[Help] mental health - advice if possible please

[mrjon1976]

Ok, so apologies in advance for this - it is a long one. I am unsure what I would want to achieve by posting this, maybe if anyone has been in a similar situation and could offer their advice maybe. I feel pretty ashamed about all this, so please if you have nothing nice to say then just move on somewhere else.

I will start with the typical fan forum introduction - am 46, season ticket holder in the North Stand and have been to games for the last 30 years or so.; however I have no issue with the condiments on offer on matchday or with having a mobile ticket. I also have a myriad of MH issues mainly centred around anxiety and bouts of depression. The anxiety in particular is at times overwhelming - I often feel lost in big crowds so even coming to football can be a struggle that takes a lot out of me - I have previously had panic attacks while at games which gets quite difficult. I have also previously self harmed and have attempted to end my life on 3 occasions - yet because of my age I am not classed as a priority case. this has meant that I have had to try & find ways to survive without much support at all., This has been ongoing for around 25 years (diagnosed with depression & anxiety 7 years ago). Because of all of this, win, lose or draw I always try to not get too overexcited or overly disappointed after games, as this can act as a trigger for me. However, Saturdays game has left me in an absolute slump that I can't get out of - maybe it is down to the frustrations with our goal scoring, or Fulham's tactics, or even the "performance" of the referee. But something has triggered this latest slump - does anyone else who has similar issues find this, or is it just me being dumb? It has really provoked a sense of hopelessness - now the rational side knows how stupid this is, but the screwed up brain doesn't register normal logic. I have mainly spent the last 36 hours trying hard not to break down completely and revert back to old ways. All because of Saturday?? Yeah I know that is stupid. but knowing this makes me feel worse about feeling like this. And so on and so forth.

I have tried reaching out to my GP and have been offered a telephone call back in 12 days time - despite answering the online consultation form saying that I have been having intrusive thoughts. I don't really know what else to do that I haven't tried already - so I am hoping that some of what I have said here resonates with someone who can understand that I am not dumb or stupid.

 

[Psychobilly freakout]

You are not dumb or stupid, contact mind

Mind in Brighton and Hove, promoting good mental health in our city and across Sussex.

Join the fight for better mental health. Support Mind in Brighton and Hove today by donating, fundraising, volunteering or sharing.

www.mindcharity.co.uk

also have a look at these threads, as you are far from alone

[Misc] - Mental health and Christmas - 2022

I started a thread like this last year and it was, I think, helpful for some. 1st December seems an appropriate time to re-open it. Quite a few people talked about not enjoying Christmas for all sorts of reasons, about struggling, and about how their mental health takes a battering more than any...

www.northstandchat.com

[Sussex] - Men's mental health - free More Than Football sessions in Sussex by AITC

At AITC we're committed to helping support men's mental health, and we think that football is one of the best ways of bringing men together. That's why we run the More Than Football programme - providing free football and a time to talk for men aged 30-50 across Sussex. More Than Football uses...

www.northstandchat.com

Does anyone have mental health problems?

I want to bring this to a public forum, a big one, this is a big forum. Yes I have mental health problems. Can anyone else admit to it?

www.northstandchat.com

All the best of luck

 

[Notters]

Think you'll get a lot of support on here, from many who have faced similar challenges.

Have had a lot of issues with anxiety (though fortunately not the crowd thing). You're definitely not stupid, anything can trigger it!
I think what works is likely to differ hugely from person to person, so it's really just a case of trying out as many things as possible until you find what works for you - but you will find it!

For me, I didn't find anything offered by the NHS particularly helpful. They are very focussed on CBT, which can help in the short term, but I believe it's very much focussed on relieving the symptoms rather than fixing the route cause.

Things that have helped me most are:

• Vigorous exercise (particularly running), which gets all the good hormones running, is very mindful and obviously good for you.
• Walks in nature - in woodland etc., just taking time to listen and breath.
• Finding a private counsellor who will actual listen to your problems / thoughts, as well as thinking of how you can resolve them (the NHS ones, in my experience, tend to go straight to CBT).
• If you don't already, try and find just a few minutes a day for yourself (this can be very tricky if you have kids etc.)

