[Humour] Poetic Put Downs

[The Clamp]

Who said to whom.

So much for your classical education.

Autocorrect on phone.

So much for your attempt at being clever.

 

[Triggaaar]

Autocorrect on phone.

[cough]Bullshit[/cough]

So much for your attempt at being clever.

That literally makes no sense.

Nibble.

 

[The Clamp]

[cough]Bullshit[/cough]

That literally makes no sense.

Nibble.

Oh lordy, a Trigaaar multiquote meltdown. It's been a while since I've had the dubious pleasure.

 

[Nobby Horton's Knob]

Do any of you know Summer Holiday by Cliff Richard?
You hum it, i'll smash your face in.

 

[Harry Wilson's tackle]

More than 30 years ago a young medic (registrar) doing a spot of research in our department aked me a question, intending to be unctious (he was an egregious greaser), but it came out all wrong. He said:

"May I have the benefit of your enormous opinion?"

Or perhaps it was a freudian slip

 

[Icy Gull]

You have Van Gogh’s ear for music

 

[Muzzman]

Your secret is safe with my indifference.

 

[Tim Over Whelmed]

I have always reserved the following for those "appropriate" moments "Of course you're entitled to your opinion, however misguided you may be"

 

[The Clamp]

Winston Churchill;

"Mr. Atlee is a very modest man. Indeed he has a lot to be modest about"

 

[TheJasperCo]

gotta be the politicos fave... "with the greatest of respect".......

(ucvnt)

"...and in your case, there's no respect due."

 

[Barrow Boy]

Groucho Marx
"You know I never forget a face, but with yours I'll make an exception"

One from work a few years back,
"I stuck up for you yesterday, someone said you weren't fit to shovel shit, and I insisted you were"

 

[Bodian]

We have these 360 degree appraisal thingy's where we're meant to gather feedback from colleagues and discuss it in our appraisals. The positive feedback I always quote as receiving was "you're not a complete arse"

 

[bobbysmith01]

In Sherry’s, the old disco in west street in the 80’s, last song came on, the slow one, I very shyly asked a group of 3 potential last dance victims ‘ would any of you like a dance?’ to which one of them responded ‘no thanks I am fussy who i dance with’ to which I quickly replied ‘ well I ain’t, as that is why I asked you’ of course again i went home alone, but at least with a smile on my face.


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[bomber130]

To someone with bad/black teeth.
“You’ve got teeth like fire damaged Lego.”


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[FamilyGuy]

Billy Connolly to a heckler “ don’t come here and criticise my work - otherwise I’ll come to your place of work tomorrow and show you how to sweep up”

Several years ago at The Dome Julian Clarey was being heckled, he simply said "you should keep practicing that, cos with a bit more practice you could be a wanker ".

Years later my daughter used the same line (with my coaching) to embarrass and shut down a school playground bully.

 

[FamilyGuy]

We have these 360 degree appraisal thingy's where we're meant to gather feedback from colleagues and discuss it in our appraisals. The positive feedback I always quote as receiving was "you're not a complete arse"

I did one of these for mate (we had a boss with great sense of humour;
Under "Strengths" I wrote " lives a long, long way away"

Under "Weaknesses" I wrote "has an identical twin brother"

 

[daveinplzen]

When asking Americans where they are from, whatever they reply with, I say sorry. When they say it louder, I say, it's OK mate, I heard you. I'm just saying sorry.

 

[LVGull]

Many years ago, a friend of mine was walking in West Street when 2 skinheads came towards him and knocked into him as they passed.

One of them said to him"Do you want bovver mate?"

Apparently he looked them up and down and said " You're no bother" and waled on.

Suppose you had to be there...

 

[Whitechapel]

I watch a lot of battle rap and the level of writing is ridiculously good.

A personal highlight came in a battle between Soul and Cee Major. Cee Major has a lisp, wears glasses & converged to Islam a couple of years before the battle. Soul had one bar that basically went “If he tried to join ISIS, they’d send him back our way. Because they’ve got two I’s you can’t use and two S’s you can’t say.”

Genius.

 

[Mortdecai]

Personal favourite.
’That’s what I like about you........Nothing.