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Getting over a serious break up - HELP!!!!!!



hans kraay fan club

The voice of reason.
Helpful Moderator
Mar 16, 2005
61,457
Chandlers Ford
If I was in charge of a forum like NSC, I think I'd ban this sort of thread. The problem the OP is talking about needs to be handled properly, and I can't help thinking there are professional bodies to do that, if the first resort of confiding in close family and friends is unsatisfactory.

Unfortunately by posting on a public forum like this, most of the advice you will attract comes from needy people who either deliberately or subconciously use it to air their own past failings, for reasons best known to themselves.

Nothing good will ever come from asking for emotional advice on NSC, IMO.

Are you feeling better for having got that off your chest, Sim? Do you want to talk about it?
 




Feb 2, 2007
1,694
Japan
Agree to some extent with your post Simster. Maybe some people find it cathartic. Not surprised this has gone on for seven pages. Most people can relate to these sort of issues and want a peek don't they
 


nwgull

Well-known member
Jul 25, 2003
13,839
Manchester
If I was in charge of a forum like NSC, I think I'd ban this sort of thread. The problem the OP is talking about needs to be handled properly, and I can't help thinking there are professional bodies to do that, if the first resort of confiding in close family and friends is unsatisfactory.

Unfortunately by posting on a public forum like this, most of the advice you will attract comes from needy people who either deliberately or subconciously use it to air their own past failings, for reasons best known to themselves.

Nothing good will ever come from asking for emotional advice on NSC, IMO.

I disagree. A forum with such a wide and diverse demographic is a really good place to post such a question. Even if the OP doesn't take any if the advice on offer, at least he can be reassured that his situation is really common, and that the feelings he's getting are perfectly normal in the break up of any relationship, even if it had run its course.
 


Uncle Spielberg

Well-known member
NSC Patron
Jul 6, 2003
42,836
Lancing
If I was in charge of a forum like NSC, I think I'd ban this sort of thread. The problem the OP is talking about needs to be handled properly, and I can't help thinking there are professional bodies to do that, if the first resort of confiding in close family and friends is unsatisfactory.

Unfortunately by posting on a public forum like this, most of the advice you will attract comes from needy people who either deliberately or subconciously use it to air their own past failings, for reasons best known to themselves.

Nothing good will ever come from asking for emotional advice on NSC, IMO.

A bit harsh. I guess it can be cathartic as someone said. Usually if a relationship fails it is not solely down 100% to 1 person, both people contribute to it's demise. Some people are so affected they have to have counselling and that is where the pro's come in, before that opinions and experiences are kicked about. The OP will get through it his way.
 






Simster

"the man's an arse"
Jul 7, 2003
54,243
Surrey
I disagree. A forum with such a wide and diverse demographic is a really good place to post such a question. Even if the OP doesn't take any if the advice on offer, at least he can be reassured that his situation is really common, and that the feelings he's getting are perfectly normal in the break up of any relationship, even if it had run its course.

Yeah maybe I'm wrong. I just look at the posts offering advice and so many of the eye-catching ones are from people who I personally wouldn't consider taking advice from at all, let alone ahead of the advice from my nearest and dearest.
Plus, my suspicion is that a ton of people read these threads and decide they could give advice but not without laying bear their own experiences - something they are not prepared to do in public in any great detail. So the advice you do get is skewed towards the type given by the needy type of person I originally outlined.
 




marshy68

Well-known member
Jul 10, 2011
2,868
Brighton
I disagree. A forum with such a wide and diverse demographic is a really good place to post such a question. Even if the OP doesn't take any if the advice on offer, at least he can be reassured that his situation is really common, and that the feelings he's getting are perfectly normal in the break up of any relationship, even if it had run its course.

Its seriously funny. If you are genuinely devastated by a relationship break down, would you really look to post on here for serious advice?

I love these threads the are funny, insensitive and there is the occasional gem.
 




Commander

Well-known member
NSC Patron
Apr 28, 2004
12,972
London
It is studied through time and memorial the broken hearts of men through poems, stories, songs and numerous other media. I am not saying women hurt any the less it is just mens support system is crap ie a bottle of whisky normally and nothing else. For this men can fester whereas women have a good old cry with their mates and get over it.