Also important for me has been (after many years of trying), finding an employer where I'm trusted and not constantly being micro-managed.

Edit: please do get help from professionals though, I'm no expert - and I don't want to trivialise in any way.

 

[South Oz Seagull]

Ok, so apologies in advance for this - it is a long one. I am unsure what I would want to achieve by posting this, maybe if anyone has been in a similar situation and could offer their advice maybe. I feel pretty ashamed about all this, so please if you have nothing nice to say then just move on somewhere else.

I will start with the typical fan forum introduction - am 46, season ticket holder in the North Stand and have been to games for the last 30 years or so.; however I have no issue with the condiments on offer on matchday or with having a mobile ticket. I also have a myriad of MH issues mainly centred around anxiety and bouts of depression. The anxiety in particular is at times overwhelming - I often feel lost in big crowds so even coming to football can be a struggle that takes a lot out of me - I have previously had panic attacks while at games which gets quite difficult. I have also previously self harmed and have attempted to end my life on 3 occasions - yet because of my age I am not classed as a priority case. this has meant that I have had to try & find ways to survive without much support at all., This has been ongoing for around 25 years (diagnosed with depression & anxiety 7 years ago). Because of all of this, win, lose or draw I always try to not get too overexcited or overly disappointed after games, as this can act as a trigger for me. However, Saturdays game has left me in an absolute slump that I can't get out of - maybe it is down to the frustrations with our goal scoring, or Fulham's tactics, or even the "performance" of the referee. But something has triggered this latest slump - does anyone else who has similar issues find this, or is it just me being dumb? It has really provoked a sense of hopelessness - now the rational side knows how stupid this is, but the screwed up brain doesn't register normal logic. I have mainly spent the last 36 hours trying hard not to break down completely and revert back to old ways. All because of Saturday?? Yeah I know that is stupid. but knowing this makes me feel worse about feeling like this. And so on and so forth.

I have tried reaching out to my GP and have been offered a telephone call back in 12 days time - despite answering the online consultation form saying that I have been having intrusive thoughts. I don't really know what else to do that I haven't tried already - so I am hoping that some of what I have said here resonates with someone who can understand that I am not dumb or stupid.

Mate, I feel for you. The human unconscious can be a thorough bitch. Of course you're not dumb or stupid. You're brave enough to reach out. The bottom line is, depression, anxiety and hopelessness are only feelings and feelings can't hurt you as such. Sure, they're rubbish feelings but just go with the flow and don't try and cover them up because then the unconscious can really get up to some mischief. They'll pass hopefully. just for the record, that was a frustrating and truly forgettable game.

 

[Wendy Wilkins]

Hello. I totally agree with the previous respondent who succinctly summarised my thoughts but in far fewer words and probably better.

Another organisation that you may want to reach out to is The Samaritans who will similarly listen to you in a completely non-judgemental manner. They are there for all of us whenever we need them. Take care and I wish you the very best.

 

[Mr Banana]

Sussex Mental Healthline's open 24/7, they're great: 0800 0309 500

The Amex staff are always good if you have an attack during the game. They're not trained but will help you move/leave calmly.

All the best – it's a sack of ol' shit. If you ever need a monotonous chat/rum and coke etc etc...

 

[DJ NOBO]

Ok, so apologies in advance for this - it is a long one. I am unsure what I would want to achieve by posting this, maybe if anyone has been in a similar situation and could offer their advice maybe. I feel pretty ashamed about all this, so please if you have nothing nice to say then just move on somewhere else.

