Women!

[dougdeep]

Us men just can't win can we.

I walked into our bedroom this morning and the wife was standing there in front of the mirror, stark naked. She said"I'm fat, wrinkly and old with lots of cellulite". I thought to myself, she sounds depressed, I should pay her a compliment. So I said that at least there was nothing wrong with her eyesight.
And now she's not talking to me.

 

[Dave In Gloucester]

 

[Biscuit]

"You don't sweat much for a fat bird, do you.." - Danny Seagull

 

[moggy]

 

[Terrace Dandy]

Women are only good for two things.

 

[B.M.F]

Women are only good for two things.

I would be careful saying that or Mrs Hiney will be after you

 

[Biscuit]

Terrance, dont start a fight with the daft bints...


they'll have ya.


Lush'll chin ya, and when you're down Yorkie will come down with a flying leg spin and that'll be that!

 

[Brightonian74]

Women ARE odd creatures!

Explain this! How can you bleed for a week................and don't die?

Also they have that special place called 'side'. For example, you're looking for your car-keys and ask the misses. She says, '...they're on the side'. Being a bloke, you can't find 'side' therefore query it with 'er where she promptly disappears for 2 secs to reappear with the keys.

 

[Wardy]

And they never complete a thought process. You can be talking about a subject, say which school to send the kids too, then of the blue they will make a weird comment like "I am not sure what to do about dinner." You being a man assume she is talking about if the kids should take pack-lunch or have school dinners. But no she as no moved on as is talking about when her mum comes next week, and just assumes you know that.

 

[Stumpy Tim]

"You don't sweat much for a fat bird, do you.." - Danny Seagull

I heard he said that to a lady in Amsterdam last weekend. And then gave her some cash soon after

 

[Uncle Spielberg]

They play the most incredible mnids games. They feck your head up I tell ya !.

 

[The Large One]

"I'm fat, so we need to go on a diet"

Mind you, the fact that I do need to go on a diet is not the point.

More later...

 

[Uncle Spielberg]

When your lady says, do you think I'm fat your suppose to say , no sweetheart of course your not, even if they have put on 6 stone since you met them and look like an Elephant Seal. Every bloke knows that !.

Also what is th difference between a woman on her wedding day and a woman 3 years later ?..........about 3 stone normally !.

Sorry ladies , un pc I know.

 

[Brightonian74]

They have that built-in thing called 'The Silent Treatment'.

With an arguement, they start it but make out that it's all your fault and like pratts, we're the ones that make-up.

Can't drive (common asset for being a woman).

Dress up when they're going out with their tits virtually falling out. Then they moan when you look at them in a club with all this flesh showing!!

Don't they just wind you up

 

[sams dad]

They play the most incredible mnids games. They feck your head up I tell ya !.

".....mnids games"?Looks like someones f***ed your head up,GG

 

[dougdeep]

And just what exactly is the correct answer to"Does my bum look big in this?"

 

[Brightonian74]

Going clothes shopping with them is a HUGE no-no.

They come out of the changing rooms and ask, ' do you like this', where you say, '..yeah, I do actually', then her reply is, '...oh you're just saying that just to get out of here'.

I give up!!

 

[Uncle Spielberg]

The honest answer would be, your arse is bigger than the Millenium Dome dear, but for a quiet life it is, off course not sweetheart you are as sexy and slim as the day I met you.

 

[Yorkie]

Women are only good for two things.

Everything we do and everything we say

 

[CHAPPERS]

Women are fantastic people with the ability to make you feel incredibly good about yourself. I like 'em.