Favorite old sick jokes.

[Bevendean Hillbilly]

After the kings cross fire

Whats the difference between Smarties and Cockneys?

Smarties don't melt in the tube

 

[Simon Morgan]

what has 8 legs and scares women? gang rape.

 

[Bevendean Hillbilly]

Paddy gets nicked for rape and is put on an ID parade.

When the victim walks in he shouts;

"Dats her the prick teasing bitcH"

 

[Brownstuff]

Rolf Harris has done the artwork for Michael Jackson's gigs at the O2 arena. As a thank you Jacko will be doing two little boys at the end of each show.

Michael Jackson has just announced his forthcoming UK dates, they will be David 8, Jonathan 9, Tim 10 followed by nigel aged 7.

 

[Psychobilly freakout]

A man comes home to find his girlfriend packing her bags. he asks her where she's going and she sobs, "I'm leaving you!"
"Why?!" he asks. "Haven't I been good to you? Taken care of you? Given you everything you wanted?"
She replies, "Well, yes... but... all my friends say you're a PEDOPHILE!"
The man smiles gently and tells her, "Ok, slow down there honey. First of all, that's an awful big word for an 11-year-old to be using..."

 

[Garage_Doors]

What should you do if an epileptic has a fit in the bath ?
Throw your washing in.

 

[Garage_Doors]

A man goes to the Doctor and says, "I need some birth control for my eleven-year-old daughter."
"Is your little girl sexually active?" asks the Doctor
"Nah, she just lays there like her mother."

 

[Psychobilly freakout]

Prince Philip and Nelson Mandela die at the same time and are at the Pearly Gates.

"I say," said Prince Philip, "It's dammed considerate of you to send a butler up with me."

 

[Ken Livingstone Seagull]

Gentlemen, without wishing to spoil your fun, could I remind you to refrain from any racist 'jokes' otherwise the thread will be locked.
I thank you.

So I am assuming this was just an empty, idle threat after all?
Just asking...

 

[wellquickwoody]

How do you get a leper out of bed in the morning?

A dustpan and brush.

 

[Alizey]

Jokes are the source of laugh and entertainment. We enjoy reading such funny thing. Your jokes are interesting which make me laugh for a while. Share more joke that I send my friends.

 

[Soulman]

What's 10 inches long, hard as steel, and can keep a woman loyal to you for years?

A deadlock bolt on a basement door in London apparently.

 

[yass100]

What’s the difference between an apple and a dead baby?

I don’t ejaculate on an apple before I eat it.

 

[Psychobilly freakout]

Not sick, but bad........

When I came back from Iraq, I really started to fancy seagulls.......


I had Gull phoar syndrome ......

 

[drake32]

I needed a good laugh

 

[grubbyhands]

What is the similarity between a girl with a tattoo on her back and a book in the lavatory?

It gives you something to read whilst you're in the shitter.