I will start with the typical fan forum introduction - am 46, season ticket holder in the North Stand and have been to games for the last 30 years or so.; however I have no issue with the condiments on offer on matchday or with having a mobile ticket. I also have a myriad of MH issues mainly centred around anxiety and bouts of depression. The anxiety in particular is at times overwhelming - I often feel lost in big crowds so even coming to football can be a struggle that takes a lot out of me - I have previously had panic attacks while at games which gets quite difficult. I have also previously self harmed and have attempted to end my life on 3 occasions - yet because of my age I am not classed as a priority case. this has meant that I have had to try & find ways to survive without much support at all., This has been ongoing for around 25 years (diagnosed with depression & anxiety 7 years ago). Because of all of this, win, lose or draw I always try to not get too overexcited or overly disappointed after games, as this can act as a trigger for me. However, Saturdays game has left me in an absolute slump that I can't get out of - maybe it is down to the frustrations with our goal scoring, or Fulham's tactics, or even the "performance" of the referee. But something has triggered this latest slump - does anyone else who has similar issues find this, or is it just me being dumb? It has really provoked a sense of hopelessness - now the rational side knows how stupid this is, but the screwed up brain doesn't register normal logic. I have mainly spent the last 36 hours trying hard not to break down completely and revert back to old ways. All because of Saturday?? Yeah I know that is stupid. but knowing this makes me feel worse about feeling like this. And so on and so forth.

I have tried reaching out to my GP and have been offered a telephone call back in 12 days time - despite answering the online consultation form saying that I have been having intrusive thoughts. I don't really know what else to do that I haven't tried already - so I am hoping that some of what I have said here resonates with someone who can understand that I am not dumb or stupid.

It doesn’t sound stupid as I’m sure your anguish is about more than a football match.
I‘m not qualified to comment on that, but I had some ideas.
Maybe try reminding yourself on the way to the next game that you can’t control the result.
So Focus on the social side of it, along with the joy of stepping out of life’s mundanities for a few hours. Find enjoyment there, and a positive result is a bonus.
And don’t see unfollowing the Albion as the answer. I’m sure overall being a fan is a positive in your life. You’re stuck with us now.

 

[rebel51]

Ok, so apologies in advance for this - it is a long one. I am unsure what I would want to achieve by posting this, maybe if anyone has been in a similar situation and could offer their advice maybe. I feel pretty ashamed about all this, so please if you have nothing nice to say then just move on somewhere else.

I will start with the typical fan forum introduction - am 46, season ticket holder in the North Stand and have been to games for the last 30 years or so.; however I have no issue with the condiments on offer on matchday or with having a mobile ticket. I also have a myriad of MH issues mainly centred around anxiety and bouts of depression. The anxiety in particular is at times overwhelming - I often feel lost in big crowds so even coming to football can be a struggle that takes a lot out of me - I have previously had panic attacks while at games which gets quite difficult. I have also previously self harmed and have attempted to end my life on 3 occasions - yet because of my age I am not classed as a priority case. this has meant that I have had to try & find ways to survive without much support at all., This has been ongoing for around 25 years (diagnosed with depression & anxiety 7 years ago). Because of all of this, win, lose or draw I always try to not get too overexcited or overly disappointed after games, as this can act as a trigger for me. However, Saturdays game has left me in an absolute slump that I can't get out of - maybe it is down to the frustrations with our goal scoring, or Fulham's tactics, or even the "performance" of the referee. But something has triggered this latest slump - does anyone else who has similar issues find this, or is it just me being dumb? It has really provoked a sense of hopelessness - now the rational side knows how stupid this is, but the screwed up brain doesn't register normal logic. I have mainly spent the last 36 hours trying hard not to break down completely and revert back to old ways. All because of Saturday?? Yeah I know that is stupid. but knowing this makes me feel worse about feeling like this. And so on and so forth.

I have tried reaching out to my GP and have been offered a telephone call back in 12 days time - despite answering the online consultation form saying that I have been having intrusive thoughts. I don't really know what else to do that I haven't tried already - so I am hoping that some of what I have said here resonates with someone who can understand that I am not dumb or stupid.

I find talking about this is the best thing, get a referral to your mental health team if possible. Yeh your defo not silly re the football issues, I get really down about the albion when decisions don't go our way etc it really affects me, and can't bear to watch em sometimes coz I get real nervous about our matches almost to the point of obsession, it then doesn't become enjoyable. Good health to you.

 

[Weststander]

Hi @mrjon1976.

Sorry to hear your story. It might be a small comfort to know that football results can affect many others, already struggling, in the same way. I try to get it out of my system on a Saturday evening, lancing the disappointment. On the main Everton forum there's a kind mental health thread, where they talk candidly about the bad effect of results on their already poor mental health.

