012
1,731
i remember we were only allowed to play with those foam balls on the playground. But when a bit fell off, it was 'MULTI-BALL' time :D
 


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