So it's not a fact then.

If I was in charge of a forum like NSC, I think I'd ban this sort of thread. The problem the OP is talking about needs to be handled properly, and I can't help thinking there are professional bodies to do that, if the first resort of confiding in close family and friends is unsatisfactory.

Unfortunately by posting on a public forum like this, most of the advice you will attract comes from needy people who either deliberately or subconciously use it to air their own past failings, for reasons best known to themselves.

Nothing good will ever come from asking for emotional advice on NSC, IMO.

That's actually a very good post.
 


Commander

Well-known member
NSC Patron
Apr 28, 2004
12,972
London
Yeah maybe I'm wrong. I just look at the posts offering advice and so many of the eye-catching ones are from people who I personally wouldn't consider taking advice from at all, let alone ahead of the advice from my nearest and dearest.

Spot on.
 


Cheshire Cat

The most curious thing..
Looks like its a choice between NSC and boring your friends and family witless with the endless saga of how crap you feel - until you stop feeling so crap which most will eventually.


Not that that helps anyone of course.
 




Uncle Spielberg

Well-known member
NSC Patron
Jul 6, 2003
42,836
Lancing
If I was in charge of a forum like NSC, I think I'd ban this sort of thread. The problem the OP is talking about needs to be handled properly, and I can't help thinking there are professional bodies to do that, if the first resort of confiding in close family and friends is unsatisfactory.

Unfortunately by posting on a public forum like this, most of the advice you will attract comes from needy people who either deliberately or subconciously use it to air their own past failings, for reasons best known to themselves.

Nothing good will ever come from asking for emotional advice on NSC, IMO.

In all fairness that is a decent post by Simster.
 


bennibenj

Well-known member
Mar 6, 2011
2,063
Sompting
When reading through this thread last night and someone mentioned break up songs - got me listening to a few (new thread?)
 






life on mars 73

New member
Oct 19, 2010
264
I hit a very low patch a couple of years ago, following a nasy break-up, and came on here for advice. I was genuinely touched by the amount of excellent, practical advice I received from quite a few people on here. Looking back, I'd say that was the turning point in my recovery - I felt encouraged by friendly advice, began to feel more energetic and outgoing, my confidence grew, and before long I met a lovely new lady and I am a very happy man these days.

So please don't be cynical. There are a lot of good,wise people on here, with a rich experience of life. Certainly helped me.
 


Southern Scouse

Well-known member
Jul 21, 2011
2,024
My wife of twenty years told me 6 weeks ago she was leaving and taking both my teenage girls to Brasil to live with her permanently.
When I asked her why she said she hadn't loved me for the last seven years, although a few months earlier she said we had a great time on my 50th birthday in Rome.
I dint understand it and probably never will. Sold both our properties, and will be buying a little terrace place in deepest Peterborough hoping I don't loose my job. Not much matters at the moment until December when I take my kids to the airport and say goodbye until they visit me for a month every year.
Things may improve or may not, but you just make the best of it because life keeps on going. Hopefully though you manage to turn things around for the better, whatever the eventual outcome.
 


Soulman

New member
Oct 22, 2012
10,966
Sompting
My wife of twenty years told me 6 weeks ago she was leaving and taking both my teenage girls to Brasil to live with her permanently.
When I asked her why she said she hadn't loved me for the last seven years, although a few months earlier she said we had a great time on my 50th birthday in Rome.
I dint understand it and probably never will. Sold both our properties, and will be buying a little terrace place in deepest Peterborough hoping I don't loose my job. Not much matters at the moment until December when I take my kids to the airport and say goodbye until they visit me for a month every year.
Things may improve or may not, but you just make the best of it because life keeps on going. Hopefully though you manage to turn things around for the better, whatever the eventual outcome.

I know that under a certain age the children can be stopped moving outside of England or Wales. I assume your children are legally old enough to make up their own minds, and i take it they want to move to Brasil. A right kick in the guts, i wish you luck and hope things look up for you asap.
 








Cheshire Cat

The most curious thing..
This board is top notch. you will win her back if you piss up her bottle
A Millwall fan speaks - read and weep.

I'm not entirely sure what "piss up her bottle" means, but please don't try to explain.
 


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