As others have said, the Albion isn't the cause, it's just another trigger.

When you mentioned suicide, that does mean you're a priority case. But I know exactly what you mean, with hugely under funded resources, there's an apparent NHS emphasis on under 18's through CAMHS. Although that's under funded too.

Your meeting with the GP is critical to get the ball rolling. I wouldn't mention the Albion thing too much to them, as it might come across as trivial, and besides they're probably a rugger fan . Instead, talk about the long term and current very real mental anguish, pain, dark thoughts. Say that you need help now.

Other self-help things that imho will definitely help you:
- ditch alcohol (if you drink).
- do a daily walk.
- ironically, steer clear of Albion chat and analysis, forget about football between matches.
- never put others on a pedestal as being lucky or always happy. Life's not like that. It makes your journey and hopes more attainable to know that.
- don't do internet or phones an hour before bedtime, try to get a good sleep every night.
- keep communicating as you've done here.
- be kind to yourself, have a small treat to look forward to each day eg watching a movies.

Good luck!

 

[Zeberdi]

However, Saturdays game has left me in an absolute slump that I can't get out of - maybe it is down to the frustrations with our goal scoring, or Fulham's tactics, or even the "performance" of the referee. But something has triggered this latest slump - does anyone else who has similar issues find this, or is it just me being dumb? It has really provoked a sense of hopelessness - now the rational side knows how stupid this is, but the screwed up brain doesn't register normal logic. I have mainly spent the last 36 hours trying hard not to break down completely and revert back to old ways. All because of Saturday??

I can relate to that certainly to some maybe even a large degree - During the match on Saturday, I gradually became more and more despondent mixed with bouts of feeling really angry. By half time, I was in a foul mood, arguing with my mate over the ref’s decisions, Fulham’s tactics. By the time we got back to the car, I literally refused to discuss football or the match with my mate, refused to listen to radio Sussex’s post match chat and said I didn’t want to watch MOTD later and basically went into a hopeless slump. I was unable to stand in a crowded takeaway later, literally refusing to go in and was also triggered by noise and lights. I returned home yesterday but I am still in a slump today - still feel very low, easily triggered and generally unmotivated.

Like you, I have other issues although mine are due to years of having several physical illnesses and mobility issues - being frustrated not being able to lead a particularly active work or social life, unable to walk sometimes, being housebound at times, constant severe pain, too many hospital visits (all day again tomorrow) fatigue blah blah … BUT watching and following Brighton does, I am sad to say, because of all that, probably take on an even greater level of importance for me than it should or might for other people who are reasonably fit and healthy and who can lead fuller lives outside football -my main passion used to be birdwatching (even though I have supported Brighton for over 50yrs) but when I became unable to travel/walk the miles I used to, I became more dependent on getting my fulfilment from watching Brighton and following even closer all aspects of the Club’s development and the tactical game. It has got to the stage even our transfer or recruitment activities can effect my mood one way or another.

When we are winning games or at least playing well, when opposing teams aren’t generally marring the integrity of the sport, then a sense on bonhomie rests with me for days and it makes coping with everything else less challenging.

I don’t know what the answer is for you - for me, if Brighton have a match like they did Saturday, I handle it the way I normally handle the physical impact of doing too much (as I did by travelling to Brighton last week, then going to the match on Saturday) I cry it out figuratively speaking for a few days, spending time completely alone, no music or noise, re-centering my feelings, getting plenty of rest, doing some minor chores and appreciating the blue sky and birds singing - and watching no football at all.

None of that will help you much and I cant offer any advice tbh (@Weststander ‘s post above is imo brilliant especially about Albion ‘being a trigger’ ) but I wanted you to know that you are definitely not alone in the link Albion has to your mental health.

 

[pearl]

It's tough being a human being. Be kind to yourself. You have generated some great and helpful responses by just starting this thread.
Very best wishes and take care

 

[happypig]

Can't offer a lot that hasn't already been said but I will offer this.
Mate, you are one of us, one of our own and a lot of us care about each other. Don't be afraid to come back and open up, you'll get much support.
Take care.

 

[Garry Nelson's Left Foot]

Ok, so apologies in advance for this - it is a long one. I am unsure what I would want to achieve by posting this, maybe if anyone has been in a similar situation and could offer their advice maybe. I feel pretty ashamed about all this, so please if you have nothing nice to say then just move on somewhere else.

I will start with the typical fan forum introduction - am 46, season ticket holder in the North Stand and have been to games for the last 30 years or so.; however I have no issue with the condiments on offer on matchday or with having a mobile ticket. I also have a myriad of MH issues mainly centred around anxiety and bouts of depression. The anxiety in particular is at times overwhelming - I often feel lost in big crowds so even coming to football can be a struggle that takes a lot out of me - I have previously had panic attacks while at games which gets quite difficult. I have also previously self harmed and have attempted to end my life on 3 occasions - yet because of my age I am not classed as a priority case. this has meant that I have had to try & find ways to survive without much support at all., This has been ongoing for around 25 years (diagnosed with depression & anxiety 7 years ago). Because of all of this, win, lose or draw I always try to not get too overexcited or overly disappointed after games, as this can act as a trigger for me. However, Saturdays game has left me in an absolute slump that I can't get out of - maybe it is down to the frustrations with our goal scoring, or Fulham's tactics, or even the "performance" of the referee. But something has triggered this latest slump - does anyone else who has similar issues find this, or is it just me being dumb? It has really provoked a sense of hopelessness - now the rational side knows how stupid this is, but the screwed up brain doesn't register normal logic. I have mainly spent the last 36 hours trying hard not to break down completely and revert back to old ways. All because of Saturday?? Yeah I know that is stupid. but knowing this makes me feel worse about feeling like this. And so on and so forth.

I have tried reaching out to my GP and have been offered a telephone call back in 12 days time - despite answering the online consultation form saying that I have been having intrusive thoughts. I don't really know what else to do that I haven't tried already - so I am hoping that some of what I have said here resonates with someone who can understand that I am not dumb or stupid.

I echo everything @Psychobilly freakout says. You're not stupid or dumb, you are not alone in how you feel and contact mind/the samaritans. Especially if you have to wait 12 days for a phone consultation. 12 days isn't that long but when you're gripped by depression and anxiety it's an age and is far too long to wait. Speak to someone as soon as you can, don't let this fester. Take as much control as you can and remind yourself that this WILL pass.

 

[Barham's tash]

Hang in there, you’re definitely not alone.
So much good solid advice on here already from others but based on my own experience of similar you really need to try everything to find what works best for you. It’s about building a toolkit you can open and pick something from to help you right there in that moment.

For me the key tools have always been:

- CBT: yes it is most effective for a short period (6 or 7 sessions) but in my experience helped me pick up some of my favourite tools (see below) so try it once and see where it gets you. If you don’t have the means for private there are lots of charities or organisations that offer a pay what you can service. (PM me if you want specifics of what I chose and how it helped)

- Keep a notepad by your bed. If something wakes you up and you’re worrying about it then write it down. I’ve found this really useful.

- Exercise. I’m not built for running but it really is my most effective weapon. As little as 15 minutes fresh air running at whatever pace really help me to calm the noise down

- talk to people. Mates, family, Mrs whoever. That’s what they’re there for. I’m sure you’d do the same.

- keep the GP appointment even if you make progress with any of the ideas on here yourself. Talk through your options with them and see it through no matter what the wait times etc

-Routine. When I was at my lowest ebb and could barely function just having something consistent in the diary/aim for really helped. Could be going for a walk at the same time, meeting someone, visiting the library or taking yourself for a coffee. Do that for 3 or 4 weeks and you’ll notice how that thread of normality pulls you back from the edge.

Good luck and reach out whenever you feel the need. I’ll always respond.

 

[Lenny Rider]

Have PM'd you.

 

[Horses Arse]

Ok, so apologies in advance for this - it is a long one. I am unsure what I would want to achieve by posting this, maybe if anyone has been in a similar situation and could offer their advice maybe. I feel pretty ashamed about all this, so please if you have nothing nice to say then just move on somewhere else.

I will start with the typical fan forum introduction - am 46, season ticket holder in the North Stand and have been to games for the last 30 years or so.; however I have no issue with the condiments on offer on matchday or with having a mobile ticket. I also have a myriad of MH issues mainly centred around anxiety and bouts of depression. The anxiety in particular is at times overwhelming - I often feel lost in big crowds so even coming to football can be a struggle that takes a lot out of me - I have previously had panic attacks while at games which gets quite difficult. I have also previously self harmed and have attempted to end my life on 3 occasions - yet because of my age I am not classed as a priority case. this has meant that I have had to try & find ways to survive without much support at all., This has been ongoing for around 25 years (diagnosed with depression & anxiety 7 years ago). Because of all of this, win, lose or draw I always try to not get too overexcited or overly disappointed after games, as this can act as a trigger for me. However, Saturdays game has left me in an absolute slump that I can't get out of - maybe it is down to the frustrations with our goal scoring, or Fulham's tactics, or even the "performance" of the referee. But something has triggered this latest slump - does anyone else who has similar issues find this, or is it just me being dumb? It has really provoked a sense of hopelessness - now the rational side knows how stupid this is, but the screwed up brain doesn't register normal logic. I have mainly spent the last 36 hours trying hard not to break down completely and revert back to old ways. All because of Saturday?? Yeah I know that is stupid. but knowing this makes me feel worse about feeling like this. And so on and so forth.

I have tried reaching out to my GP and have been offered a telephone call back in 12 days time - despite answering the online consultation form saying that I have been having intrusive thoughts. I don't really know what else to do that I haven't tried already - so I am hoping that some of what I have said here resonates with someone who can understand that I am not dumb or stupid.

I was in the shittiest of shit moods ater that match, much worse than before after a loss. Not sure what was behine that other than exhaustion from overwork - it certainly wasn't just the fotball but that bunch of cheating twats didn't help.

Hope the negative slump eases - try thinking about Chelsea or Leeds to lessen the load. Good news storeies like Chelsea must lead to some benefit I'd hope.

 

[mrjon1976]

thanks to those who have posted - I didn't want to seem rude by not replying.

I hadn't mentioned to my GP that the slump may have been triggered by the game on Saturday...I have a hard enough time trying to get help as it is lol. I finally spoke to the receptionist - explained everything in fairly grim detail and was told that I will still be on the list may get a call back sometime in the next 10 days - the reason was that I am classed as a functioning depressive (as in I got off my backside and went to work today). I do wonder how many people have tried to seek help and have fallen through the net with attitudes like that....

Anyway thanks again all. Im sure the slump will pass but in proper survival mode currently.

 

[Sheebo]

I get this sometimes and sometimes Albion related and other things - had to retrain my brain not to take it too seriously which I’ve done on the whole.

Can relate to some of the things you say having suffered myself. Just please TALK to someone - anyone. It’s the best tonic without doubt. Don’t bottle it up. My pms are always open too

 

[The Fits]

The key for me, and something I curse myself for forgetting, is exercise. If I play some sport- I play tennis and have kick abouts- it makes such a big difference. It's not like it fixes things but it sure makes me feel better that day. Often I feel absolutely no motivation to do it, but when I do it really helps.
Good luck with it all.

 

[PILTDOWN MAN]

thanks to those who have posted - I didn't want to seem rude by not replying.

I hadn't mentioned to my GP that the slump may have been triggered by the game on Saturday...I have a hard enough time trying to get help as it is lol. I finally spoke to the receptionist - explained everything in fairly grim detail and was told that I will still be on the list may get a call back sometime in the next 10 days - the reason was that I am classed as a functioning depressive (as in I got off my backside and went to work today). I do wonder how many people have tried to seek help and have fallen through the net with attitudes like that....

Anyway thanks again all. Im sure the slump will pass but in proper survival mode currently.

It's frightening that they don't appear to take things seriously.
My son needed help when at schools CAMS said it would be 6 months before they could help.

Hope you can find someone to talk to. Does your company offer any helplines?

Saturday was a very odd experience and left me extremely pissed off even into Sunday. We should be used to frustration following Brighton but for some reason Saturday triggered more feelings of anger. I think it showed in the press interviews after with the players and RDZ.

Hope you get strength from posting on here and get the help you need.